To think 'oh how life decisions have changed'

[ShiftyLookingBadger]

Before kids: "What lovely, classy outfit shall I wear today?"

After kids: "I was vomited on half an hour ago but it's dried clear, shall I just not bother getting changed?"

[SpongeBobJudgeyPants]

It's a while ago now, but I remember my ambition being to be a captain of industry or somesuch, and then it changed to 'I just want to go to the loo in peace!'

[minesapintofwine]

Before kids 'ah how lovely I've just hoovered the house for this week'.

Post kids 'is there any point me cleaning as it'll be a pigsty in 5 minutes'

[ShiftyLookingBadger]

Before kids: "What nice snelling shampoo should I use?"

After kids: "Should I sacrifice hair washing time to hide in the bathroom and read this trashy Facebook article in peace for 5 minutes?"

[ShiftyLookingBadger]

*smelling!

[iseenodust]

Before kids : Might have a sleep in tomorrow.
After kids: I'm going to bed before 10pm in the hope of uninterrupted sleep.

[Fishface77]

Before kids: sex every night
After kids: sex never again

[tinypop4]

Before kids: what fun, swanky bar shall I go to on a Friday night after work to party the night away?
After kids: It's Friday night, shall I try and get a super early night at 8.30 so I can get up at 6am without being too tired, or shall I push the boat out till 9.30 and watch Have I Got News For You?

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Before kids: let's chat over coffee for ages at work, networking is so important, I'll stay late to finish that big report. I've been mulling the best way to present it, over a glass of wine in the evenings for a while.

After kids: end conversation quickly, irritated at being interrupted, necking coffee quickly thinking fucksake I've got to finish that report by 4pm if I am to pick up the kids on time, I've barely had a moment to think about how to write it, I hope this coffee stops me feeling so tired. Shit I've spilled it on myself, dab hurriedly with a bit of tissue and ignore, no time for anything else.

[clarabellski]

Before kids: Yay! Clocks go back next weekend

After kids: Fuck! Clocks go back next weekend

[Orrery]

Before kids: 'Can't wait to apply for that brilliant new job/try new hobby/go on the next adventure holiday etc'

After kids: 'I'm so fucking tired, someone else will have to fucking save the planet/do a charity marathon/make goddam dinner'

[Sugarcoma]

Before kids: Mmmm, I love snuggling up in my warm, comfy bed with a duvet up to my neck
After kids: shivering to death with duvet around my ankles in case it accidentally goes over the baby lying next to me

[Belle1939]

Smunts

[Butterymuffin]

Pre kids Saturday night: drinking, dancing, curry out and early hours taxi home

Post kids Sat night: Strictly, takeaway menu, fall asleep over wine by 10

[Chattycat78]

Loving this. It's my life right now.

Before kids: what clothes can I donate to charity that I haven't worn for ages?

After: what clothes can I dig out to wear that are 10 years old because i have nothing else to wear and don't get any free time to go clothes shopping?

[placemark123]

ALLLLLL OF THESE!!!!! You are all clearly INSIDE MY BRAIN!!!

[TipTapWentTheCrab]

Heh heh.
Before kids: oh dear, my socks don't look good with the shoes I was about to put on, I had better change them.
After kids: I have socks AND shoes, go me!!

[HappySpade]

Post kids: my hair will cover their snot stains on my shoulder, right?

[TipTapWentTheCrab]

Sugarcoma Yes! - I spent sooooo many nights shivering with cold round a baby. Then I bought a big thick nursing hoodie to wear at night and was finally warm enough!
One of these: www.izzysmum.co.uk/p/0219-5484/b-warmer-nursing-hoodie/

[happy321123]

Before - I’ll straighten my hair before work
After -it’s been over a week, I could probably get another day out of my hair before I wash it. And the fringe was deemed too high maintenance too

[Rainallday]

@sugarcoma this is me- we just got a lovely new superking bed and I'm there shivering in the middle while dh on one side stretches out under a huge snuggly duvet and dd on the other in her growbag shows off her starfish impression.

[Outnotdown]

Before kids: god, I wish my colleague would stop telling me about their kids

After kids: I really don't want to be boring but I have NOTHING else to talk about, I come from them to work, and back to them again

[Outnotdown]

Before kids: I'm soooo exhausted, the bin men woke me up at 6am

After kids: I got three full hours of uninterrupted sleep last night, hurraaaay!

[Tealdeal747]

Before: is the holiday hotel near the bars

After: does the hotel have a pool with slides

Before: live in a flat, no garden, no mowing

After: live in a house with a garden to keep the mess out the house

Before Breakfast on Sunday: fry up/eggs benedict, maybe out

After Breakfast on Sunday: cornflakes

Before: phoning friends

After: MN

[Snoopyokay]

Before: cook something nice for dinner from stratch after work

After: Fall asleep and have cheerios for dinner.

[ShoesHaveSouls]

I rather liked the Michael MacIntyre 'people who don't have kids' -

"Oh look darling, a new Carluccios has just opened - we could go there. We could go there any night