To ask you...

[cheerupmaggie]

If you’re with ‘The one’, how do you know?

[RoryItsSnowing]

I think one of the main ways you know is not needing to ask this question.

[RoryItsSnowing]

Didn't mean that to sound as harsh as it maybe came across!

[RibenaMonsoon]

Agree with Rory. With DH I found that I never had to ask myself that question. I just knew.

[GinIsIn]

If you need to ask, you aren't.

[Whatsername17]

I don't believe in ' the one'. I think you need to look at you relationship and ask yourself are you content, fulfilled, stimulated and happy most of the time and go from there. In every relationship there are frustrations and moments of boredom and it can cause you to wonder about whether or not you could do better. But it is normal to go through ups and downs and you have to decide if the ups make it worth working through the downs. 'The one' is a Hollywood fantasy.

[Triskaidekaphilia]

I don't believe in 'The one' as such, I am with the one I love and there's no-one else I want to be with and that's good enough for me.

[FaFoutis]

No such thing.

[IAmTheDragon]

Yeah I'm with the others. There is no question here - never has been. I've just always known I'll be spending my life with him.

[IAmTheDragon]

^ That is not to say he is the only 'the one'. I believe that I could have equally good relationships with other men if I went looking. He's just 'the one' I found first and we both work hard to keep feeling this way.

I suppose its his commitment to working hard for our relationship that makes me so certain we can have a damn good shot at it.

[Mountainpika]

He asked me out for a drink the first day we met. We knew within a few meetings. Just felt right. Comfortable together. He proposed 3 weeks after we met. We've been married 43 years.

[SaucyJack]

When you're out in a busy pub or at a party with a big group of mates, and you look at your DP..... and you just think "Yep! That's the one for me."

[ghostyslovesheets]

Yes I am - I am resolutely single and happy- I am my own 'one' 😋

[Eolian]

I don't think there is any such thing as 'the one'. There are lots and lots of potential 'the ones'. And some may be 'the one' at the time, but people and lives change. I actually think that the whole idea of there being 'the one' encourages people to have unrealistic and unhealthy attitudes to relationships! Sorry - not very romantic . (Oh and I'm very happily married btw, so that's not coming from a place of bitterness and loneliness!).

[cheerupmaggie]

What do you do when you’ve been with someone for 10 years and then you realise that they don’t actually make you happy? If leaving was an option I’d do it but I’m afraid that if I end things I will regret it.

[PolkaDottyRose]

Because they are your favourite person in the whole world, and the one (children apart) person you want to spend all your time with, and even then, it's not enough time and never could be.

[MiddleClassProblem]

Do you think it’s a temporary reason they don’t make you happy or just how it is? If it’s the latter then is it that they make you happy or they don’t give you a spark?

[cheerupmaggie]

@Euphemia I’d worry that after a while I would miss him and want him back. I’m worried that if I leave I won’t be any happier but instead would just be lonely. I have 1 DC from a previous relationship and 1 with my partner now. He treats my first child less favourably than his own. We’ve discussed it before and he changed for a bit but it’s back to the way it was before now. I worry that it will damage my eldest. He is always negative and moody and he is beginning to bring me down with him. He strops if I don’t want sex (which I’ll admit is most of the time). It’s just tedious being around him. He very much ‘rules the roost’ and we have do everything his way. Saying that when we are together just me and him we can have a nice time but I feel like we don’t work as a family unit. I know I would miss him but when I really think about things ultimately I’m just not happy.

[SaucyJack]

He's definitely not the one mate. He's not even the 100,000,000,000.

Ditch him for your first child's sake- if not yours- pronto.

[MiddleClassProblem]

I’m not a Ltb kinda poster but I think this is a ltb situation.

You deserve to find your equal.

[Myheartbelongsto]

Oh god IP, get out

[SonicBoomBoom]

This has nothing to do with him being or not being The One.

You can't sit by watching your eldest child be damaged by their step-father.

[Mrsjohnmurphy]

I agree with polka, also someone else who said it on here as a definition of romantic love. You just want to spend all of your time with them. I had a long term relationship without ever feeling "in love" but loved them in a way. The relationship after that I was in love and just adored spending time with them, they only irritated me when we were apart (frigging rubbish at texting and obtuse as hell) hah

[Mrsjohnmurphy]

I never regretted leaving the one I didn't feel in love with, never even slightly tempted to get back together, you say it's tedious being around them......leave seriously. For the all the boyfriend afters faults (there were a few) I never felt that irritation, there is better for you out there, being contentedly alone is a million times better.

[VladmirsPoutine]

This took a turn. The issue here isn't about 'The One' it really isn't. Leave him and focus on your dc. You really don't want your eldest growing up in feeling like a 2nd class citizen in their own home - that way enormous resentment will grow and you will all suffer the fall out.
Time to get yourself and dc out of this.