I hate my colleague

[Neoflex]

Just wanted a rant really. He has just returned from a months holiday and it was bliss while he was gone. Here are the list of things I have to put up with until someone please fires him:

He doesn't wash, but instead covers himself in a shitty cheap aftershave that even cockroaches run from. He walks in and within 5 minutes I am sat here struggling to breathe.
He comes in but rather than starting to work he uses the desk and as kitchen worktop and starts preparing breakfast. Splish, splash, splosh. Then ten minutes of loud chewing.
Breakast is finished off with his first sexist/racist/inappropriate joke of the day.
He can't answer or ask a question without sarcasm or mansplaining. He will stand over my desk, almost breathing down my neck, sometimes even taking my mouse to "show me how to do something". 99.9% of the time he is wrong.
If it gets warm he might even take off his shoes. His feet stink worse than his body odour.
He doesn't do his job but then will do tasks nobody asked him or wants him to do. Like while he was gone I noticed he had renamed a folder from "Archive" to "Ignore". Just because he thinks that's a better name for it. So a sea of people were coming in to ask where the Archive had gone.
I have to wear headphones the whole day just so he won't try to involve me in his two hour long debate about what's on the news. Insert controversial topic: Catalonia/US shootings/North Korea/Transgender rights. He will take the opposite view to everyone else just to cause drama in the office.
He will leave half an hour earlier than everyone else, despite having arrived late, spent 1 hour making various snacks, done no work, and distracted everyone else.

Please agree with me, it can't get worse than this.

[CoughLaughFart]

Have you raised this with your manager?

[MrsOverTheRoad]

Why are you putting up with this? Write down an official complaint and put it in.

[Poshindevon]

The very same question as ,
coughlaughfart came to mind.
How does he get away with coming in late going home early, making breakfast etc

[echt]

Focus on the stuff that's impeding your work, e.g. the "Ignore" folder, incessant talking.

You mention his timekeeping; he leaves half an hour earlier than others, but is that still the right number of hours? If everyone held is doing unpaid overtime, then that's their problem.

Tell your manager about the feet and breakfasting at work.

[Neoflex]

I made a serious complaint after he outed me in front of a group of people in the office for being pregnant. I had only just found out myself and hadn't told anyone myself yet. I ended up taking that one to an external ombudsman and making an official complaint. He got a warning.
I keep raising these issues. Obviously the issues like "he smells" and "he lives milk splatters and coco pops all over the office" could be seen as petty. So I just stick to the really specific work stuff. Like he overrode all the reference letter templates with phrases he preferred. The exact sentences had been signed off by Legal and I told him that. But he's far too intelligent to ever listen to me. I hope stuff like this will be the end of him.
Keep forwarding stuff like this to my manager and just pray that when it comes to renewing his contract next year she sends him packing. But she won't actively go out her way to fire him because it will reflect badly on her for hiring him in the first place.
I don't think I am the only one who has complained.

[CoughLaughFart]

Your manager isn't doing herself any favours. The wrong hire is a mistake many managers have made; letting him take the piss to cover up that mistake is actively negligent.

[blackteasplease]

I think you need to keep complaining. Sounds like manager wants to take the path of least resistance so I would make sure that keeping him on is not said path.

I'm not sure that putting breakfast everywhere is that petty if it's interfering with work.

Also, can you be more assertive with him?
As in "please don't take my mouse again", "no, that is the wrong way of doing it", "please stop talking now, you are distracting me from my work".

[Neoflex]

I've definitely lost a lot of respect for my manager in all of this.

I spent the first 6 months trying to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Was all smiles, asking politely, explaining (thinking maybe he just didn't understand certain things).

Well since the whole pregnancy drama my approach has taken a full swing in the other direction and it does work.

However, how firm can I be about telling him to get a *ing wash when he goes home. And to change his socks once a day. Currently sat here with the window wide open, making the hard choice between having frozen nipples or being able to breathe.

[EBearhug]

Obviously the issues like "he smells" and "he lives milk splatters and coco pops all over the office" could be seen as petty.

Coco pops maybe, but it's certainly not unknown for managers to have to have a chat with a member of staff about the importance of personal hygiene, daily showers and washIng shirts more frequently.

[Nanny0gg]

if your manager is ignoring the problem, can you go to her manager or HR?

[highinthesky]

Working with someone that smells offensive day in, day out would make me miserable.

Explain the situation to your manager once more and then turn it into a formal complaint, focusing on you being unable to work efficiently with such constant distraction. But make sure you’re Dulux Brilliant White before you do so.

[Ceto]

You clearly need to go above your manager's head. There is no reason why you should be required to work under these conditions.

[cheapskatemum]

I'm not surprised that you have lost faith with your manager. She is getting paid to manage him and she isn't doing it - you are! I think you are doing a really good job given the circumstances you are working under!

[jay55]

Any chance you can move desks? You’ve had a complaint against him upheld, it’s somewhat unreasonable to keep the pair of you in close proximity after that.

[cherryontopp]

You have a right to report hygiene issues. I would put in another complaint to your manager about everything.

If she still does nothing, i would go over her head and complain about the smelly bastard

[pantrylightout]

I can sympathise with your problem. We had a carer check on mother twice a day and she absolutely stunk of smoke and B.O. Not wanting to upset the woman my mother (83) didn't say anything for a long time. Eventually, she couldn't stand it any longer so I rang the employers and had a discrete word (Mother put up with it because she was afraid that if we complained the woman would be nasty to her). I was told that someone would have a word with her. Nothing changed until I went into the office and asked to speak to the manager and told her that the woman was unhygienic, had B.O. and stunk to high heaven and because of that we needed someone else to call on mother. The manager sat and stared at me for so long that I wondered if she had had some sort of stroke. Then she said nothing could be done because she had made up the rotas. With this, I threatened to take the money elsewhere. The next day mother had a very nice lady visiting her. My point is that if people have so little consideration for others that they inflict body odour on others they should not be surprised when they receive complaints. Everybody can have a bad day but when body odour builds up it can be unbearable especially when sat in a small office all day.

[Spadequeen]

Bad odour is not petty and is one of the things that you have to deal with as manager or hr. you need to let them know so that they can deal with it.

[DJBaggySmalls]

First thing I'd do is insist they move him or me.

[SoupDragon]

He sounds dreadful. The only thing you can do is complain to HR/your manager repeatedly.

As an aside, how did he know you were pregnant??

[Neoflex]

We have end of year evaluations and bonus talks coming up. When my boss has to sit with him one-on-one in an office with the door closed she might wake up and smell the "coffee".

What I don't understand is how someone can just ignore their own smell like this. He clearly knows he smells, otherwise he wouldn't be lathering himself in an entire can of cheap deodorant every morning. Don't people realise the problem would be so easily solved by a quick wash. He had a whole month of, surely he had time to jump in the shower?

[Neoflex]

Plus, my boss is a very proud woman. One day they are going to stand opposite each other with conflicting opinions. It's only a matter of time.

He won't be able to stand there and bite his tongue. It enrages him to be told what to do by a woman. I think one of these days he will rub someone too important up the wrong way.

[Goldenhandshake]

You need to go over yoiur managers head, to HR. The manager is not managing and that is a real problem.

Body odour is a legitimate complaint, if he consistently smells offensive, this is an ongoing issue and needs to be addressed.

[pantrylightout]

Sorry highjacked post a but there on my rant but meant to say that carer kept sitting right next to mother making her uncomfortable. A person should be able to stretch an arm's length of personal space unless invited to be closer (children etc).
On a lighter note years ago while working in a factory full of women there was one woman who really smelled bad, not wanting to hurt her feelings we decided to get some perfume and all try it so that she would put some on. After a few days, she came up to me and said "did you notice how everyone was spraying perfume"
"Yes, maybe they were trying to say something" I replied.
"Well they sprayed some on you first," she said..............

[Neoflex]

We share an office and I wasn't feeling too well in the first weeks. He made a comment to a room full of people that we could use the coppers jar to buy something for my new baby.

Obviously a few people had their suspicions. He was just testing the waters, wanted to see if he was right.
I could have just turned around and told him to shut up and denied it. But I was just so shocked I went to my manager.
A week later he announced in a meeting that I shouldn't take on responsibility for a project because I would be going on maternity leave at some point. That was when I escalated it to our ombudsman, who got the ball rolling with the warning.

[Neoflex]

pantrylightout maybe we can start a new thread: Support Group for those in close contact with the smelly