AIBU to start resenting my husband?

[user1495042595]

I don't know whether I'm being a moody cow or whether he's just a lazy arse.

I've lived with him for 6 years now (married last year) and I'm just seriously starting to hate him. He does absolutely NOTHING around the house and if I ask he throws a tantrum like a kid. We've gone round in circles over him helping me out with housework and eventually (maybe once a month) he'll get the hoover out or wash some dishes - but only if I nag. I do everything else, including cooking, cleaning, whatever else. I've tried stopping doing everything but the house just gets unbearable - I've never met someone who can live in such a pit. If I stop doing his washing he'll eventually get round to putting a washload of his stuff in. Eventually.

His excuse is he has a manual job - so he's tired at the end of the day. However, I'm the main breadwinner and work 10+ hour days myself running a successful business. My job is mentally exhausting and the last thing I want to do is cook and clean either.

It's getting to the point where I'm starting to feel hatred towards him, because I'm so stressed out about juggling everything or living in a pit with takeaways and ready meals as I'm too exhausted myself.

So AIBU to start resenting him for being a lazy git? And can I ship him back to his mums to do all his cooking and cleaning for him?!

[icelollycraving]

Get a cleaner if you could possibly afford it.
You will resent him, he will resent the nagging.

[DailyMailReadersAreThick]

YANBU

And can I ship him back to his mums to do all his cooking and cleaning for him?!

Absolutely!

For me the extent of unreasonableness depends on whether he thinks it's a woman's job to do the housework, or if he just has lower cleanliness/tidiness standards to you.

If you want to save the relationship, then what about employing a cleaner? Doesn't deal with the root cause but should stop the arguments...

[fiftyplustwo]

Aren't there any other ways to get around this problem besides resenting ? Let's hear what the others have to suggest (positive incentives you could use).

[user1495042595]

It's the whole "I don't give a toss" attitude that's making me resent him; probably should've been more clear.

Like when he gets a dozen parking tickets through and doesn't deal with them, just waits until they get so big they threaten to take his car away. Or the fact he hasn't filled in/paid his tax return for last year. Leaving the washing up until there's absolutely no crockery or cutlery, so he'll eat cereal out of a pan with a wooden spoon. There's only so many times I can ask him, beg him, plead with him, bargain with him but he just does not care about anything. I feel like I'm looking after everything to do with his life and he just expects me to. I want to solve it, I don't want to give up, but I just feel like crying constantly.

[Crunchymum]

Why did you marry him after 5 years of this shit?

[Smitff]

Whatever you do, don't have a child with him. This is the sort of thing that leads to divorce when babies enter the scene. Sorry.

[Therealslimshady1]

I could not live with this!

I hope he also really makes you laugh, is great in bed and adores you.

If not, LTB!

[BitchPeas]

I would leave him. I couldn't live with that.

[Justmadeperfectflapjacks]

Start doing your own washing /cooking etc. . Leave him to do his own.
You are enabling him to be lazy!!

[Soozikinzii]

Get a cleaner or LTB .That really does sound ridiculously lazy to me

[MiniAlphaBravo]

Does he have any good points? Cos he sounds like a wanker.

[rollonthesummer]

He sounds incredibly lazy! Don't have kids with this man.

[arethereanyleftatall]

This is shocking.

I would do absolutely nothing for him.

Certainly not the things tha don't make any difference to your life - his laundry for example. As of now, never do his laundry again. Don't say anything about it.

[Ginosaji]

Buy him this

[Chloe84]

Did you think marriage would change him?

Get rid of the twat.

Everytime he leaves his mess for you he is showing you how little he gives a shit about you.

Stop cooking for him as a first step. Chuck him out of your bedroom. Put his dirty dishes on his bed. Don't have children with this manchild.

[Msqueen33]

Do you have any kids? If not I'd consider leaving. This will multiple by 100 if you have kids and the resentment will eat away at you. I couldn't live with a man I had to mother. As it is my dh isn't hugely house proud but will Hoover and do the washing up on the weekends. He doesn't seem to respect you as he's not even trying.

[SparklesandBangs]

No I couldn't live with that, I'd ship him back to his mum

[LiveLifeWithPassion]

I could never put up with such laziness. I'd leave.

But if you want to try anything, how about you ask him if he actually thinks this set up is fair? List the hrs you work and what you do and the same for him.
Then see if he can offer what chores he can do.
I would expect washing up if you're cooking and vice versa. Or do it together. Tidying up at the end of the day. Hoover once a week, his own laundry, treating you well and showing you kindness.

[BadToTheBone]

I'm a very lax housekeeper, I like things reasonably clean and tidy but I don't mind things being left for a while or s few things laid around. I do hate people who think they deserve to have another adult do everything for them, it's a marriage, you aren't master and slave, sod that.

[Rareshopkins]

So you lived with him for 5 years like this and then married him? Why? He has no incentive to step up now.

I hope there isn't a baby in the mix, it does not bode well for him pulling his weight there.

[LostSight]

The parking ticket thing would worry me. What other things is he doing that will put your joint finances at risk?

You are in a legally binding contract that will tie you to any debts and bad credit ratings he runs up.

In addition to all the other stuff.

Why would you stay? What are you hoping for?

[Calvinlookingforhobbs]

Pleeeeease do not have children with him. I rarely say it, but you should seriously consider LTB.

[category12]

He's not going to change. Why have you stuck it out this long?

[elephantscansing]

Why did you marry him after 5 years of this shit?

This ^

What on earth are his redeeming features?

He may be too far entrenched to change and, worse, he doesn't see the need to change. And the money stuff

Sounds like your life would be happier, cleaner, less stressful and more relaxed without him in it.

I'd leave him.

I'd resent the fuck out of him too. Lazy twat.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

He sounds as though he needs a maid rather than a wife.

You are both working long hours therefore all household responsibilities should be equally shared. I'm sure he doesn't feel like doing the washing up or cooking dinner after work - but why does he think it's any different for you?

Is he the type to think that women are born with a natural love of domestic chores?

I'm also a little surprised that you got so far as marrying him after 5 years of this behaviour!