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Ex refusing I return 3yo after contact

(145 Posts)
Mooey89 Sat 05-Nov-16 17:24:09

Contact 10-4 Saturdays. No overnights due to catalogue of concerns re home environment/domestic abuse
Waiting for court on Dec 5th.

Went for contact today, due home at 4, text saying he is keeping him overnight will return him tomorrow at 6 and there is nothing I can do about it. DS hadnt stayed overnight there for 6 months. He left this morning thinking he would be coming back to me after.

Police can't do anything without a court order.
He's also stopped maintenance this month to 'punish' me.

He's such a cunt.

QueenLizIII Sat 05-Nov-16 19:51:38

When you finally do get a Court order, draw it to the courts attention at his failure to comply with contact arrangements and ask the Court to attach a Penal Notice to the Order.

Obsidian77 Sat 05-Nov-16 19:52:01

Sorry you're going through this op. Can you call the duty Social Worker, tell them exactly what he has said to you, and ask their advice?

JellyBelli Sat 05-Nov-16 19:52:38


Mooey89 Sat 05-Nov-16 19:53:09

I have called out of hours SS (at 5pm) abd waiting for a callback. Not holding my breath!

Lunar1 Sat 05-Nov-16 19:59:02

I hope ss can help you, will you stop contact till court now?

Mooey89 Sat 05-Nov-16 20:03:56

I think so Lunar. Will see what my solicitor says obviously. If he organises a contact centre, that's fine. But certainly no more unsupervised until there's a court order I think. He will just do this every time, I have no doubt about that.

honeysucklejasmine Sat 05-Nov-16 20:17:53

Oh, how stressful. It's just awful, how some men turn in to such egomaniacal twats when you split with them.

pipsqueak25 Sat 05-Nov-16 20:19:53

if he wants to mess about fight fire with fire, but don't get drawn into his stupid games, this sounds like a control thing rather than wanting extra time with ds, imo it was probably planned as a 'punishment' for the solicitors letter

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 05-Nov-16 20:28:18

It definitely sounds like planned revenge for the letter. Stay strong and don't let him win by engaging. Your poor ds being used as a pawn. Good luck with ss. flowers

PoldarksBreeches Sat 05-Nov-16 20:28:20

Really don't bother with out of hours social services! They are dealing with emergencies. This is not one. I get that it's awful and you absolutely should cease contact after this but social services can do nothing so don't bother them.

MummyToOneGirl Sat 05-Nov-16 20:34:57

Oh how awful for you. I was told that as my DD's dad is on the birth certificate and has equal parental responsibility, that he could in theory keep her at his house and not return her. However I was told that as I was the main carer, that I could immediately apply for a court order for him to return her to me. I think you need to speak to a solicitor first thing on Monday. I'm going through a court case at the moment with my ex trying to prevent me moving up north and it's a nightmare. I really feel for him, but as you are your child's main carer he absolutely must return him to you.

Skylander01 Sat 05-Nov-16 20:35:38

Cant you report him for kidnapping your child?

MummyToOneGirl Sat 05-Nov-16 20:36:06

I should have said 'I really feel for YOU' not 'him'!

Mummyamy123 Sat 05-Nov-16 20:36:25

Don't rise to it, don't text him going crazy tonight.
Screenshot his messages and email them to yourself just in case your phone breaks or anything.
Hope your DS is unaware he is being used as a pawn by his father, and is having a great adventure.
Call your solicitor on Monday, also call 111 and see if they can log it or anything.
Do not let him take your son again.
Best of luck in this horrible situation!

BratFarrarsPony Sat 05-Nov-16 20:37:02

" Cant you report him for kidnapping your child? "

not if he has parental responsibility, no.

Glowbug59 Sat 05-Nov-16 21:01:06

101 for police non emergency, not 111 X

MummyToOneGirl Sat 05-Nov-16 21:05:27

Unfortunately, if the Dad's name is on the birth certificate, he has equal parental responsibility and it may not be considered kidnapping. However, if the agreement is that your son is returned at 4pm on a Sat, then I definitely think it is worth contacting the Police. It will not look good for him when he goes to court. Do you have anything in writing on the current child arrangements?

PoldarksBreeches Sat 05-Nov-16 21:06:49

Don't cal the police either.
He has the right in the law to keep his son overnight unless you have a court order specifying contact. So get one.

MummyToOneGirl Sat 05-Nov-16 21:08:52

I disagree with Poldark. I still think it is worth contacting the Police if the agreement has always been that he returns your son by 4pm. At least then, you have it on record.

BratFarrarsPony Sat 05-Nov-16 21:10:08

no Mummy you are wrong , the police would not be interested.

onmybroomstick Sat 05-Nov-16 21:11:24

I too would have something on record. Hope you are ok flowers

PoldarksBreeches Sat 05-Nov-16 21:12:49

Honestly, there is no point. The police can do nothing, no crime is being committed.
'Logging it' is really not a thing the police do. When the op stops contact and the dad applies to court the op has text messages evidencing what the dad has done. No need to 'log' it with the overstretched police force or out of hours children's services.

mygorgeousmilo Sat 05-Nov-16 21:14:37

Agree with PP say very little, get him back tomorrow. Then get a court order and contact CMS as soon as is humanly possible. Clearly, this can't be one of those lovely and amicable situations that some people seem to have with ex DPs. No money is unacceptable. As punishment?! Unacceptable.

Mooey89 Sat 05-Nov-16 21:14:42

Solicitor has advised to log anything like this with the police, get an incident number, even when there's nothing to be done.

This I think is partly to show the court that it is actually a concern and the impact of it rather than just the event iyswim.

Mooey89 Sat 05-Nov-16 21:15:51

Only just realised that my thread title makes no sense!

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