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To think enough is enough?

(59 Posts)
Scrambledheads Wed 31-Jan-18 18:18:47

Need opinions. Separated from stbxh a year ago and made sure he saw ds5 and dd3 regularly. He had to move in with a family member so he saw the kids at my house and I left.
After around 6 months of regular contact, I got a phone call from him saying ds had hurt his arm and could I come home and have a look. (I'm a nurse). When I arrived he was screaming in pain and had very clearly dislocated his elbow. Took him to a&e who popped it back to normal. Stbxh said he had grabbed him to stop him falling off the sofa when playing and this had happened.
About a month later I discover a large, bleeding carpet burn on ds chest. Apparently this was the result of play fighting. I reminded stbxh to be careful.
A month after that stbxh told me that ds had wet himself just before bedtime. He said it was out of the blue and didn't know why, but when I asked ds, he said daddy had shouted at him for getting out of bed and scared him and he'd had an accident.
Fast forward to this week and I come back to another carpet burn on ds chest. More rough playing apparently. Stbxh got an earful but he never heeds my advice.
AIBU to think this is too many incidents after being repeatedly warned? I expect bruises and bumps in a child of his age but he very rarely has those, even when playing with friends, and it seems to happen a lot with his father. Scaring him into setting himself is another issue.
As DS had an asthma check up this week, his gp saw the burn and made a face. She said she'd have to make a note of it as she'd seen it.
AIBU to worry about leaving the children with stbxh? Am I being too protective or not taking this seriously enough.?

constantlyseekinghappiness Wed 31-Jan-18 18:21:23

You’re not taking this seriously enough!!!!!!

Thats incredibly concerning. You need to take action now.

Start by asking your son what’s been happening!!!

NewYearNewMe18 Wed 31-Jan-18 18:22:11

You're a nurse. You know about safeguarding. Bluntly WTF are you asking us about something your job entails?

Greensleeves Wed 31-Jan-18 18:26:08

Yes, enough is enough. This is a pattern of unexplained injuries that have all occurred while your son is in the care of his father. You need to stop contact now.

I would probably take him to my gp as first port of call and tell him/her the whole history and ask for advice on what to do next. Or you could call social services and self-refer. I'm sure other posters will have better practical advice.

But this has gone too far. Your son is at risk.

Knittedfairies Wed 31-Jan-18 18:27:28

You are a nurse; what would you do if a child presented with these injuries?

DragonBone Wed 31-Jan-18 18:30:09

How the heck do you get a carpet burn on a child's chest ?

Something going on here op

Scrambledheads Wed 31-Jan-18 18:31:33

I’m an adult nurse, and adults rarely have injuries explained as play fighting injuries.

Pandoraphile Wed 31-Jan-18 18:31:51

This has to be a joke. No one could be this stupid.

Idontdowindows Wed 31-Jan-18 18:32:20

You are not taking this seriously enough.

Either stop contact now, or put hidden cameras up if you cannot stop contact now.

Greensleeves Wed 31-Jan-18 18:33:05

If ds was in your home, and your dp/brother/dad/family friend had been "playfighting" with him to the extent that he had received these injuries, what would you be doing about it?

They sound like yanking and dragging injuries to me.

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders Wed 31-Jan-18 18:34:26

1. Talk to your son about these injuries and how they occurred.
2. See GP to have injuries recorded.
3. Self-refer to social services (although GP will also do this).
4. Stop unsupervised contact with STBXH until you are sure DCs are safe.

PotatoesOfTheCarribean Wed 31-Jan-18 18:34:37

This sounds very worrying! My two have never had the kind of injuries you're talking about, and they do a LOT of play fighting.

The carpet burns are weird and concerning.

HolyMountain Wed 31-Jan-18 18:35:13

I’d be very concerned.

Sorry OP but you need to step up and take action.

Scrambledheads Wed 31-Jan-18 18:35:18

Sorry posted too soon.
I am concerned, hence the post. I am just trying to gauge if these are normal play injuries or not. Obviously I need a very good reason to stop contact and don’t want to overreact.

PotatoesOfTheCarribean Wed 31-Jan-18 18:35:26

Christ, somehow I missed the bit about the dislocated elbow!

NewYearNewMe18 Wed 31-Jan-18 18:35:48

But you have to have upto date safeguarding training which covers both adult and child scenarios.

PotatoesOfTheCarribean Wed 31-Jan-18 18:36:23

What does your son say about the injuries?

Clandestino Wed 31-Jan-18 18:36:28

So you're a nurse, your child comes home with burns on his chest not once but twice, plus a dislocated elbow, plus he tells your your ex partner has some anger issues which caused your child to wet his bed and you're casually asking if that's not a bit serious?
Wow, I'd be going to police now. Immediately. And flagging it to Social Services too.

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail Wed 31-Jan-18 18:36:38

Bloody hell, is this a wind-up?! You know what to do!!!!

iamafraidofvirginiawolves3cats Wed 31-Jan-18 18:37:33

Stop contact unless you are there to supervise. Find out from your son what happened, what he and dad were doing and how he felt about it. Had he asked Dad to stop for example?

Take it from there. I would tell Dad that this is unacceptable.

WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe Wed 31-Jan-18 18:39:32

Have you asked your son about the injuries to his chest and arm? What does he say when he gets back from his dad's?

Wakeuptortoise Wed 31-Jan-18 18:41:59

The injuries don't match up to the stories told. I would maybe set a camera up in kids bedrooms and lounge. Or just self refer. Also the visiting in your home sounds like a pita for you....

Soubriquet Wed 31-Jan-18 18:42:34

Dislocated elbow would have made me raise my eyebrows but thought ok accidents happen

But then carpet burn on the chest?! That would send my red flags waving.

Stop letting see your children now! Seek legal advice if necessary

GrockleBocs Wed 31-Jan-18 18:43:25

It's not a normal set of injuries, no. Ds has had a couple of injuries mucking about at home but nothing on the scale you describe. I think you should start questioning their safety in his care. Even if it is accidental, it's not good enough.

MrsBobDylan Wed 31-Jan-18 18:43:43

As his sister is only 3, I'm assuming the playfighting is between your ex and your son. In which case, dragging a child until their chest bleeds is NOT playfighting. It's physical abuse. I was stop all contact and call SS.

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