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To think having to live in house shares is a factor in mental health issues?

(77 Posts)
SardineHousing Sat 11-Aug-18 12:20:25

Most people do it during their twenties but want to have private space as you get older. Shit wages not keeping up with rent or not being able to go full time for poor health mean there are lots of people sharing going into their 40's and 50's these days.

I'm only in my 30's but find shared living very hard. I have anxiety and manage very well but is a constant challenge and it struck me how unhealthy it is to be cramped in with virtual strangers with no realistic possibility of being able to set up on my own.

My other half is staying for a few days and we're either in my bed, or sitting on two hard chairs in my room if we're at home. There's no sitting room or kitchen table in the small kitchen. There's no room for an armchair or sofa in my room. My room isn't small but two wardrobes of clothes, desk and two chests of drawers just mean there's no extra space. My whole adult life has to fit in here.

Luckily I really like my home in other ways! It's warm and nice and the most affordable I can get. Mostly happy in it but it seems such a stressful and unnatural way to live as an adult. I'm sure if you were in a very shaky spot with mental health it could really be quite damaging to have to house share for years with people you don't know, moving in and out.

It's ok saying just move in with friends, but I don't have any friends in a similar situation anymore. Several have gone back to the family home, which I can't do. The rest are married with kids now.

AIBU to think it's not great for adults to live like this long term? Just a moany observation really!

purplelila2 Sat 11-Aug-18 12:24:07

House shares aren't meant to be long term as far as I know. I did it at uni and didn't like it.

Use the chance to allow you to save as much for a deposit on your own place as much as possible be it renting or owning

glintandglide Sat 11-Aug-18 12:25:03

No it’s not great at all to live like this long term. Can you and got other half move in together?

SardineHousing Sat 11-Aug-18 12:25:24

I live in the south east, I can't save at the moment. If things change then yes absolutely. But a lot of people are in my shoes and can't save despite sharing.

dudsville Sat 11-Aug-18 12:27:41

I completely agree with you op.

SardineHousing Sat 11-Aug-18 12:27:45

We will in time but for various reasons (children etc) it is not the right time yet. That's the plan for the future for us though.

purplelila2 Sat 11-Aug-18 12:28:08

OP I think I'm around your age? I'm 34
also in the south east I saved and bought

Neshoma Sat 11-Aug-18 12:29:21

It depends who you share with. If the other residents are peaceful, tidy and respectful is should be fairly pleasant to live with them. On the other hand if they come in at all hours, banging and crashing and leaving the kitchen a mess I think most people would find it hard.

eightfacesofthemoon Sat 11-Aug-18 12:30:25

It’s an unfortunate part of life today in the expensive parts of this country. And it’s pretty horrible. I don’t know anyone who wants to do it post 20s
A one bed or studio in London is around 800/1000 p/m for something pretty grotty
It’s an awful situation and sometimes makes me think that as a single person on minimum wage or just above you’re seen as a lesser person, economically
What happened when it was easy to have a little flat or studio for reasonable money.

One beds are almost always afforded by couples so they can afford 1200 because it’s only 600 each.
You can’t get anything other than a shared house for 600

MissionItsPossible Sat 11-Aug-18 12:30:42

I don’t agree with the thread title but I agree with your post.

@purplelila2 good for you. What’s your point? OP is obviously not in the same situation as you.

harshbuttrue1980 Sat 11-Aug-18 12:32:23

Could you move in as a lodger with an older person? This might be more stable than the constant comings and goings in a houseshare. Or in a self-contained annexe? I live in the SE and lived in a granny annexe for years to save up until I could afford to buy my own place. It wasn't perfect, but I had my own front door and a studio room, kitchenette and bathroom on my own. Or if your earnings are low, consider taking the plunge and moving out of the SE. (I know its hard, I moved in the other direction due to redundancy)

MatildaTheCat Sat 11-Aug-18 12:33:28

Yours sounds like a particularly small and uncomfortable house share. There are nice places with bigger kitchens and a sitting room available which would surely be better even if slightly less central or more expensive?

Are you and your partner likely to share at some point? That obviously makes things more affordable.

SardineHousing Sat 11-Aug-18 12:34:14

Purplelila2, that's great you were able to do that. Out of curiosity can you give ballpark figures of what your rent was, and what salary range you were on?

Feckitall Sat 11-Aug-18 12:34:44

Agree OP...DS1 has MH problems, his psych report stated he needed independent self contained accommodation...he could only get HB help for shared.....council/homeless teams were pushing to supported shared...he also has DC...he didn't view shared accommodation with people with addiction/MH issues worse than his own (no addiction thank god) as suitable for being able to see DC...worsening his MH --...in the end he found himself a small studio flat...not ideal but better than sharing.
There needs to be review of this...it adds to homelessness...creates stress...and don't get me started on UC in the mix... angry

Carriebradshawsshoes Sat 11-Aug-18 12:35:42

It can be great for you mh if you are sharing with respectful people. It can feel safe and there’s always someone to chat to. I dont get the stigma. What else can you do in London if you are single?

SandyY2K Sat 11-Aug-18 12:36:21

I can imagine it's depressing at times.

I moved into a shared house in my mid twenties for financial reasons and I was so worried I'd become depressed.

I would spend time out of the house a lot...I had to make myself happy or I would have cried at having to leave a 1 bed flat to be in a room.

I made a point of being positive and told myself it was a temporary situation to save money.

Thank God it wasn't for long and I got a housing association flat after a few months...much sooner than I thought I would.

I think the cost of housing pushes couples to live together before their really ready. Especially in London.

SardineHousing Sat 11-Aug-18 12:37:39

No I do not want to be a lodger again. I did that before and had zero rights and was suddenly given notice when it suited the person. Here is a proper HMO with a proper tenancy so I have security for a year at a time. Much better.

Loopytiles Sat 11-Aug-18 12:38:05

For sure poor, cramped, expensive or insecure housing can be a factor negatively affecting mental health. Sounds really difficult.

All you can do is consider your options for your work and living locations, and what housing options are possible within your budget.

purplelila2 Sat 11-Aug-18 12:38:10

MissionItsPossible
My point is I've been there and it is possible to get out !

annandale Sat 11-Aug-18 12:38:19

I agree it's pretty hard longterm. There might be better options - agree about that scheme where you llive with an older person and get reduced rent for some companionship - that would be more comfortable I would have thought? Maybe hard to find but something to move towards.

I finally lived completely on my own at 32 and blimey it was nice. I had to move to achieve it though.

glintandglide Sat 11-Aug-18 12:39:51

OP have you looked at shared ownership or housing association? Lots of housing associations offer affordable rents which are 80% of market rent and these are fairly easy to obtain. Check out some websites, I’m sure you’d qualify.

Also, what about moving to a cheaper area? One of the advantages you have is a bit more time so you can travel by bus instead of tube, coach etc which can negate the commuting costs of moving out.

I know you just wanted a moan but just suggesting.

eightfacesofthemoon Sat 11-Aug-18 12:40:00

You’re a bit fucked if you’re in London and don’t earn a couple of grand a month.
And even then if you’re outgoings on housing are around 1200 and food a couple of hundred, 100 for travel, you’re left with £500, if you have any uni debt that’s around another 100, so you’ve got £400 left, I’m sure lots of people could come on here and say they saved £300 per month for 10 years and only ate baked beans and never went out and they bought a house.
But the reality is very different.

purplelila2 Sat 11-Aug-18 12:40:14

@SardineHousing to start with I earned very little and was a student when I was out of uni I earned 16k

purplelila2 Sat 11-Aug-18 12:41:36

Also put your name down for council and housing association I did although they didn't help as I never managed to get a place

SardineHousing Sat 11-Aug-18 12:44:27

It's actually a nice house! My room is nice and fairly large - it probably would be marketed as a bedsit by some other agencies.

Kitchen is admittedly very small and we have no sitting room. Lack of a sitting room is something that has only recently started to get to me, hence thinking I just feel differently about it all compared to several years back.

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