Rude comment

[splatattack]

So I tried on an outfit tonight I was planning to wear on New Year's Eve. I am staying at my parents and walked downstairs to get tea in the outfit. I was wearing a black cashmere jumper (M&S) with a pair of silk patterned shorts (DKNY) with black tights and boots. I asked my mum what she thought and she said well you wouldn't leave the house like that...I said I would and she said 'splat, you are 33 not 23 grow up'. There is lots of other drama going on at the moment but later I called her up on this as I said it was rude to say this, and has denied that she was rude, she is entitled to have an opinion. Who is being unreasonable here?

[Spartasprout]

Your mum. Wear what you want, it might not be what your mum would choose for you to wear but would you honestly want her picking your clothes? I'm nearly 60 and wouldn't dream of criticising something my daughters wore. Remember, age is just a number!

[Namechangetempissue]

Your mum was rude.
I am always honest if asked an opinion on an outfit, but I would never just blurt out such horrible things, even if I thought them. Wear whatever you like.

[clickers123]

You asked your mum what she thought and unfortunately, she told you... Wear your outfit with pride and enjoy your evening!

[GlitterGlassEye]

My mum would never say this to me and I’m 34. Sorry to be blunt but does she have form for this crap?

[PrincessoftheSea]

Why ask them?

[Reflexella]

Rude. Don’t ask in future & add sequins & glitter

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

You can wear what you like.
"You're 33" your mum's words not mine, yours nor anyone else's.

[Iwasjustabouttosaythat]

But you asked? Should she have just said you look great even if she doesn’t think so? If she’s trying to stop you embarrassing yourself (in her opinion)? If you know her taste differs a lot to yours then don’t ask her in the future or you won’t get the response you’re looking for.

[NoCanoe]

You asked for opinion. You got it. .
What was the question?

[LolaTheDarkdestroyer]

Yeah my mums a bitch like that and says what she thinks if you feel good in the outfit wear it but mums are always honest!

[splatattack]

Thank you all...I agree, she is definitely
entitled to her own opinion but I would ask that she phrases it in a nicer way. Her comment embarrassed me when all she had to say was hmmm, I'm not too sure, you have nicer outfits etc. I would say something like that to her...

I am more annoyed now at her refusal to acknowledge that she might have been rude.

[Italiangreyhound]

Your mum is being unreasonable, and rude. But don't ask her again what she thinks.

[ReggaetonLente]

I think your outfit sounds lovely! My mum does this fwiw. I once came down in a pair of sequinned shorts (I was 20 in fairness) and she told me I looked like a transsexual hooker. She also regularly tells me my tummy looks big, arse looks fat etc (size 10-12 here, she’s a damn sight bigger...)

It’s about her issues, not mine. Her ideas about what a woman is worth is intrinsically tied up with size, weight, youth and attractiveness and that’s why she can’t help but comment. Do you think your mum might be a bit similar?

[splatattack]

I feel like anytime I wear anything she wouldn't wear she doesn't like it so puts me/the outfit down...but she is so particular over what she wears and often me too. I always have to put a lot of thought into what clothes I am taking home with me when I visit..once I insisted on wearing leggings and trainers when walking into town (over a year ago) and she would barely talk to me/look at me the whole day. I knew it was because of the trainers and later she admitted it...said why would I embarrass her and don't I know that she wants to show me off when I look my best...so I shouldn't expect much more from her but I always do...

[Iwasjustabouttosaythat]

She sounds a bit over the top. My mother used to do the old, “I bought a dress but it’s WAY too big for me. I’m sure it would fit you”. Or, “you know those jeans that are too small for you? Can I have them? They’d fit me”. Truly atrocious to be competing with your own daughter. Also I’m a size 10. It’s not like she’s “gently” encouraging me to be healthy. You have my sympathy, OP. Don’t ask her again.

[elisaveta]

I once came down on Christmas Day wearing a new outfit and my mother took one look at me and shouted 'oh God. We'll pay for you yo have surgery.' I guess she didn't like my appearance that day.

[LockedOutOfMN]

My mother just does a sharp intake of breath whenever she sees me in a new outfit or I try something on. It's been the same since I was a child. She says she can't buy me clothes as she doesn't know where stocks my size. I'm an 8-10. She's much, much thinner than me, though.

[LockedOutOfMN]

Elisaveta

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

Wear and enjoy with sparkle, both real and metaphorical..!

My mum had form for this too.... Used to drive me nuts... She would have no understanding that her style was not necessarily what I wanted at 20/30!

She was always saying that I would 'look' better' if I did 'x, y, z.... Which would be ok if I'd ask for her style advice... Think twinset type outfits... Anyone would think I dressed like I fell out of a skip... But my style has always been a bit hippy ish with stompy boots etc.. But look smart enough in my work role.
The her strategy changed... Sje thought if she presented it as a gift that I'd more likely to acquiesce! I didn't!
I too had the ' I ordered it for myself, but think it will look better in you'.. Mostly hideous things a badly dressed 75 year old would wear when I was in my late 20s! She was always really bothered about weight and others judging me.. (I have no interest in what random people think!)...she even used to suggest I wear a girdle when I was a size 14....

[ivykaty44]

You asked for your mums opinion. You didn’t like her reply, so then call her up on her opinion

You are the one being unreasonable

Don’t ask for an opinion unless you are prepared to hear the actual opinion

[Blackteadrinker77]

Why do you need your Mum s opinion on your clothes?

[Havingahorridtime]

If I ask my mums opinion on an outfit I would hope for and expect an honest opinion even if that opinion is that I look terrible or the clothing isn't suitable.
An opinion is just the thoughts of one person and other people may think the opposite.
YABU to ask for somebody's opinion and then complain because their opinion isn't what you wanted to hear.

[DottyS]

I think you were unreasonable - you asked she answered with an honest opinion. In our family the rule is "if you don't want an honest answer don't ask the question". If you didn't want her opinion then you shouldn't have asked in the first place

[splatattack]

I don't need her opinion..I am staying at theirs for xmas and I happened to have tried on an outfit that I had mentioned previously and said these are the shorts I was telling you about...what do you think? It was a passing comment from me, one that didn't require such a negative response** (I don't think anyway)..my outfit wasn't outrageous either, a very normal, understated thing to wear...

[brizzledrizzle]

That's why I don't ask, I know I'd get a negative response but I don't need my mother's approval. She was rude, yes.