I know I'm not but how much should I stand up to MIL?
DH is a rather spoilt man-child who has very old fashioned views of M/F roles. I knew this when I married him and was OK with me doing the home stuff as he would be busy doing DIY, cars etc. However, over time he has taken up a couple of quite physical, time consuming hobbies, one of which he has grown into a self employed business. He does make some money at it but has had to hugely remortgage - it will eventually be a worthwhile financial investment but in the interim 25 years or so we see far less of him than we would if he did a normal job. I would prefer he worked 9-5 for his previous employer and had less debt. He then spends two nights a week out and most of Sunday on his other hobbies. He does get tired and I accept that, but it came to a head last Sun when he came home at lunchtime (half cut as usual) and then spent the whole afternoon in front of the TV saying 'sunday is a day of rest'.
I said 'great, I wish I knew that - I won't cook from now on then'. He thought I was joking until he came home this lunchtime and found the sunday roast waiting for him to cook with a list of instructions. (well he sort of knew as he and the kids got the veg ready last night, but I think he thought I would cave in). I picked up his elderly MIL who always comes for lunch and she was clearly horrified, but I kept smiling (had a lovely morning doing stuff with DD instead of slaving over the kitchen).
However, she had a face on all through lunch (which was mostly OK as I had left him a detailed list of exactly what to do and when, and had already cooked the meat and done the apple sauce etc) and then started muttering about how her darling boy was so tired and shouldn't have to do this etc etc!! I'm ashamed to say I did get rather cross and did raise my voice somewhat saying that things have moved on from her days and men are expected to pull their weight in the house, and if he's tired he should pick golf instead as a hobby. She had the nerve to argue and say in her day they looked after their men (!), so I pointed out that I am looking after the kids as well as working part time and doing all DH's books, which she never did - but she doesn't get it. Anyway I left the room and heard her muttering that she wouldn't come to lunch any more - and she later left with DH without replying to my cheery goodbye. (DD also told me that she was complaining to DH earlier that I shouldn't have left DS (8) home alone for the ten minutes it took to pick her up. I've done this for a while, during the day, for short trips and he's quite happy). Grrrr!
So - I'm sure I will calm down and be civil again next time we meet, but AIBU?? I know it's all a bit petty but feeding the family is my worst chore! I absolutely hate having to plan meals and drop everything night after night just to feed people, and doing Sunday lunch makes it literally a non-day for me from about 10 a.m. to 3pm or so, week in week out! While DH plays and then relaxes!
Am I within my rights to stand up for myself to MIL, or should I bite my tongue? Also, DD didn't like us arguing so I explained that things were different in MIL's time but she (DD) should never accept a man who didn't help with the chores - which she totally gets. But should I gloss over it and say MIL is lovely full stop, or am I ok to say MIL is lovely but has old fashioned views and you can ignore those when she gets on her high horse? I hate putting people down to other people (except on mumsnet 
) but equally I do feel I'm justified in having my opinion on this.
BTW, MIL is usually fine, just very old fashioned and can be opinionated.
AIBU?
MIL.....Grrr! I know IANBU but need allies!
Gaaahhh · 25/02/2018 16:46
I really can't understand why your mil is the subject of your anger and not your pathetic and selfish husband 
How do you find a man like that attractive?
And telling your daughter not to get together with a chauvinistic pillock is all very well, but she's likely to be much more influenced by the example of the relationship she grows up with - a woman putting up with a chauvinistic pillock 
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To be fair to DH (who is the main cause of problem, I agree, but she made him that way ) he did make the lunch without a word of complaint. It was only MIL who thought - loudly - that it was terrible that the poor soul should be having to help make a meal!
Pottering - 5 hours might be a maximum but if we do a large joint or a piece of pork then I'm probably starting stuff from around 10, eat at 1, then washing up and clearing up after the meal can take until nearly 3. Obv there are gaps in between but not enough to do anything, so the day's pretty much gone.......
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.