AIBU to hate my neighbours kids?

[Gracey1231]

My next door neighbours children aged about 8 and 11 have literally no respect for my property. I'm not a neighbour from hell who kicks off at them for nothing either I never shout at them.

Okay so our driveway and there's is connected even though our houses aren't and they are constantly littering our front garden with, quite frankly, shit, toffee wrappers and bottles which I am sick of saying "guys really sorry but can you pick up after yourself" they use our driveway as a play area which I'm not happy about but don't want to be nasty because theirs have a car on it and mine doesn't, despite them having a full road to play in, the ball goes over my garden constantly which I honestly dont mind, but they're forever at the door knocking, and if I say I'm busy they bang on my door until I get it.

A few weeks ago they were playing football and the ball hit my window, I went out and reasonably said to them look if it breaks I'll have to pay for a new one and it's very expensive, the 11 year old laughed in my face. I never said a word.

They constantly come right up to my window and look inside and their parents never check on them despite one having learning difficulties.

After that occasion they kicked it into my garden and didn't even knock to get it just attempted to climb over my side gate into the garden, which I caught them and politely informed them that this is trespassing and I haven't ever have them permission to go into my garden.
Today I got home and my back gate was completely unlocked, no one in the house had done it and there was a ball on my shed which wasn't there before. Turns out they'd unlocked the gate tried to get the ball and couldn't reach and just left it open.

AIBU to literally be fed up of these kids? Tried to be reasonable with them but it's becoming irritable by the day especially when I have a lot going on at the moment. I want to speak to their parents but I don't want to seem patronising as I don't have kids of my own.

[JellyBelli]

Ugh, YANBU, time to get tough. Complain to their landlord, and talk to your local communituy police officer if you have one.

[Gracey1231]

@JellyBelli thank you haha didn't want to seem a psycho kid hater, is it just me or do more kids now not get taught behaviour like this than they used to?

[KoalaDownUnder]

YANBU. Rude gits.

Our parents would have gone ballistic at us if we had behaved like that.

[Gracey1231]

@KoalaDownUnder exactly! I would've gotten told off definitely for trying to get into someone's garden

Sick of being polite when all I want to do is tell them to fuck off away from my house, think I'm stressed lol

[Lalunya85]

Ummm... Parents? Did you mention their parents in your OP??

Before contacting the police, I'd definitely have a chat with them first

I'm half joking as I'm pretty sure you've already done that? What was their reaction?

You definitely need to be a lot more firm. Don't get the ball unless you happen to be in the garden, no matter how long they bang on your door. And if they keep banging, get angry, they'll get the message. Don't be afraid to raise your voice at them for stuff like this. They're kids, not criminals.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

" I want to speak to their parents but I don't want to seem patronising as I don't have kids of my own."
So you haven't spoken to the parents about them at all? I'd have been knocking on their door with the sweetie wrappers never mind the rest of it.

Talk to the parents. Say that you're fed up with the children leaving litter in your garden, balls being kicked with no regard to safety including it hitting your window, and the lack of respect being shown to you and your property generally. You'd like them to tell their kids to clean up after themselves and to play elsewhere (not on your driveway) and that when a ball lands in your garden they are not to bang on your doors unrelentingly and they are absolutely NOT to unlock your gate when you are not there to return the ball, leaving the gate unlocked. Round it off with pointing out that should the children damage your property you will expect them, the parents, to pay for the damage.

In no way is that patronising. Your neighbours need to up their game, you have been more than reasonable in not raising it with them before now (I would have done).

Oh, and don't address the children with "guys really sorry but can you pick up after yourself". Do not apologise, be more assertive. 'You two (or their names), pick up that litter you left in my garden and put it in the bin. And don't do it again.'

[Gracey1231]

I wouldn't go as far to contact the police as you say they are kids not criminals! I'll try have a word tomorrow, I wish I had a fence around my house tbh

[Gracey1231]

@WhereYouLeftIt this is helpful!! Thank you! I just feel as though I'm patronising them and I suppose I don't really want to speak ill of a kid who has learning difficulties and tbh I know full well if they break anything I'm not gonna be the one to pay I'm afraid

[User1234567891011]

YANBU - Its so disrespectful. I agree with calling their landlord of a local PCSO to come and have a word with them after they broke into your garden and left your property vulnerable. That's how I'd word it so they take it seriously.

You need to start by setting boundaries I think, like not letting them play on YOUR driveway.

[Lalunya85]

Same with the wrappers. Every time they littering your drive way, knock on their door and ask them to come and pick it all up. Their parents will be so embarrassed (hopefully) or at the very least annoyed with your knocking at their door, they will soon discipline their kids.

I agree by the way that this is totally unacceptable behaviour by the kids and you shouldn't have to put up with it.

We have a lovely neighbour but if the kids throw the ball over his fence accidentally, I explain to them that he will throw it back when he is in his garden, and until then we'll find something else to play with. I wouldn't knock on his door and ask him to pick it up for them there and then.

[Gracey1231]

I've never wanted them on my driveway but it's always been a case of can I tell them because there's no car there, however when I think rationally it's my property so they haven't a right to be there really. I also spent half my summer with my blinds closed when they were playing out cos I was sick of them coming looking right up in my window

[User1234567891011]

*or a local

And I agree, talk to the parents. No apologising. Explain you've looked the other way long enough but its gone on too long now; do not let them make excuses for their children.

[Lalunya85]

The parents might not even be aware of their kids' behaviour if you haven't mentioned it. If these were my kids I would find it embarrassing that you had to come and talk to me, but I definitely wouldn't think that you were being unreasonable or patronising.

[User1234567891011]

Would something cheap like this work around your driveway?

www.bmstores.co.uk/products/border-fixed-edge-1m-x-15cm-265764

It won't keep them out but you would be making a clear boundary and could tell them not to cross over it. Every time they do you can remind them to be on the other side of it. Tell the parents that too.

[Gracey1231]

Oooh that's a good idea I could get one definitely!

Their parents don't seem to tell them off for anything like the one with learning difficulties walks round shouting fuck and cunt and all this filth and they just turn a blind eye

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Just because the parents turn a blind eye doesn't mean you have to. Be ready for them to bleat about they can't do anything about their children's behaviour. Of course they can. If the children can't be trusted to play out alone without pissing off the neighbours, then they don't get to play out alone. They can play indoors (and drive their parents crazy) or they can play out supervised by one of the parents. Be assertive and unapologetic about asking them to - y'know - parent their own children.

[User1234567891011]

If I were you I'd also get a diary/note pad and start making a log of their behaviour. Date, time, which one did it, what they did, what you did.
If you do have to contact the council this is the first thing they tell you to do so you can get it sorted out ASAP if you already have it all logged down. Plus the parents might not realise how bad they are and if they see it all written down like that it might give them a kick up the arse to sort them out :)

I think if you can afford it the low boarders would be a good start and when the kids come to see you put them in explain to them they cannot cross over them into your property.

[ILoveAutumnLeaves]

Pull up your Big Girls Pants and talk to the parents, say what whereyouleftit said.

Do NOT be all British & apolgise. With the parents OR the children. You're being too soft & that's why the 11 yo just laughed at you. You need to get onto this now as the longer it carries on for the worse it will get.

[Gracey1231]

Thank you guys! I don't see why they have to be on our driveway anyway there's a perfectly sized back garden of theirs!

We live just off a main road, about 5 steps away and I have long questioned how the parents are okay with having a child with severe learning difficulties play out near it for so long unsupervised

After the incident today I really have lost my temper and I threw their ball over my fence onto an entry of a field at the back, fed up of their disrespect tbh

[ILoveAutumnLeaves]

That was a bit mean. It's not their fault they haven't been taught better manners. You're getting more angry with children while being too afraid to discuss the problem with the parents or deal with the children. They're not going to learn by osmosis.

[kali110]

No yanbu that's awful behaviour!
Imagine if someone broke in when they unlocked your gate
Or hurt themselves?
Go round to their parents and tell them everything, stay calm and put it nicely.
I'd tell them i wouldn't want them hurting themselves or breaking anything that would then need replacing when letting themselves into your garden.
Also tell them that that they shouldn't be playing up by the window as there is no privacy, and that you're not having them banging on your door repeatedly.
Don't go out purposely to return balls, only when convient for you.
They keep turning up at your door, send them home.
If they carried on letting themselves after speaking to parents several times (or parents didn't care) then i may contact police as that may then stop them.

[Glamorousglitter]

Out of interest I wonder if anyone knows if they injured themselves on your property would you be 'liable' ?
Regardless I would have a conversation with the parents - firm unapologetic and stand your ground. You should have done this ages ago.
And every time they litter/ throw the ball iver/ climb over your fence/ give you cheeky answers .... I would be right in there at the parents getting them to clean up if the kids don't etc. Disgusting behaviour. If I thought my children were behaving like that I would be horrified.

[Glamorousglitter]

and it s totally reasonable to ask them to tell the kids not to come up and peer in your windows or bang in the door unrelentingly

[Glamorousglitter]

and it s totally reasonable to ask them to tell the kids not to come up and peer in your windows or bang in the door unrelentingly

[kali110]

Glamorousglitter yes, even if you weren't liable i wonder if the parents would be round complaining?
My parents would have gone mad if i had done this!
I weren't even allowed to go round and knock the door.
Had to wait for the neighbours to Throw them back.