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AIBU?

Aibu to feel Mortified?

61 replies

Digggers · 22/09/2018 10:24

Aaaaagh, feel totally creeped out. DH thinks i’m Ridiculous. Please tell me i’m Not unusual in feeling this.

We’ve had a difficulr couple of weeks. Everybody in the family being ill coupled with full on work business for both me and DH along with normal life/kids has left the flat needing a good clean and tidy. Had planned to tackle it all this weekend , but safe to say EVERYTHING needs done. Floors, sinks, toilet, hoovering, tidying, washing, bed sheets, cooker top. Literally everything.

Had a special occasion yesterday which meant I was out all day and then straight out at night. DH had kids .

Gets to 8pm ish and DH unexpectedly joins me. Unknown st to me he’s got a babysitter and has come to join in special occasion! Lovely thought from him, but am I wrong to feel so utterly mortified, as the house is such a state?

It gets worse when he says he told her that she could sleep in our bed when she got tired !!!! My bedroom feels a private place at the best of times but at the moment it’s a dumping ground which a fortnight’s washing everywhere, haven’t changed sheets for a week and just a midden. :-(

I’m utterly mortified as she was in there when we got back. And looking round the house I was even more embaressed as DH having the kids on his own all day meant there was not just general cleaning and tidying to be done, but a kitchen full of pots and dishes, potty full of wee in bathroom, kids clothes all over bathroom floor, literally absolutely every thing that had been used in the day just left.

He’s fed up with me that i’m So mortified that he let a babysitter come when he was trying to do something nice. Thinks I’m Being ridiculous!!

Am I unusual to feel this way? Eeeek the thought of her in my fortnight old sheets assessing my dirty washing pile is freaking me out :-( (worse still she’s a school run mum)

OP posts:

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applespearsbears · 22/09/2018 10:27

In the nicest way - why do you care what this person thinks? Is their opinion of any value to you?
You sound so busy, it adds no value to your life.

applespearsbears · 22/09/2018 10:28

I'm not trying to be antagonist it's what I mentally try and do when I feel bad - just try and analyse it and minimise it

Digggers · 22/09/2018 10:29

That’s pretty much my DH’s thoughts too.

I’m not massively house proud. It’s just it was literally the worst it gets.

OP posts:

SureIusedtobetaller · 22/09/2018 10:30

I think it’s weirder that she would be happy to sleep in your bed! I’d snooze on the sofa but not that.
You’ll see her soon- you can explain about illness etc. Or not. Maybe her house is filthy and she thought ah, lovely clean house.
I honestly wouldn’t worry- what a lovely thing for him to do.

Sparklyfee · 22/09/2018 10:31

I'd be mortified too. But considering she was happy to get into your bed she can't have thought it was that bad!

Probably didn't notice half of the things that you would

AlanBrazil · 22/09/2018 10:32

Hell no I’m with you, I’d be dying

But I think I’d be seeing her on Monday and saying all you’ve said up there , maybe throw in a dead pet for good measure, and hopefully then forgetting about it!

MelonBuffet · 22/09/2018 10:32

Well if she gets into someone else’s bed she’s as much of a dirty bastard as your H, so I wouldn’t worry about that. If I was babysitting there’s no way I’d get into the parents’ bed no matter how tired I was! That’s just fucking weird.

It wasn’t lovely of him to decide to come out for a fun night instead of looking after his own DCs, it was yet another example of him not pulling his weight and then ruining your evening because now you’re worried about the state of the house instead of relaxing knowing it was all in his safe hands.

If there’s anything you should be ashamed of it’s that you’re married to a lazy selfish prick who doesn’t pick up after himself!

SureIusedtobetaller · 22/09/2018 10:34

Agree he should have tidied up first! But I still think he was trying to be thoughtful.

merlotmummy14 · 22/09/2018 10:35

Most school mum runs will understand that sometimes it gets like this - explain and apologise to her if you feel that ashamed. Also tell your husband he needs to get on top of things asap. He was trying to do a nice thing just explain that the messy house is making you anxious and he can't keep putting it off.

Wedontbelievewhatsontv · 22/09/2018 10:36

No ... I'm with the OP here! Ffs , I'd be raging as it's kinda exposing you to judgement when you feel vulnerable about your home .
If he wanted to do something lovely then stay at home as planned and get stuck into the housework!! Bet he didn't fancy that job- 😑

HopeGarden · 22/09/2018 10:36

I’m with you on this.

I’d be mortified if DH got a school run mum to our house to babysit when it was a tip, no matter how good our reasons for not being on top of the cleaning and tidying.

Digggers · 22/09/2018 10:37

He does pull his wait and he’s not a selfish prick. He does plenty round the house, and tonnes that I don’t do. And he was genuinely trying to be nice and surprise me.

He just doesn’t see mess like I do.

Babysitter has immaculate house.

Eeeek .

OP posts:

Digggers · 22/09/2018 10:38

*weight

OP posts:

Bardwell · 22/09/2018 10:39

I cannot imagine having the slightest interest in what a babysitter thought of the cleanliness of my house. On the other hand, your DH inviting her to sleep in your bed is pretty invasive, and I'd be deeply unimpressed with him and with the babysitter, though that's probably unfair, if she'd been told she could. But how anyone could think that sleeping in someone else's bed presumably your DH hadn't even changed the sheets? -- was ok is a bit puzzling. When I babysat as a teenager I was often offered the option of sleeping over in the spare room if the parents were going to be very late, but I very seldom did, I just dozed on the sofa with a rug and went home when they came back.

Subtlecheese · 22/09/2018 10:40

I'd be horrified! Not only that he'd let some stranger into the house without me knowing, but for it to be messy AND where do you randomly get a babysitter from? But I guess he was sufficiently careful there. But it would make me too anxious to enjoy my event. That and does he often crash in on your social time? Is he insecure when you're out?

Digggers · 22/09/2018 10:41

Yeah, tbh honest the state of the house i could just about cope with . But my bed!!! I just feel abit violated. Apparently she asked if she could sleep in it and he said yes.

OP posts:

Digggers · 22/09/2018 10:43

Honestly I have issue with DH ‘s ability to pull his weight and he was totally trying to do a nice thing ( and it was nice to have him there)

OP posts:

vdbfamily · 22/09/2018 10:44

YABU...he did a nice thing and not changing the sheets for a week is fine, not changing them for 6 weeks would be more mortifying but to be honest you would prob have to not change them for several months for anyone else to notice.....she was presumably on top of the duvet which is the bit that stays fairly clean!
I have a friend who is OCD re her house. I am not. When they visit her husband always comments on how he would love their house to feel more 'lived in' like ours. I find it harder to relax in pristine environments so do not worry about it, she would have been amused at most!

Digggers · 22/09/2018 10:46

No she was actually under the duvet!! :-(

OP posts:

Digggers · 22/09/2018 10:48

Seriously when my house is at it’s cleanest and tidiest it’s not pristine. I don’t best but it’s always a bit scuffed around the edges and on the verge of chaos.

Please not mistake me for a fastidious woman! :-)

OP posts:

Elephant14 · 22/09/2018 10:49

He said she could use your bed so she did? WTAF? Who does that? Who offers that and more to the point, who on earth would accept?! How old was this babysitter OP?

Haisuli · 22/09/2018 10:50

Omg no I'd die! I even clean up for tradesmen. We once had a leak in the bathroom and I had to clean it before I called the emergency plumber. I'd die if my husband did that and it would have ruined my night.

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Digggers · 22/09/2018 10:50

Same age as me. A local friend and school run mum

OP posts:

mycheapshoes · 22/09/2018 10:52

Oh gosh-completely get where you’re coming from but in the nicest way try to put it behind you and be grateful that your husband did a nice thing.

I’m still mortified from a similar experience-one Saturday morning our house was a tip from a very busy week-untidy, unhoovered, piles of laundry, a day and a half’s dirty plates and pans-half finished breakfast, bathrooms not cleaned, all in pjs and unwashed when an architect we’d forgotten was coming arrived to measure and photograph EVERY ROOM OF THE HOUSE. I was so embarrassed and had to fly round the house doing my best in every room before he reached it. He was really nice about it and said he understood but the shame!! He was a friend of a friend which made it worse in a way than a complete stranger.

mycheapshoes · 22/09/2018 10:53

The bed thing is weird though! Although it can’t have been too bad otherwise surely she’d have swerved it and kipped on the sofa instead?!

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