DH behaviour and holiday

[Freddofrog1983]

I am going on holiday tomorrow to Yorkshire and I have packed everything for myself and 3 children and washed and dried my husband’s clothes ready for him to pack. I have also packed all of the extras such as food etc. My husband was in a mood last night and again this morning and come home like it.

I have had enough he has spent 3 hours cleaning his car but he has stormed out 3 times in a mood and I just don’t want to go. He is currently out now while I’m trying to sort the kids out and sort out any last minute bits. He stormed out this time because he cane in moaning that the kids were not in their pjs and said he was the only one who does anything. I saw red and said who do you think has sorted everything out? He only had to put it in the car.

I’m fed up of living with his mood swings and walking on egg shells around his moods. I keep questioning what I have done wrong but I haven’t done anything. I was so looking forward to going and not feel so despondent. When I went to pick the children up from school I asked him to put the clothes in the drier from the washing machine and when I got back he had put them into a washing basket but not into the drier so I sorted mine and the children’s clothes out and have left his in the basket as his reason was he forgot and he was looking after the toddler. He thinks he can talk to me how he likes. He told me to fuck off when he went out before as he closed the door, now I’m sat here not knowing what’s going on.

[WhoWants2Know]

That sounds awful. I don't think I'd be able to relax on holiday with someone who spoke to me like that

[Wolfiefan]

That sounds awful. Ask him what is up. If he doesn't calm down then I wouldn't be going.

[Freddofrog1983]

I was so looking forward to it. When he says he’s the only one that does anything it makes me feel that he doesn’t acknowledge what I do. Nothing would have been packed or washed without me doing it.

[user1471449805]

Why are you with him?

[Freddofrog1983]

I asked him what was up and for last nights mood was that I disappeared upstairs because my toddler woke up as he was full of cold and it took ages to go back to sleep. Not sure whether to believe it or not as it sounds so ridiculous.

[HarleyQuinnHair]

What an arsehole

[slapmyarseandcallmemary]

I’d tell him to go on his own.

[Fishface77]

Tell him to piss off permanently and go on your own with the kids.

[Freddofrog1983]

I ask myself that sometimes user, it sounds a cliche but he can be really nice and that’s the confusing part as it’s like living with two different people. He always talks to himself and it’s full of anger as if he’s reliving a situation where he wished he had spoken out so he does it at home. I know that’s probably not making much sense as I haven’t phrased it well.

[mishfish]

@Freddofrog1983 my dad does that- constantly muttering to himself about situations. Is he generally very non confrontational with other people?

[gamerchick]

Does he want to go even? Sounds like he’s trying to pick a fight so he doesn’t have to.

[Freddofrog1983]

Mishfish, yes he is non confrontational with other people and I think people at work put on him as he appears nice and helpful but then something will happen in the day where someone has done something or said something and he is in a mood at home and does all this angry muttering, like having an argument with an invisible person is the only way I can explain it.

[AnyFucker]

How would this be a "holiday"?

Spending time with dickheads seems like torture to me.

Either go by yourself with kids or sack it off and use the time to make pratical arrangements to end the relationship

Living like this is shit

[mishfish]

My dad is exactly the same and it creates such an atmosphere in my parents house

I wouldn’t want to go and would be telling him that unless he sorts out his mood and his attitude towards me then he can go alone

[bastardkitty]

Shit leave him at home and have a lovely time with your kids. Will be better without him and is probably what the asshole is angling for anyway.

[Sunnyjac]

He can’t take his work frustrations out on you. Time he became assertive and stood up for himself with the people he actually has an issue with. Could you talk to him about it next time he’s in a good mood?

[MissConductUS]

he is in a mood at home and does all this angry muttering, like having an argument with an invisible person is the only way I can explain it.

There's a term in psychology for this called an imagined interaction.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imagined_interaction

People have them for lots of different reasons. In his case it sound like it's to relieve anxiety or to compensate for not having had the conversation he should have had. It you read the wiki it should be clearer.

What it does point to is that he might benefit from talking to a counselor or psychologist about better coping skills when those situations arise at work.

I'm sorry you're having to cope with all of this.

[Freddofrog1983]

Mishfish, is your dad also non confrontational around other people? I tell him to talk to other people the same way he talks to me but he wouldn’t dare. I’m just sitting here not knowing what to do. The kids were looking forward to it and now a horrible atmosphere. He’s not been in the house properly since 3.00 and I don’t everything will be ready as can’t find wellies and kids need to go to bed as getting tired.

[Freddofrog1983]

Thanks for that link misconduct, I will have a look at that. I have spoken to him going to speak to someone and he goes between accepting he needs to go to saying he’s not going. I think speaking to a councillor would benefit him.

[LittleBirdBlues]

Are the DC his or yours?

I'm asking because you refer to your toddler above as "my toddler". If they are his kids too, then the way you phrased it reveals a lot about the role division in your house. In which case the problem you have here is bigger than the holiday. But it sounds like you already know that.

[caffelatte100]

Oh my, and a holiday is something that's meant to be enjoyed and enriching for relationships.

I would tell him to stay at home and take the kids alone. Time to stand up and let him take more responsibility for his actions.
He sounds moody and a bit of an arse. Sorry! Agree w pp who says perhaps he is angling for this. but if so, why?

[Gatehouse77]

My DH was like this and (although we didn't see it coming) it was the beginning of a downward spiral of depression.

I'm not suggesting that it's the same for you but maybe worth considering?

[Freddofrog1983]

The children are both of ours. I’m a SAHM but do feel like a single parent at times. He’s now been out for over an hour.

[washingmachinefastwash]

Go on your own with the kids.

[MissConductUS]

I have spoken to him going to speak to someone and he goes between accepting he needs to go to saying he’s not going.

Sharing what you've found out about imagined interactions might actually help him feel less odd about it because it's a real, documented phenomena in psychology. I work in healthcare and I've found that when people discover that they have a real, identifiable disease or condition and that they're not just feeling poorly it gives them hope that it can be made better.