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(55 Posts)
Jakethekid Wed 11-Oct-17 09:40:19

How would you react if you found your partner had a fleshlight? Is it "just natural"? You found one 5 years ago he got rid of it but now you find another. He lies and says it's something else untill Google proves you right.

Personaly I see no difference between that and a prostitute if yiu base it on the fact that they don't want a relationship with either.


ItWentInMyEye Wed 11-Oct-17 09:42:46

I personally wouldn't think it's that big a deal, lots of women have sex toys so for a man to have one wouldn't bother me. The lying is a different issue maybe.

Cornettoninja Wed 11-Oct-17 09:42:57


It's just a sex toy - not much different to a vibrator really. I don't like them because they look unhygienic but then I have no cause to use one....

Comparing it to a prostitute is bonkers.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves Wed 11-Oct-17 09:43:19

Personaly I see no difference between that and a prostitute if yiu base it on the fact that they don't want a relationship with either.

Is that part a joke?

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin Wed 11-Oct-17 09:44:02

Well jake if you cant tell the difference, I suggest you get back to the wanksock grin

TheDodgyEnd Wed 11-Oct-17 09:44:05

I’d be more concerned about the lying!!!

ThePeanutGallery Wed 11-Oct-17 09:44:17

I'd probably laugh....I wouldn't compare it to a prostitute, because that would be bonkers....

Maudlinmaud Wed 11-Oct-17 09:45:22

I would rip the piss. That's what I would do.

Redglitter Wed 11-Oct-17 09:45:50

Personaly I see no difference between that and a prostitute

Oh don't be ridiculous. It's nothing like using a prostitute. It's the same as a female using a vibrator - Do you class tgat the same as using a prostitute too??

gamerwidow Wed 11-Oct-17 09:48:14

I’d find it a bit gross because knowing my DH I wouldn’t trust it to be properly cleaned but nothing wrong with them in principle. It’s the same as a woman having a vibrator.
As long as masturbating isn’t replacing sex it’s normal.

Jakethekid Wed 11-Oct-17 09:50:10

I know it sounds stupid and over the top. But when suffering from pnd and every day is a struggle it's upsetting for sex to be used against you. I make alot of effort to try and hold a relationship together and it's just thrown in my face. Does anyone get blamed for the lack of sex when it's not all their own fault. Surely it takes both of us to make an effort. When you make all the effort and the other person still goes out their way to do these things it's upsetting. All I want is for him to come to me but instead he's doing this elsewhere. I'm not trying to be over the top. It just seems like it's another thing related to sex thats used against me.

After having a baby and suffering pnd how did everyone go back to having a sexual relationship again? I don't know what to do and I know people are going to make comenta but I just want my relationship back. sad

HappyLabrador Wed 11-Oct-17 09:51:16

It's just a wanking aid though isn't it? No different to a woman owning a Rampant Rabbit.

Maybe he lies about it because he knows you're weird about him having one.

Your thinking it's comparable to a prostitute is ridiculous.

WWID? Ask him if I can watch? Help him with it?

AnUtterIdiot Wed 11-Oct-17 09:52:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shoxfordian Wed 11-Oct-17 09:52:56

It's just a sex toy; definitely not the same as a prostitute!

Jakethekid Wed 11-Oct-17 09:53:04

I have noone to talk to about these things and feeling like I can't cope most of the time. I know I obviously need to get help for the pnd. I just feel like every step I make towards being happier something happens and im just back to square one. I know I will get alot of people thinking I'm bonkers and stupid but at the moment I just feel out of my depth

FakePlasticTeaLeaves Wed 11-Oct-17 09:54:58

I don't think this was a purposeful attempt to hurt you though? Didn't he hide that he was using it and you found it?

AnUtterIdiot Wed 11-Oct-17 09:55:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerwidow Wed 11-Oct-17 09:55:05

This isn’t really about the fleshlight then is it. Its about your DH sorting himself out rather than trying to help you through your PND and trying to reconnect with you physically. In this instance you are right to be upset.

justanothermomentintime Wed 11-Oct-17 09:56:10

OP I don't think the issue is the fleshlight.

From the drip feed in your posts it sounds like the issue runs deeper than a vagina torch.

And FWIW it is not the same as a prostitute

HappyLabrador Wed 11-Oct-17 09:56:28

X posted with you OP. Sorry you're feeling this way.

Could you ask him to sit down with you and talk to him and explain how you're feeling atm? flowers

Shoxfordian Wed 11-Oct-17 09:56:32

Have you and your partner considered sex therapy or relationship counselling? I think that could help and you should seek help for your pnd as well.

Sounds like a difficult time but using fleshlights isn't in itself a betrayal of you

ThePeanutGallery Wed 11-Oct-17 09:57:32

Does he know you want to reconnect physically? If you haven't brought this up, maybe he thinks having a wank and leaving you alone is helping your PND? I certainly don't want sex when I'm depressed.

KarateKitten Wed 11-Oct-17 09:58:21

Aw OP. It's shocked and upset you so YANBU. I think you know it's nothing like a prostitute are a bit overwhelmed and angry about it.

Are you getting help for your PND?

Is your partner good to you in general? You say you're blamed for lack of sex, is he abusive or just tentatively broaching the topic and it sounds like blame?

It's difficult navigating post baby sex but as long as he is not treating you badly you need to communicate and he maybe needs help to understand both your PND and the impact of everything on your sex drive. It is temporary as long as you both don't stay silent and make it all into something bigger than it is.

Crispsheets Wed 11-Oct-17 09:59:16

I'm laughing at the user name of the person who made the ridiculous prostitute comment 😀

Mandraki Wed 11-Oct-17 09:59:26

Defo not the same as using a prostitute but I would feel weird about it. And if you feel weird about it that’s ok, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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