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AIBU to think it’s hard to have lots of friends as an adult?

(60 Posts)
Didntcomeheretofuckspiders Sun 12-Nov-17 12:10:44

I’m an adult woman in my mid-late 20s, settled with my partner, working full time, spending our time off together... enjoying our little bubble really. But it has occurred to me that I don’t really have a lot of friends? I have a two or three friends who I text occasionally, and probably have coffee or a meal with someone once a month, possibly slightly more. Is this abnormal? Don’t get me wrong: I get on with people at work, I have acquaintances at the gym and other hobbies, and I see family regularly. I just don’t really know how other people have time to have a massive social life? Maybe it’s because I prioritise my hobbies and getting enough sleep? I’m perfectly happy, I’m just wondering if this is normal?

grobagsforever Sun 12-Nov-17 12:25:02

Don't know about normal but it's a little foolish. Who would you rely on if you and partner split?

SilverSpot Sun 12-Nov-17 12:28:08

I don’t think that sounds great TBH, sounds lonely and self absorbed.

DaisyRaine90 Sun 12-Nov-17 12:32:29

It’s a lot like my life.
I’m trying to make more effort socially and build a bigger network because it puts a strain on my relationship that I don’t get enough other social interaction

I think I just need 1 or 2 more friends but who I see more regularly or at least speak to on the phone. Maybe try to make a gym buddy? X

burdog Sun 12-Nov-17 12:33:09

Self-absorbed, really?

I think quality of friendships, not quantity, matters.

DaisyRaine90 Sun 12-Nov-17 12:33:25

Also as others have said if you ended up single for whatever reason you would need more of a support network than that.

Are you close to your family? X

Crumbs1 Sun 12-Nov-17 12:34:26

Otis of different ways to choose to live your life. If it makes you happy, that’s fine. Not everyone wants or needs wild parties every weekend.

Firenight Sun 12-Nov-17 12:36:19

If you’re happy with that it’s fine.

I make friends through my hobbies so find it easier as an adult than as a child in many ways to find people on my wave length. They aren’t all very local though.

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders Sun 12-Nov-17 12:39:10

Get on really well with my family and extended family. Get on well with people at work, just don’t tend to socialise with them outside of work that often because we all work shifts and it can be quite hard to organise, plus I live an hour and away from most other people. If I ever had any issues I know I have a few close friends I could count on and the same if they needed me. I just don’t feel the need to be one of these people who could invite 100 people to a birthday party.

DaisyRaine90 Sun 12-Nov-17 12:41:42

Me either OP don’t worry about it you are doing great and most of that’s just for the Facebook or Instagram picture anyway

Most of them only have a few close people when it comes to it x

AtlanticWaves Sun 12-Nov-17 12:42:14

I was like that mid twenties because of me and then various friends moving abroad to different places.

DH and I worked hard, did loads of sport and spent lots of time together.

10 years later we're still very happy together. Working less, less sport and all spare time spent with our DC.

We're both introverts and this is how we're happy.

Occasionally we do wonder if we should get more friends (we have 2-3 good ones each, only one of whom lives in our city)
but we are genuinely happy.

sunnywithadashofgin Sun 12-Nov-17 12:47:26

I have about 5 good friends and I do find striking the balance hard. Especially when making new friends and acquaintances. I think it is important not to isolate yourself but by contrast, I know a woman who has tonnes of friends. She is constantly out, spreads herself very thin. Her marriage is suffering, she barely spends time with her kids at the weekends and she breaks down every so often trying to keep on top of it all. I do think it is so difficult to manage it as an adult and somethings has to give.

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders Sun 12-Nov-17 12:47:34

You sound very similar to me Atlantic. Hopefully we’ll be in that place in 10 year time too!

I sort of assume that I will make mum friends when DC come along, and that we’ll meet some neighbours when we move into our new house, and I might join the local running club. Just feel like I’m in the slightly weird place currently where all of my school/uni friends have all dispersed all over the place and it’s hard to keep track of people!

AtlanticWaves Sun 12-Nov-17 12:54:30

I thought i would make mum friends. I didn't. Partly because i went back to work and partly because there isn't the culture of playgroups and soft play in this country.

I've made mum acquaintances at school and often there'll be someone to chat to in the park but no one we want to go out with. It's nice chatting to the mum's of DS's friends but I wouldn't go for a drink with them.

I have enough friends at work to not ever eat lunch alone but again, I don't tend to see them outside of work.

However I do know that I could call on one of the mum's from school in an emergency. If it happened at the weekend I might have to try several of them because loads of people go away at the weekend here.

Intercom Sun 12-Nov-17 13:12:55

If you're happy then I don't see the problem.

DontTouchTheMoustache Sun 12-Nov-17 13:16:23

I'm a single mum so i make a lot of time to see my friends as they are my only real lifeline. Its different when you have a partner at home as you dont need to make an effort. You can have lots of good quality friendships, i have probably 5 or 6 friends that i see very regularly and other friends i see less often but i have to put the work in.

deepestdarkestperu Sun 12-Nov-17 13:28:55

I'm similar. I get on with my colleagues and I have a few friends from my hometown that I'm still in touch with, but generally I don't have the time/energy to have lots of friends.

I'm perfectly content to spend time on my own - I enjoy my own company and if I want to socialise, I can always arrange something with my work colleagues. I think so long as you have one or two friends you can rely on, you're fine.

BasinHaircut Sun 12-Nov-17 13:29:24

I think you are fine as long as you aren’t purposefully cutting people off.

I have old friends that I see a maximum of 2 times per year but I make the effort to do that as we go back a long way and at some point in our lives when we are less busy with young families etc we might get to spend more time together.

Equally my uni friends and I (spread out over the country) visit each other or meet up maybe a few times a year and regularly email but we don’t live in each other’s pockets. This is about as much time as we can spare each other so some would say why bother?

My local friends are the ones I spend most of my free time with.

I’m an introvert and so I don’t feel the need to be sociable all the time, but I wouldn’t give up on my Existing friends because I don’t have time for them or don’t feel like I really need them at this point in my life.

BackforGood Sun 12-Nov-17 13:46:38

I don't think it is hard to have friends as an adult - especially as you don't have children. When you have dc, then your time is curtailed, and the friendship change, but still exist.
However, some people are happy with a couple of close friends, others like to have lots of friends. Doesn't mean either one is right or wrong, it is surely whatever you feel comfortable with.

factory999 Sun 12-Nov-17 13:47:43

If you’re happy with it then it’s not weird- you do what works for you.

I couldn’t live without a strong network of different friends, nor could I have the sort of relationship where DP and I are living in one another’s pockets, but that’s what works for me. I wouldn’t judge anyone who lived differently.

ludothedog Sun 12-Nov-17 13:54:50

I'm similar to you OP. I just find that between work and DC there isn't much time for friends. I'm also an introvert so need time to myself at the weekend to re-charge my batteries.

As long as you are happy and not isolating yourself you are fine. I think it gets easier to meet friends too as your kids get older and start doing activities/going to school/birthday parties etc

FindoGask Sun 12-Nov-17 13:58:15

well if you're "lonely and self-absorbed", so am I! I've got a handful of older friends who I see maybe once or twice a year, a couple of friends locally who I've mostly met through work, one other friend I've met through children who isn't local but I see maybe 4-5 times a year with our families.

I wouldn't say it's hard to have lots of friends, as other people seem to manage it pretty well, but it's not for me. I have two children, a partner, an extended family all with their own things going on - I have limited emotional energy for other relationships on top of that.

bootygirl Sun 12-Nov-17 13:59:36

I have 3 friends that live locally and one that I need to keep up a bit more with lives 2-3hrs away.
I have an interest that is social and I know people there. I have friends from church but don't meet up outside of these events.

I am an extravert but you need time and money to socialise a lot.. plus how do people make miso many friends? Genuine Q....

SergeantFredColon Sun 12-Nov-17 14:01:15

I have lots of friends but I make a lot of effort to keep in touch. I know lots of people who can’t be bothered and then are surprised that they don’t see people often (not saying that’s you OP). I also hang out with my partner and my friends at the same time so see both often.

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders Sun 12-Nov-17 14:04:56

I agree that it’s probably more about making the effort.

I spend 40+ hours of my week caring for people and pouring my emotional energy into work (plus the rest of the time that I am worrying about work!) and I guess in between times I do lack a bit of the emotional energy required to maintain lots of friendships.

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