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Wedding gift (am I being tight?)

(49 Posts)
Cosette123 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:29:55

I am off to a friend's wedding tomorrow. A friend who I class as a good friend but we rarely see one another nowadays as live too far and she's in the city/I'm a full time working mum In the country. It's 70miles away, I'm having to drive there and back in the day (husband is currently working away with work and 1 year old DC not invited). We don't live near any family so I will be paying childminder £9/hr to look after DD. I haven't told friend but will probably leave after the first dance to get back to DD (& reduce childcare cost), So thinking will be home by 22:30. I've had to buy a new dress for the wedding (£75) as didn't have any wedding attire suitable for this season +existing clothes don't fit as well as used to. I went on the hen, overnight so which cost circa £250 in total (husband was home then). My friend is no longer in touch with what used to be our group of friends and her friendship group are girls I knew when we were at uni but not people I stayed in tough with. means tomorrow will be quite Maunting without DH and I will be a solo attendee.... In conclusion how much cash do I need to give for the present? (It's cash, no wedding list etc). I know I should give what can afford etc but I'm actually sadly really dreading tomorrow and feel like everything has already cost me a fortune. £30/£40/£50??? Just don't want to appear tight but then it's just me attending etc.

19lottie82 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:32:38

You don't need to give anything.

Give whatever you want.

Personally if it was me I would feel uncomfortable giving less than £50, but I know others will disagree, and I'm not saying you should feel pressured to give this much, especially as you spent so much on the hen do.

ConvincingLiar Fri 11-Nov-16 21:33:05

We had lots of people give us £25 per couple, I was grateful for it.

PUGaLUGS Fri 11-Nov-16 21:35:34

I think £25 would be a very reasonable amount.

Bringmewineandcake Fri 11-Nov-16 21:36:22

You've spent quite a lot already all things considered. Give what you're comfortable with. I don't think anyone can really say - I would have been delighted with a gift of £30 at my wedding.

littleme2016 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:36:41

You are not being tight...up to you what you wish to give.

I know I would be grateful for anything (as should any good friend)

Champagneformyrealfriends Fri 11-Nov-16 21:37:59

We give £50 to good friends, probably £30 if it was a friend I didn't see much of.

guiltynetter Fri 11-Nov-16 21:40:38

honestly, I know this isn't your question but if this was my wedding I'd rather you not come if this is the way you're feeling about it. totting up everything you've spent so far, thinking how far it is to drive. I got married this year and if any of my guests were dreading it like you are I would be mortified! I'd much rather them tell the truth and say they couldn't make it because of: then give your reasons.

although I wouldn't invite anybody solo, that's a bit mean.

Bluntness100 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:41:15

I'd give 50 too but I would be very uncomfortable,as I've never given cash as a wedding gift, do uou have to give cash? Can't you buy them an actual present?

Matchingbluesocks Fri 11-Nov-16 21:42:48

I'm with the £50 people

Mumto2uk Fri 11-Nov-16 21:43:53

Well I totally disagree with the poster above and think your concerns are totally valid. I would feel/felt exactly the same. I would give £30 if I could afford it. X

Cosette123 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:45:10

Thanks for replies it's ok I think I just needed someone to tell me that I need to give x amount! Husband is invited but he's in the military and deployed.

guiltynetter totally understand where ur coming from (&did probably say/think the same).

I am going to give £40. It's just me going and that feels fair xx thanks everyone xx

Cosette123 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:46:35

No time to buy a present btw (left it all a bit last minute and working full time with a 1 yr old @nursery leaves little time to actually do anything! grin xx

Bertucci Fri 11-Nov-16 21:48:43

I think your friend, any good friend, would be gutted to think you are worrying about this.

Give whatever you can afford. There should be no obligation to give anything at all. It's a celebration, you are the guest - not someone that has bought a ticket.

I loathe the expectation to give cash.

Bluntness100 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:52:53

Honestly, I think not buying a gift and giving cash is the bigger concern, unless they are strapped for money and want cash, I'd be a bit offended if a good friend gave me forty quid, or whatever, for my wedding. You had no time to buy a gift, but apparently had the time to buy yourself a new dress for it.

I also think uou don't want to go, so why not make your excused tomorrow, say uou are sick or the child minder let uou down and then buy and send s nice gift to them with an apology card.

fabulous01 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:55:13

If you have committed to going I think it is too late to cancel. But I always give the cost of my dinner.

LockedOutOfMN Fri 11-Nov-16 22:00:36

25 or 30 pounds is enough from a single guest. Don't feel bad, OP.

bumsexatthebingo Fri 11-Nov-16 22:00:45

I think the amount of cash you give is a secondary concern to how much you clearly don't want to go. I've never heard of the cost of the gift being related to the amount of dread at attending before.
I would have sent my regrets and a nice gift in your situation. And £75 is a lot to spend on a dress that you needn't have spent considering you seem put out at the cost involved.

Bertucci Fri 11-Nov-16 22:01:34

I hate that attitude. Come but cover the cost of your meal.

Imagine if you had friends for dinner and applied the same logic.

It's so mercenary.

As hosts, the cost is meant to be covered as you want to treat your guests to thank them for being there at your special celebration. Guests like to bring a gift but it is not a requirement - especially as most couples live together. It used to be to help them set up home - now it seems to be to pay for a holiday or to repay the cost of your being there. So crass.

MadisonAvenue Fri 11-Nov-16 22:01:45

Bluntness, the bride and groom at every wedding I've been to in the last few years have requested cash instead of gifts. Each couple have been living together so have no need to send out a gift list and this is quite possibly the case with this particular wedding.

OP, give what you can comfortably afford.

ChickenVindaloo Fri 11-Nov-16 22:03:18

Given you're bought the dress and made the arrangements, you may as well go. Perhaps you will enjoy it when you're there. And it's nice to make the effort for a friend.

Just make sure you have a lovely night on your own sofa on Sunday to make up for it!

DeadGood Fri 11-Nov-16 22:04:08

Bluntness100 I think you need to re-read the OP.

ChickenVindaloo Fri 11-Nov-16 22:05:20

It's so late now that only a death in the family would be a good enough excuse to drop out! (imho)

You'd feel so guilty and your friendship would probably never be the same again.

Imagine if everyone did that who couldn't be arsed to go!

HowMuchDoWeNeed Fri 11-Nov-16 22:05:40

"I always give the cost of my dinner."

And how do you go about that, fabulous01 - do you ask the bride and groom for a look at the invoice?

ChickenVindaloo Fri 11-Nov-16 22:07:10

(I know you're not dropping out, OP, it was more a reply to some of the PPs)

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