My feed
Premium
Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To ask if you felt you couldn't love two children

62 replies

ItsTrueIsntIt · 05/10/2017 21:27

Sorry if this is too vague...

I have 1 Dc who is 3 (there would be at least 4.5 year age gap!!) and we are thinking of number 2 and I’m in two minds about having a second as I cant think how I could love a second the same as my dc!

My grandma had 2 and favoured the eldest and my mum had 2 and favoured the youngest and I do not want to make any child feel like they’re second best!

I don’t know how to do it!

Please someone tell me if they really strongly felt like this and if it was ok when second came along!

OP posts:
Report
casio123 · 05/10/2017 21:28

Maybe get a dog first

Report
PickleSarnie · 05/10/2017 21:29

I'm sure everyone feels that.

But love isn't finite. You'll have plenty to go around.

Report
ItsTrueIsntIt · 05/10/2017 21:29

We have a dog and 2 fish 😂

OP posts:
Report
BelleandBeast · 05/10/2017 21:30

Everybody I know felt like this....the love you have expands for two.

It's bloody marvellous. Smile Do it.

Report
Aquamarine1029 · 05/10/2017 21:31

I totally felt this way when I was pregnant with my second child. I couldn't fathom how I could possibly love another child as much as my first. But I certainly do, and since the second she was born, I never had that thought again.

Report
AnneLovesGilbert · 05/10/2017 21:31

My DM worried about this when she was pregnant with my brother. Her friend told her your heart gets bigger and love isn't finite. My brother was a nightmare after me being a very easy baby. But they loved him just as much as me, and went on to have two more children. All 4 of us are close and loved equally by our parents.

Report
Rockandrollwithit · 05/10/2017 21:31

I have two DSs, aged 3 and one month. It sounds really cheesy but somehow your heart just grows bigger so that you have enough love for both of them.

For me so far, the bigger issue has been guilt over spending less time with DS1.

Report
SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 05/10/2017 21:31

Each child is an individual. You love them for the person they are.

Report
SandunesAndRainclouds · 05/10/2017 21:32

I had a huge panic while pregnant with DD2 that I couldn't love another child. I'd been told that I was infertile, DD1 was a natural conception and I was head over heels in love and besotted with her - I didn't know if there was enough. I loved her before she was born.

DD2 was born a little early which took me by surprise. I hadn't had much maternity leave and with working FT with a toddler so the pregnancy passed by in a flash. I felt myself falling in love with her over the first three days and it was a wonderful feeling.

I have 4 DDs now and there's plenty of love for them all.

Report
ItsTrueIsntIt · 05/10/2017 21:33

The worries I had were because both my grandma and Mum had favourites (they didn’t actively try to show it but it still did show)

And we had the dog before DC came along and I adored the dog before but now I just don’t feel anywhere near as much for her as I did - I know she’s a dog and it’s NOT the same but that’s just something that worried me.

OP posts:
Report
Stressalot42 · 05/10/2017 21:33

You’re love does not halve, it doubles! I had your doubts and I felt instantly as much love for number two as I had number one!

Do it, enjoy it, love it!

X

Report
KC225 · 05/10/2017 21:34

Mother of twins here, there is always enough love

Report
highinthesky · 05/10/2017 21:36

Feelings take no notice of logic. You’ll love the second just as much as your first-born, but without the traum of learning on the way.

Report
zippyswife · 05/10/2017 21:37

Do it! I felt the same and I love the 3 dcs equally!

Report
Captainj1 · 05/10/2017 21:38

Agree with all of the above. I have a 4.5 yr age gap between my two and it is great - had the preschool years to focus on firstborn and then as he started school, DD arrived, so didn’t have to feel too guilty about not having as much time for the elder one as he was at school anyway.

Report
SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 05/10/2017 21:39

I completely understand this feeling.

Especially as my own mother made no attempt to hide the fact that she had a favourite child (she had 4).

However, we ended up having 3 & I can absolutely confirm that you will love each & every one utterly & completely. All three of mine are incredibly different individuals and are all fabulous.

It’s a very normal worry, but not something you should worry about IYSWIM.

Report
missiondecision · 05/10/2017 21:39

I have 5 and honestly, honestly do not, never have had a favorite.

Report
lurkingnotlurking · 05/10/2017 21:39

You will love them both completely. You do not have to worry about this.

Report
FoxyinherRoxy · 05/10/2017 21:40

Another mum of four, all are loved equally. I do have a different relationship with each of them, because they are individuals. To them it might appear better or worse, but that’s a lot to do with where they’re at at that very point in time (ie DS2 is 14 and doesn’t ‘need’ me much at the moment, DS1 is 16 and has different emotional needs as he goes out into the world more etc etc) sometimes I get accused of favouritism because I haven’t caught up with who needs what emotionally. It’s a sign that they need more at that point IYSWIM.

But they are each loved beyond imaginable limits. And they know it.

Report
MattAffleck · 05/10/2017 21:41

Yes. I worried when I was pregnant with DC2 that I’d never possibly have as much love for them as I did PFB. I now have two PFBs. Love grows

Report
crisscrosscranky · 05/10/2017 21:41

My brother is a little shit challenge and I always thought that my mum and dad probably loved me a bit more.

It took me having my DD2 to realise that you really do love your children equally despite their differences,age gaps or anything else.

I still think my mum LIKES me more

Report
MummyPenguin2 · 05/10/2017 21:42

As my mum says, the baby brings love. If you love your first, you will love a second. Off course you can't imagine that because you don't know baby number 2 yet. I have a 3 year old and a baby and I love them both with all my heart

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

IAmNotAWitch · 05/10/2017 21:43

I felt that way and then DS2 was born and I loved him just the same.

My favourite changes from day to day. Currently it is my good friends son who complemented my cooking on the weekend. Occasionally it is the cat.

Report
TwitterQueen1 · 05/10/2017 21:43

As others have said, love is not limited. Your heart and love expand to accordingly. Love is limitless. In fact I believe it expands you as a person too because you discover new depths, new ways to love people, new characteristics, a new personality. Don't fear love OP.

Report
dubmumof2 · 05/10/2017 21:44

I spent my second pregnancy hopelessly worried about what I was doing to my pfb by having another baby...how could I ever have enough time for him and a new baby, I would never be able to give either him or the baby the time I gave him, wasn't I having another baby at the worst possible time....? Even then I knew on some level I was being silly but couldn't help the feelings which I found almost overwhelming.

Of course, DD arrived and somehow I managed to find time for both of them and DS barely noticed the new arrival Wink Shock

None of us would send her back (most of the time Wink) Do it - you will never regret it!

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.