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MNHQ have commented on this thread

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AIBU?

To not believe hubby?

53 replies

leighb23 · 14/08/2018 18:38

Few months ago I found "suggestive" texts on my hubby's phone to a supposed friend of mine. Today in the car he paired his phone to the car and it came up with the unread text message icon. I went onto the messages (he was driving) and it came up with her name. I said "oh, x" he immediately said oh must be old msg. When I opened it, it said something along the lines of are you still at the hospital with y (our little boy had a big seizure last week)
My head is rolling round like A spin dryer. I don't know what to believe. What do you guys think please?

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SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 14/08/2018 18:46

I don't know what to suggest to be honest (I'm useless in situations like this and I've been in a few!) but really I'd just want answers and wouldn't believe a word he says. Could you confront your friend?

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 14/08/2018 18:47

Well, if he said he’d cut contact he’s lied.

But then it really depends on what you’d agreed. If you agreed he could do the bear minimum to regain your trust (ie, not actually sleep with her) then he probably feels he’s ok by doing what he’s doing.

That’s not to say I agree btw.

LillyLollyLoLo · 14/08/2018 18:49

He will minimise like mad and try to delete the messages. Past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour. I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. I’m sorry OP and hope your little one is feeling better.

leighb23 · 14/08/2018 18:49

She's not my friend anymore!

Thank you. I feel wretched.

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BastardGoDarkly · 14/08/2018 18:50

Did you go through the rest of his messages? What did he say about it?

leighb23 · 14/08/2018 18:51

Thanks Lilly, that's what really got me was it saying still at hospital, it was only last week 😓

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leighb23 · 14/08/2018 18:53

Bastard that was the only one loaded onto the car. He just said it must be an old one. Her daughter recently cut her hair off for a charity - I said well I'm not doing it (purely because of my feelings for the mother!) Then found out he had donated.

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AmIRightOrAMeringue · 14/08/2018 18:58

I'm sorry it sounds like he is still in contact with her. It isn't an old message. Unless you agreed he could still be friends I'd be mad...also it doesn't sound like he can be trusted given his first response was a lie. What else is he hiding

CherryPlum · 14/08/2018 19:12

Why would you believe anything he says? You've seen the message with your own eyes, you know he is still in contact with her. I'm sorry but he's totally up to something.

leighb23 · 14/08/2018 19:38

Thanks guys x

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StoneofDestiny · 14/08/2018 20:41

He'll swap phones soon to hide his tracks.
Sorry - be glad you know, it could have gone on for years before you found out.

leighb23 · 14/08/2018 20:50

Can't swop phone's without me knowing, so that's good x

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leighb23 · 14/08/2018 21:10

I want to have a look at his call log, see if it's in there

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StoneofDestiny · 14/08/2018 21:35

He could get a burner phone - (pay as you go and run two at the same time)

StoneofDestiny · 14/08/2018 21:36

Sorry - not trying to worry you. Just don't like the idea he could pull the wool over you. Good luck

RachelAnneJ · 14/08/2018 21:39

Have you got access to his bill? If so you'll be able to see how many times he's text her.

BewareOfDragons · 14/08/2018 22:20

Sorry, OP. He's obviously in contact with her and lying to you about it.

Good luck.

leighb23 · 14/08/2018 23:25

Thank you everyone. Rachel that is brilliant, I'm not sure if I can access it but it's a joint bill online

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AtrociousCircumstance · 14/08/2018 23:28

Yes he is still in contact with her, obviously, and has no problem with betraying you. What a wanker.

NarcolepticOuchMouse · 14/08/2018 23:45

Was this over Whatsapp? If so I'm forever leaving my laptop WhatsApp active and if he does the same you can see all the messages from his laptop. Probably a long shot but I thought I'd throw it out there for evidence collection.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 14/08/2018 23:53

It'll only show on his bill if he's actually texting her; not using an internet service like WhatsApp or iMessage - just incase; as I know a lot of people refer to those as texts now too!

I don't think you can trust a word that he says; and I don't think you'll find any proof that makes it easier to leave. You already know that they're exchanging suggestive messages and he has carried on talking to her; including telling her about your children's lives.

leighb23 · 15/08/2018 09:19

Thank you all again, he does use WhatsApp. I looked at the bill but because it is unlimited calls and texts they don't itemise. With WhatsApp he does it all from his phone. I am so angry and hurt at the moment. I even looked up what a lethal amount of insulin is. But then my poor little baby won't have a mummy.

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littlestrawby · 15/08/2018 09:41

Leigh, I'm so sorry you're feeling so wretched. Please don't think about doing anything to harm yourself, whatever happens with your DH you will get through this. Do you have any friends you could talk this over with? Sending well wishes and for you.

Allthewaves · 15/08/2018 09:45

Er he's a twat and def not worth ending your life over. You are a mummy and you are strong

C0untDucku1a · 15/08/2018 09:47

That’s a very extreme overreaction and you need to phone your go for an appointment right now and discuss that.

Why are you no longer friends with this woman?

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