AIBU to put in a complaint about my HV?

[Queenofthestress]

Okay, so I've always had a few issues with my health visitor. In a nutshell they are;
She has repeatedly said that DS doesn't have additional needs, it's all in my head apparently
Commented on the fact that I'm recieving DLA for him and she thinks I shouldn't be, nearly every meeting since it was awarded
Thinks that I'm either doing drink/drugs or have mental health issues because she's seen me looking 'untidy' on the school run, - she's specifically said that in a report to school
she is repeatedly insistant that she thinks I've got mental health issues, even though both school, paeds, my doctors and every other bugger and their mother has said that I'm fine and present no outward signs of mental issues.
Told school she thinks I'm giving my drug using, alcoholic ex unsupervised access to DD even though I have specifically told her twice I wasn't, the latest time was the friday before a school meeting were all of us were meant to be present on the monday after (she never attended, like usual)
During the meeting at school she sent a list of concerns that were 8+ months old, some of them dating back to before I was pregnant with DD, so a good two years old yet she sent them as if they were current concerns even though I only saw her once in the entirety of 2017
Said that she doesn't think I understand the pead reports because I use the words out of the report in conversation and she thinks I'm parroting them without understanding, even though she knows for a fact that I've been doing this since DS was 18 months

I just really really dislike her, every single visit (the once in 2017 when DD was 4 months, she's now just over 1) for the past two years atleast she's gone on about my mental health and how she thinks I've got issues because I accessed mental health services when I was 16 after my head was used as a ping pong ball between a railing and a wall by my best friend since I was 3.

I've never given her any reason to be concerned, never accessed mental health services since I was 16, occasionally I look a bit messy but I have a 4 year old with an obsession with running his hands in your hair no matter whats on his hands.

Would IBU to complain to PALS about her?

[BishopBrennansArse]

YANBU.
No reason why you can't ask for another HV or decline the service altogether.

[Queenofthestress]

I've tried asking for a new HV before, they're quite useful when it comes to getting the ball rolling with DS and his needs, but her manager declined the request
She wants me to start a 6 week course where she comes in for 6 weeks to see me and does surprise visits to see if I'm 'coping' and check I'm not using anything.
She wants me to do it because I had a malicious social services complaint made against me (I know exactly who it was, and that's a whole new kettle of fish altogether) I was cleared in less than 24hrs by social services through speaking to the school and peads.

If I decline to see her, then will that look bad on me?

[Slartybartfast]

how old is your dc?
if your ds is at school you wont see the hv?
i wouldnt decline to see anyone

[BHillary]

I'd decline her visit, phone whoever you phone in your area and demand a new health visitor. You can't be refused a different one you are within your rights. And if they do decline ask to speak to their boss you'll get one!

[JustVent]

Put in a complaint. Absolutely, that way the manager can look at it all and make a decision.

[JustVent]

I was also surprised that you were refused a different one. I’m pretty sure that’s not allowed to be refused.

[Queenofthestress]

DS is 4, not yet full time school and DD is 1 so I see her either way because of DD
I currently see the Pead, the orthotics bloke, the SENCO, pastoral officer at school, as well as his teacher and TA, and soon the family hub worker on a regular basis so I think it's a bit stupid really that I have to see her.
I might just say that I don't need her anymore, decline to do her course, and tell them to basically sod off in politer terms, then put in a complaint

[Queenofthestress]

Oh and the early years practioner at the hospital
He's not yet got a full diagnosis so there's quite a few people involved until we can get an ECHP

[BigBaboonBum]

She sounds bloody awful and you need to stop seeing her. My HV was awful too and ended up trying to get social services involved just because I wasn’t home (I was in hospital with my newborn!!!), she even stated that it was possible for me to come back from the hospital (2+ hour round trip) just to see her, I said no and she again tried to contact SS she also had builders knock on the bedroom window (with ladders) where we were asleep one morning just to wake me up. SS said it’s a total waste of their time, which it obviously was.
I was far too busy at hospital appointments due to my sons condition but for some reason she really didn’t like that so took a dislike to me... If I’d have known I was allowed to totally decline the service I’d have been so much happier.
Of course if you do need the help then I would try to sort something out, I believe there are also drop in centres which offer the same thing

[Merryoldgoat]

I know that my experience isn't 'the' experience, but I've never found a helpful or useful Health Visitor. They varied from unhelpful at best to actually stupid at worst.

In your position I would stop using the service and put in a complaint too.

I stopped seeing them at 6 months with DS1 when they kept telling me he was too heavy.

[Truthstar]

Much much more to this

[Daffodils07]

I would take them on their offer of these visits, but ONLY with a new HV.
And then when they see that there is nothing concerning going on then report the old HV.
I have been so lucky with my HV, I have two with additional needs (11 and 17) and when my youngest was born (she is 2 now) I had postnatal depression and I was never made to feel like a bad parent HV was supportive and have just came to my last family around the team to be there for me.
I understand they need to watch for families that might be neglecting or abusing their children but yours seems hell bent for some reason trying to overide the pead and school and doctors and trying to prove she is right.
I had a professional like that involved with my 11 year old ASD child saying he couldnt be autistic because he could smile and even said our 41 inch tv was to blame so yes I can quite agree that a very few professionals do like to try and prove people wrong!

[BigBaboonBum]

@Truthstar maybe not though. Mine was simply because I was in hospital and she assumed I couldn’t possibly be out all the time and thus ignoring her (I was out, much to my own dismay) and all she had to do was ask the gp but instead took the hump with me because I told her to do her job properly - she was a brand new HV so I guess she was extra on edge. Also looked like she was half my age. I shouldn’t have snapped but after a long stint in hospital to come home for a day and have a letter saying she was contacting SS it was too much.
So maybe there isn’t more to it other than an incompetent HV. It happens.

[Oblomov18]

I Agree. My old HV has some outdated 'concerns' about me, which when I finally saw them in writing, I was shocked.
I made a complaint and it was upheld and they apologised.

[hatgirl]

I think you need to write a very short, unemotional and careful letter, setting out that you are more than willing to engage with the health visitor service as you feel they could offer you some beneficial support in relation to your DS but that you feel that the relationship between you and Ms Z is not beneficial as you believe she has formed an incorrect view of your situation that does not mirror the opinions of other professionals involved with your family and therefore you feel it would be more appropriate to be assigned another health visitor.

[Medeci]

To those saying you're entitiled to get a different HV - you're not.
Although it might happen if the HV team is organised in a way that makes it easy for another HV to take over without involving extra NHS costs (increased mileage, travel time etc).
As a manager I would tell parents they could decline visits and attend any clinic if they wanted to see another HV.
If there's a child protection plan in place then regular attendance at clinic, or accepting their HV visiting at home may be part of the plan.

[fleshmarketclose]

My HV ended up being asked to leave the MDA meeting by ds's paed because she insisted ds had no additional needs after seeing reports from all the professionals involved in his care.
I wasn't actually present but it was reported back to me as it was extraordinary and particularly so because ds's paed had a very calm and unruffled nature.
She apparently left with the words ignorant and obstructive ringing in her ears. I pressed a complaint and received an apology and she was later dismissed after a baby nearly died when she didn't spot he was dehydrated and blocked his parents from getting an appointment with a GP.
I never saw a HV with my next baby as I made it clear when pregnant I didn't want one and GP agreed to do all checks.
I would write and decline further input from HV services, a bad HV is far worse than no HV.

[Queenofthestress]

@Truthstar, okay then so what do you thinks going on that the 6, soon to be 7 professionals, not counting the speech therapist that only just discharged him because he is seeing a private speech therapist at school and the physiotherapist could have missed?

Can we include that they have to change DS on a daily basis at school because he gets drenched, so would have seen any marks or bruises?

And that the HV has never even seen alcohol in my house or bin or recycling since I don't drink let alone do anything else other than smoke?

[MissDuke]

If there is no social services involvement at all now then I don't think unengaging from the service will look bad. Write in a further complaint detailing how rude she has been about you. Close with stating that you have previously requested a change of HV and if this cannot be facilitated then they leave you no choice but to withdraw from their service. Make it clear it is THEIR fault but try to be unemotional and factual. I would even ask for a copy to go on DC's medical files with the GP to make it clear you tried to resolve this. Good luck op Feel free to ask here for advice on the wording.

[tabbywabby]

I made a complaint about my health visitor making a false statement to my GP (because I wasn't doing what I wanted). She was disciplined, and I was told she would never have any contact with me again, but I declined all further contact with the HV service after that (my son was around 1 then).

[bastardkitty]

I think you have more than enough reasons to decline any further input from this useful individual. I would make a full written complaint to PALS and state that you would welcome the proposed input but not from this staff member as you no longer have any confidence at all in her.

[Queenofthestress]

Nope, no child protection plan or anything, the case was completely closed, only with the request that I continue working with the school on an early years help plan to see if we can get him potty trained and able to dress himself before he goes full time, the meeting to start that was already in place since november

[Moanaohnana]

If you have had recent social services involvement (however unfair you find it) then do not start declining Health Visitor visits, it will not work out well for you.