To think DH is turning into a "feeder"?

[StickySweatyArseCrack]

I don't know if I'm being paranoid or what.

4 months ago I joined a gym, absolutely love it and go most days. I was never overweight to start with (just flabby and a bit heavier than I wanted to be!) but in 4 months I've lost a stone in weight and am starting to look quite toned. I have "abs" coming through and have lost a number of inches from my body. I also look healthier and feel so much better. Whenever I mention it to DH he seems uninterested and says I was fine as I was.

As part of my health kick I stopped drinking (was bordering on being alcoholic drinking wine most evenings and getting drunk 3 nights a week at home). I'm still very tempted by it if it's in the house however so I don't buy it. DH however, without fail will suggest we get wine in for the weekend despite me asking him not to tempt me with it. He'll also routinely offer me beer. I cave to the wine but not the beer - so he's taken to buying wine in every weekend.

He also seems to be trying to get me to eat more. Frying everything, bringing me packets of crisps and suggesting takeaways every 5 minutes.

What has tipped my suspicion over the edge is that he's just made a beautiful empire chicken dish with spiced roasties. He called me in to get it and my plate was visibly (and very obviously!) piled up much more that anyone else's - including his own. I questioned him on it ("why have you given me so much more than everyone else?") and he ignored me and said he hadn't. There were over 6 roasties, a chicken leg and a chicken breast on mine. He had 4 roasties and chicken breast.

Whilst I was eating I said "I won't be able to eat all this but it is lovely, do you want some more on yours?". He didn't look at me but said "we'll just sort it out later"??? So when is eaten enough I said "that was lovely! What do you want me to do with this chicken and roasties that are left over?". He said "eat them!"

He knows my goals and why they're important to me. Is he just being thoughtless or is it more sinister?

[HoneyIshrunktheBiscuit]

Could he be worried about you losing too much?

[HelenaDove]

Hmmm I would just say no. But it may be easier for me. Ive lost 10 stone but DH does have things in the flat that i wont touch.Like Jaffa Cakes biscuits etc. He dosent really cook for me though He did offer me a choc eclair several weeks back but i just say no. Hes fine with it. Im teetotal though and have never been drunk so in this way its easier for me.

Well done OP i think you have done bloody well.

Does he get angry if you refuse any food?

[BigFatGoalie]

Sounds like he's sabotaging your weight loss. Is he heavy? Does he like how he looks?
Your new look has come with quite a dramatic life style change and perhaps he fears you'll pull away from him. Not sharing the same interests and pastimes, love of food and wine etc.
Maybe he is feeling insecure. I'd suggest sitting down with him and having a chat to see where he's at and how he's feeling.
Congrats on how disciplined you're being and how your body is changing! I used to lift weights quite seriously, but have a new DD and need to get back on it! Well done!

[PricklyBall]

While it's possible OP's DH is worried about excessive weight loss honey, I'm erring on the side of "yes" - bringing packets of crisps, suggesting takeaways, 6 roasties and two portions of chicken - that's not someone supporting you in eating healthily, but not overdoing the weight loss, that's someone trying to undermine your efforts to eat healthily.

People can be very strange about this. One male friend I have tries to "feed" me, constantly brings packets of biscuits round even when I've said I can't have them in the house. His ex wife had very disordered eating patterns, and I'm not sure whether she was like that partly because he was a feeder, or because of her unhealthy relationship with food (her parents basically kept her short of food and affection as a child), showering her with food became a way of showing her affection. Either way it was pretty messed up, and he's obviously now got this "this is how you relate to women" thing going.

[StickySweatyArseCrack]

Thanks for the positive comments :-) DH is not at all heavy, he weighed less than me 4 months ago! I was 11st. He was 10st 7lbs.

I'm now 10st and 5ft 10in. My goal is 9st 7lbs but my main aim is more muscle definition so I'm certainly not starving myself.

He's 10 years older than me which I suppose might cause him some paranoia?

[Butterymuffin]

Yeah, that sounds like weight loss sabotage. Just keep declining when you've had enough as you are doing.

[Winteriscomingneedmorewood]

Would also assume to think he would be worried you would be finding a new man to match your new image. ...

[HelenaDove]

Blimey Sweaty Your starting weight of 11 stone is my end weight. I got down to there from 21 stone. im 5 foot 5.

[PinkHeart5913]

Well done on your weight loss so far

With your dh you need your willpower & to just simply say No thanks.

Just eat what you want of a plate of food
If tempted by any "extras" he offers, clean your teeth or have a pack of mints handy. Any food or drink won't tats nice after that

I think his just being thoughtless tbh

[HelenaDove]

DH is 23 years older than me Hes 67 Im 44. i dont think its to do with age.

[Puffpaw]

Yes it sounds like he is sabotaging you.
More importantly what is empire chicken?

[Oly5]

I think you need to ask him about it before you end up in a huge row.
I don't think trees an throng wrong with him getting wine in for the weekend etc if he wants it, surely you're not going to ban it from the house.
To be honest, I'd be gutted if my partner gave up drinking altogether - I find it sociable!

[Passthecake30]

Do you look thin? A target of 9 and a half stone sounds on the low end of the scale for 5ft 10. I'm 6ft and I look really thin at 10stone, but may have a different body shape. If you do look thin, maybe he's worried (I dropped down to 9.5stone in my late teens and was force fed by my mum!)

[childmaintenanceserviceinquiry]

I think he is sabotaging your efforts. He needs pulling up on that. It is manipulative - if he has concerns he needs to raise them openly and honestly. Tell him underhand behaviour is the turn off whereas thoughtfulness and support is much much sexier!

[Bluetrews25]

He's worried about losing his drinking partner, too. Sounds like he is having too much.
That worries me as much as the feeding.

[wotabastard]

9 stone 7 and 5'10 sounds really thin, especially if you are wanting to embark on cage fighting! I think I'd want some bulk behind me for that lark. Is he worried you're getting obsessed and not in a healthy way?

[DistanceCall]

He's worried that other men will fancy you. He wants to keep you frumpy and safe.

[MrsJBaptiste]

OP I'm (sort of) in the same boat. I'm 5ft 10 and was just over 11 stone last year, I've since lost 1.5 stone and really toned up by low carbing and hammering the gym. I'm the fittest and slimmest I've been in a long time and feel great!

However OH, although tells me how slim I am, etc. definitely preferred me when I was heavier. It could be because I lost the weight quite quickly and it's come off my bum and boobs but I don't think it's anything more sinister than he just prefers the curvier look to how I am now which is much more athletic.

We still drink and have the odd takeaway but I love the gym and have got into weightlifting and definitely don't want to give that up! I compromise by not going on about not eating carbs and "being good" and going to the gym at times when it doesn't affect family life.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Definitely sabotage.

Probably worried that you will get more male attention and your head will be turned. A huge insult in two ways. One, that you cant be trusted around men who are interested in you and two, it assumes that no one would have found you attractive before you lost weight.

I would have to have it out with him. He will deny it of course but you need to make it clear that you wont tolerate his attempts at sabotaging you and he has to pack it in now.

[PricklyBall]

Just checked on the NHS BMI calculator. 10 stone puts you at a BMI of 20 for your height, 9st 7 is a BMI of 19. So not quite underweight, but close to it. What are you hoping for by losing that extra 7 lbs? A BMI of 20 is already in the lower half of the healthy weight range, and if you're doing a lot of gym work and weight training that probably means you're already pretty toned looking, muscular and have low visceral fat.

Having said that, I stand by my earlier comment that it's significant your husband is pushing unhealthy foods like crisps and roasties on you.

[Lucked]

I am 5'10 and was skinny at 9 st 7 and that was with very low muscle mass. Ask him directly what he thinks of your weight loss and target. I looked best at around 10st 3 to 10st 7 and hope to get back there but everyone is different and it is not a ridiculously low weight for your height and also well done on your fitness and cutting back on alcohol.

[Runningpear]

I think he's worried about you losing too much. The wine situation is not good if youve made it clear you don't want to drink though.

[MummaTwinkleToes]

Definitely trying to sabotage you. My DH does this with chocolate biscuits and shortbread at the moment. Trying to lose baby weight and haven't been buying them. He keeps bringing them in... and I cave every time

[Runningpear]

At 5'9 and 9st 7, I was very thin, visible ribs, bony hips and thin arms. I did no exercise either so had no muscle. It does sound low.

[NewBrian]

Your target weight is just a few pounds over a healthy BMI.