Appreciate the words overcoming/struggling don't quite capture the sheer shittiness of infertility but here goes!
Hi everyone, I'm pinkheels and I've been trying to conceive for the last 4 years. 3 failed IVF cycles later, and partway theough my 4th (and most likely last) I've relied on the absolutely incredible support of some of the most fantastic women on here. I guess like most things in life, if you haven't gone through something then you don't quite appreciate how difficult it may be. I've lost count of the times people have made glib comments about how I should just relax, how their neighbours best friends nephews cousin's wife's twice removed took a magical supplement and is now pregnant, how stress won't get me anywhere, and how if it all fails I can "just" adopt. I get the fact that not everyone understands the pain, the struggle to pretend everything is ok, the heartbreak of repeated failure time after time, the incredible cost, the indignity, etc etc. if anything I've made my peace with that but, a big BUT, I see people who have gone through the same difficulties, who are lucky enough to become pregnant, suddenly become like everyone else, who lose all sense of empathy and sensitivity, who over share their pregnancy details, who seem to think their way is the only way, and feel entitled to pass judgement/give advice. I know I'm probably coming across as bitter or jealous (which I can genuinely say I'm not) but I do think those who have been through it should perhaps have a little more sensitivity and perhaps appreciate their stealth boasts belong to the pregnancy threads rather than the infertility ones.
AIBU?
To think those who have overcome infertility should be more mindful of those still struggling?
Pinkheels · 01/12/2016 14:43
TBH I think that these things differ from person to person. Because where one person may be upset over every failed attempt or obsessing over the need to be temping/charting/symptom spotting, there are others who are also going through the same struggles who once they fall pregnant see that as the end goal having been reached.
And the conception boards are a place where people have gained support, is it reasonable that when people manage to fall pregnant they should then move away somewhere else even though they may have formed connections with the people on their particular threads?
I used to frequent the conception boards back in the day when I was TTC. There are still people who I connected with back then who I am still in touch with, even though they managed to conceive and I didn't. Equally there are others who didn't manage to conceive who did go on to adopt, and while "you can always adopt" is a bit of a crass thing to say, the reality is that for some women, conception will never be a possibility, and if they want to become parents, then adoption is often the next step they choose to take.
It wasn't something I considered, but I would have been 
if those who had been part of the conception threads had felt they couldn't come back and talk about their pregnancies and in some cases their subsequent attempts to conceive.
And I always remember one particular poster who was on the TTC boards after having TTC for five years, falling pregnant naturally, and the baby then being stillborn at full term because the chord wrapped around his neck in labour. She then struggled and failed to conceive for another two years, and she was nothing but lovely, supportive of many other posters, and happy for them when they managed to get their BFP, even though in her case this seemed an impossibility.
If someone who has gone through all that can be the lovely person that she was then TBH I think we can all find it in ourselves to be happy for others even when it seems we might never have what they do.
And comments about just relaxing you either take on board or you don't. For some people pregnancy occurs naturally when they forgot about TTC. For some people adoption is the answer. For those who are still on the TTC journey only time will tell where the end lies.
I sort of know what you mean op. I wasn't on mn but remember someone who had become pregnant after miscarriage and a while ttc. She was ALL OVER Facebook with it, I found it quite strange. I know she found it upsetting hearing pregnancy stuff while she was struggling so though I got she must be excited, I was a bit put out by her lack of sensitivity. It was like she'd left it all behind - her journey I mean.
When we eventually got pregnant after icsi, I tried to be sooo sensitive and didn't dream of doing the announcement on fb thing. A healthy pregnancy was all I needed and if I was sparing someome that awful feeling in their stomach at yet another scan photo, then I was glad.
Good luck to you op. Really hope this round works 
letdown I do know what you mean and why shouldn't you of course. I think I just judged this person because of how much she complained about others before. There's nothing wrong per se in sharing your news of course, and I think that cab be done without constantly banging on about your pregnancy to everyone. Guess it's about knowing your audience - I updated my mum and Mil A LOT! 
but I knew they were interested and not ttc!
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