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To refuse to believe that this is my life?

(82 Posts)
VeryNecessary Sun 22-Jan-17 21:44:31

I've seen countless variations of things like this, but three people have reposted this on FB today and I guess I'm feeling extra ragey and hormonal given I'm 40 + 5 with my first baby.

Is this my reality? Honestly?

Everything I read or see is all geared toward Mums and how hard things are. I get it's easy for me to say this all now (I'm not actually a mum yet) but surely there are some decent Dads out there too? Surely there are, you know, couples who do all this together? As a partnership?

"To the mom hiding in her bathroom, needing peace for just one minute, as the tears roll down her cheeks..

To the mom who is so tired she feel likes she can't function anymore and would do anything to lay down and get the rest she needs...

To the mom sitting in her car, alone, stuffing food in her face because she doesn’t want anyone else to see or know she eats that stuff…

To the mom crying on the couch after she yelled at her kids for something little and is now feeling guilty and like she is unworthy…

To the mom that is trying desperately to put those old jeans on because all she really wants is to look in the mirror and feel good about herself…

To the mom that doesn’t want to leave the house because life is just too much to handle right now…

To the mom that is calling out for pizza again because dinner just didn’t happen the way she wanted it to…

To the mom that feels alone, whether in a room by herself or standing in a crowd...

You are enough.

You are important.

You are worthy."

(There's more but it's too twee and boaky to post)

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Sun 22-Jan-17 21:51:36

Well yes of course there's loads of great dads out there.

But sometimes kids choose to torture favour one parent with their undivided, not to be distracted attention.

I remember getting up from the breakfast table and eating my porridge locked in the car because it was the only place 3 yo DD couldn't get at me. Her Dad was right there, willing and able to help with anything she wanted but she would not be thwarted.

Congrats and fingers crossed for safe arrival of your baby.

Cosmicglitterpug Sun 22-Jan-17 21:52:07

Heh. What a load of tosh.

Gooseygoosey12345 Sun 22-Jan-17 21:55:00

The mum in that "poem" sounds depressed :/ I'd try to pay no mind to this kind of shit thing. I've never secret eaten in my car 😂

HuckleberryGin Sun 22-Jan-17 21:55:12

I pretend to go for a poo and lock myself in the toilet for a few minutes peace. My 4 year old wants to be with me all the time. Close up, touching me and talking. Daddy is not good enough. It's claustrophobic.

HuckleberryGin Sun 22-Jan-17 21:56:27

Actually once I cried because on the loo with 2 children observing and yammering on and then the cat decided to come in too.

I like alone time. This is quite inconsistent with parenting ;)

Beth2511 Sun 22-Jan-17 21:56:47

i think the thing abiut being a parent is that every child goes through a hell phase, some at newborn, some as toddlers etc. and when they go through that phase its soul destroying.

i have a 2 year old and a 3 month old and in the last 10 days my now ex has ruined my life as i knew it. i had a tear rolling down my cheek in asda yesterday and i honestly felt like running away but someone cane ul to me and reminded me it does get better..

WhooooAmI24601 Sun 22-Jan-17 22:04:47

One of my DCs stalks me more than they stalk DH. If I'm cooking food, he's there. If I'm in the bathroom, he's there. If he's getting dressed each morning, it's in our room next to me. He asks to sleep in my bed every Friday night (because I refuse on school nights). He's 6 and I know it won't last; I work full-time in a school and his big brother has ASD so life's busy and full, perhaps he just needs those moments to have me totally to himself. I don't complain to him; it won't be forever. But there are moments where I find myself silently praying he'll go and shout DH for something instead because being tracked by a tiny person continually can be exhausting. When MIL is here it's like a gift from on high because she's the only one capable of diverting him from his stalker-tendencies.

Children can suck all the joy out of you or put all the joy back into you depending on their mood/situation. I've had moments of utter desolation. Poems like that are twee but resonate with most parents at times, I'm sure.

SleepFreeZone Sun 22-Jan-17 22:06:33

Look, it's hard. Some people are better at it than others. Some people put on a better show than others. Some kids are easier to parent than others.

It's always easier if you have a support system and I think it's easier if you have money. I thought one child was quite hard but I've found a toddler and a baby really challenging and yea there have been lots of tears and not enough sleep. But there's also been lots of love and laughter and I think I'm a pretty good Mummy or at least the best Mummy I can be.

If I can offer any advice it would be not to compare you baby with your friend's babies. Don't get caught up in constantly taking photos as you forget to actually live the moment. Catch up with sleep when you can, the housework can wait, they are only tiny for a short time.

mellowfartfulness Sun 22-Jan-17 22:07:35

Well, I reckon I have done all those things at least once (apart from eating in the car) in the 7 years since DC1 was born, but it's not like that day in day out!

I'm a SAHM, so while we share the load during evenings and weekends, I'm the one who can't always get an adequate break from the relentlessness of a child in a difficult phase. I also breastfeed and do all the night feeds, especially as H commutes by car and needs not to fall asleep at the wheel. And being Milk Parent tends to make me the favourite for clinging to. So I am usually more tired, more stir crazy, more isolated than H is. It's still brilliant overall though.

NameChanger22 Sun 22-Jan-17 22:09:04

I don't think there are that many great dads out there. I don't know any. Maybe I live in a crap man bubble.

Being a mum is tough. Most people find it tough. A little bit of help from men would be a nice, but I think it's a fantasy that men aren't completely selfish.

jwbsgjones Sun 22-Jan-17 22:09:32

I have a 9 and 6 year old. I would have to say, give yourself a few years then have a look again at the poem you posted above - I can bet that at least a couple of those statements will resonate strongly with you :-)

Oysterbabe Sun 22-Jan-17 22:12:30

Just because the mum is doing those things it doesn't mean that the dad isn't present or helping, it's just really, really hard for some people.
Those kind of posts aren't my cup of tea but I'm sure there are some out there who appreciate the acknowledgement that it's ok to find it difficult.

RainbowJack Sun 22-Jan-17 22:12:51

Everything I read or see is all geared toward Mums

Like Mumsnet. Maybe it should be parentsnet.

Teaholic Sun 22-Jan-17 22:14:13

I have just begged my 13 year old to leave my bedroom. No wait, he's back

RosyGold Sun 22-Jan-17 22:14:54

Having kids is so claustrophobic...mine is only 14 months old and I'm a sahm which is tough during the week, but at weekends when my man is here my girl only seems to want me and cling to me, follow me everywhere I go etc. I feel like screaming some days but love how obsessed with me she is. I've just faced reality that I will never finish a cup of hot coffee again, or eat anything without sharing with her...I get my little moments of peace in the loo smoking a cig out the window or on the patio where she can see me but can't grab me lol 😜

corythatwas Sun 22-Jan-17 22:15:16

Good heavens, what have you been reading?!!

Look back at the last 18 years of your life. Select the 8 most frustrating moments of those 18 years- whether at work or with your dh or out with your friends. Now turn them into a poem. See what you just did? Looks utterly miserable, doesn't it?

Now do another exercise. Select 8 really good moments from the last 18 years: times when you have felt on top of things, times when you have really pulled it off, times when time just seems to stand still for happiness, or times that have simply been hilariously funny.

You will get those too!!!

Here are some of mine:

the time ds and I played Robin Hood (ds) and all his Merry Men (me) in the woods among the bluebells

the first time dd fell asleep in my arms after we got home from hospital

the time when ds learnt to sit up

all the times I changed dd on the changing table and she laughed and laughed when I blew raspberries on her tummy

the time ds told me about his secret country

the time dd learnt to put three words together and make a sentence

the time we took ds (1) to bonfire night and he got all excited about the fireworks

the time we walked home from the park in the rain singing at the top of our voices to keep dd going and she suddenly turned to me and said "you are the right mummy for me"

elizabethdraper Sun 22-Jan-17 22:15:49

I sometimes tell my husband I have to work late /or the traffic is bad but really I Am sitting around the corner in the car because I can't bare the thoughts of going home where everyone ceases to exist the second my wonderful child sees me. They have to rub my face continuously, sit on me, lick me, will only eat my dinner, ask to see my poo

Sometimes it is fucking horrendous and I want to run away and live in a cave

venys Sun 22-Jan-17 22:16:24

Haha jwbsgjones so true. I am in the thick of it at the moment and it's relentless with 3 little ones and no additional support apart from.DH - but even our kids are too much for us most of the time at the moment. Everyone I know with older kids says I remember those days..But it does get easier. For those comments I learn to try and enjoy today - for I know it won't last and I enjoy that they are so close and need us now. (Even if we go a bit crazy doing it).

corythatwas Sun 22-Jan-17 22:17:40

Namechanger, that's really sad. But I do think perhaps you've been unlucky. I seem to know a lot of them, both in my own family and among friends.

FourToTheFloor Sun 22-Jan-17 22:18:34

Well Very let's have this conversation when you have had your baby yeah? Because I think it's about bloody time women got all the acknowledgement they can of how hard it is on us, even us lucky ones with a dh/dp who do their share.

Wait until you've gone through labour, bf day and night and your body is trying to heal. You're so exhausted you literally can't think and you try to shower with your bra on because you forgot to take it off.

You're not quite in the right boat to be judgey about this just yet.

FittonTower Sun 22-Jan-17 22:19:04

My husband is fab. 50/50 all the way in this house. Some weeks we operate like the well oil machine we are, other weeks I wanna hide drinking gin in the bath. Parenthood/motherhood is wonderful and everything but it kicks you about like little bitch.

corythatwas Sun 22-Jan-17 22:20:15

OP, don't give up on the idea of expecting the best from your dh/dp (always assuming you have one). Some women end up with far less than they deserve, but that's no reason for setting expectations low for everybody. A decent man can, and should, pull his weight. And the earlier he gets stuck in, the more confident he will be.

Thebookswereherfriends Sun 22-Jan-17 22:20:47

Just to give you some hope - I have never done any of those things, apart from secretly eat, but that's cause I have a bit of a snacking problem, not cause I have a child.
I am not being gloating but I think we sometimes look at having children in a rather negative light sometime. Yes, your life will be quite different, and you'll feel totally knackered sometimes, but accept these things as a temporary situation while you guide and raise your child the best you can.
My tip is read aha parenting - covers all ages and stages and really helps when you just don't know what to do about your child.

user1484226561 Sun 22-Jan-17 22:21:10

I've loved every day of parenting. Not quite every minute of every day, but certainly most of them xx

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