Got married around two years ago. He was never overly affectionate but if I hinted enough, he'd make the effort. Sex dried up around 9 months into the marriage - basically I was always instigating it and 70% of the time I'd get rejected. After a while I stopped bothering to instigate thinking that he would then step up but he didn't - we just ended up having sex once in a blue moon and that would be after I'd instigated it through pure frustration.
I tried talking to him and he would always maintain that nothing was wrong, he was happy etc etc - just "tired".
Anyway I got fed up of it in the end, I'm in my mid 30s. I wanted to feel wanted, sexy, attractive etc and I was missing the intimacy and affection so much.
Anyway I decided that if he didn't want me, I'd work on wanting myself and THEN he would want me (and I suppose sub consciously I thought that if he didn't, someone else would).
It's been 6 months of healthy eating, exercise, pursuing my own hobbies etc - feel great, look great - my confidence is great, however he still doesn't seem to notice me.
I'm flogging a dead horse right? Or is it normal for a bloke in his 40s to go off intimacy and affection?
I feel like we're just mates, staying married because twice a year we have a great holiday together. Honestly, our entire lives seem to centre around our travelling which is nice - but I can no longer ignore the fact that the rest of the year is spent "living with a mate".
AIBU to consider divorce? He doesn't think anything is wrong. I've tried talking to him, he says it's all in my head and he can't understand what I'm upset about as we "always have sex".
I love him but I don't want to live like this. I'm craving affection from a man and I'm worried that if the situation presented itself, I'd be tempted.
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AIBU?
6 months of effort on myself and husband still not interested
56 replies
DiannaMorthphine · 01/02/2017 16:50
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