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This is not a reasonable suggestion.

(63 Posts)
confusedatthis Mon 28-May-18 08:51:28

DH is FIFO, very happy relationship. But I get lonely when he is away. We both enjoy what his role and my income affords us. We have a good level of intimacy and I miss that and the companionship when he is away. He suggested me 'meeting someone else' to keep me company while he is away. He said he wasn't looking for the same in return, but doesn't want me to be lonely or to turn round in 10 years and leave him because he is never here. The only criteria is that I'm honest and open about it. I've been really upset by this. DH seems to think it's a perfectly acceptable solution to a problem. I think he has lost his mind. On what planet would anyone think this is normal?

Psychobabble123 Mon 28-May-18 08:53:16

What is FIFO? It could be a reasonable suggestion for some couples, but if it has upset you clearly it isn't for you.

Pengggwn Mon 28-May-18 08:53:45

Is this in response to you saying you're lonely? Yes, I would be confused

confusedatthis Mon 28-May-18 08:55:06

Fly in
Fly out

Aprilmightbemynewname Mon 28-May-18 08:55:17

He has another woman. ..

Bluntness100 Mon 28-May-18 08:55:48

I don't know what fifo is either,

But yes, I could see why you'd be upset he's suggested you meet someone else, and of course it means ultimately he wishes to do the same.

BlondeB83 Mon 28-May-18 08:56:22

That’s not a good situation for you to be in, it sounds like he wants to afford himself the same thing he’s offering you, a woman in every port as such!

brizzledrizzle Mon 28-May-18 08:56:53

He's got another woman and he's trying to ease his conscience by giving you 'permission' to get yourself a sex buddy.

BlondeB83 Mon 28-May-18 08:56:58

How long is he away for? At most/least?

SleepFreeZone Mon 28-May-18 08:57:47

It stands for ‘fly in, fly out’ relationship.

Ikabod Mon 28-May-18 08:58:07

A good friend of mine is in an open marriage (on both sides). They both seem happy and she is in a long-term relationship (female partner). They don't have kids, so there isn't an issue there.
It does work for some people but my god, you don't go into it unless you are both 100% sure it would work for you. If you've any doubts, don't even go there!

C0untDucku1a Mon 28-May-18 08:58:33

Fifo? I bet youre the other woman now.

Bluntness100 Mon 28-May-18 08:58:36

Yes, I'd also assume he has met someone else already.

AtrociousCircumstance Mon 28-May-18 09:00:09

As with PPs my immediate assumption would be he either has someone else or regularly hooks up with other people.

I know he’s said he doesn’t want that but once you agree to the idea he will be able to be more open about his other relationships in a while.

ScrubTheDecks Mon 28-May-18 09:00:45

I’m not sure what FIFO is, but no, it doesn’t sound a healthy solution.

Or rather, if we were geared up to never be jealous, to accept open relationships in confidence, perhaps it would be. But most of us are not like that. So we mistrust it.

Doesn’t he miss you, and get lonely?

Honestly, unless he is incapable of ever feeling jealousy or possessiveness I would wonder whether he had some voyeuristic interest in you havjng other partners, some fo of emotional masochism? or is gay, or wants a reciprocal freedom.

But if FIFO isn’t negotiable, whatever it is, you probably need to be assertive in finding things to distract you, learn to live with it, or find a non FIFO DP.

Sounds hard.

Singlenotsingle Mon 28-May-18 09:01:28

Why is he away? It sounds like it's for long periods. Is he with the Army? But NO it's not an acceptable solution to the problem! A very strange thing to say. I'd be worried

Bluntness100 Mon 28-May-18 09:03:30

Well my husband is ex forces. Used to go away for three months at a time. Never once did he suggest I hook up with other blokes, in fact if I had it would have ended the relationship.

No one suggests this unless they want to do it or already are. No one.

ScrubTheDecks Mon 28-May-18 09:05:24

So is it like a long distance relationship? He lives elsewhere but visits where you are for work, or just to see you?

Do you ever fly in to him?

I would suspect he sees other people, OR he can’t cope with you being ‘needy’ in saying you miss him

KERALA1 Mon 28-May-18 09:05:46

I would immediately think he's got someone else and trying to make himself feel less bad.

SodTheGreenfly Mon 28-May-18 09:06:48

Can't you get an outside interest: choir, political party, book group, etc?

pieceofpurplesky Mon 28-May-18 09:09:45

As others have said - how long is he away

LunaMay Mon 28-May-18 09:23:28

Does he stay onsite when away? Ever mentioned any female workers?

GoForthSon Mon 28-May-18 09:27:04

Can't you get an outside interest: choir, political party, book group, etc?

Can't think of anything worse tbh.

lubeybooby Mon 28-May-18 09:31:35

I would think he wants to not feel guilty about the other person he's seeing - plus he then has a reason to leave you

confusedatthis Mon 28-May-18 09:34:59

I have plenty of hobbies, don't exactly sit at home while he's gone. But it's not the same as being in the same bed as your DH every night. FIFO for work, his time away varies depending on contracts. Sometimes 1 week, sometimes longer, locations varies - but same one more often than others. He admits that he doesn't get jealous. He likes the ego boost of men chatting me up or looking at me. So I think part of it is voyeuristic, getting off on the thought of other men being with his wife. We both miss each other, it's not just me being 'needy'

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