To try and cut a long story short my DM and DF don't get along with my DP.
It's a very complicated situation but without going into it both sides are blaming the other for something that went really wrong. But at the end of the day my DP is the one having to deal with the ramifications and will continue to do so for years to come. I'm not taking sides here but as I live with my DP It feels like my parents (read DM) assumes I'm on DPs side.
Please note my parents are in their mid 40s so not old.
Anyway I live about 30 mins away from my parents and struggle to get there ATM as I'm out in the middle of nowhere and the buses are only here a few times a day and until I get my first pay check from my new job I can't afford to insure my car.
I've been unable to see my parents for about 3 weeks now (I usually go over every week) as I've struggled to find my way there, up to recently I've usually managed to get a lift from in laws or my DM or DF would pick me up but they're all quite busy now.
Recently as DP changed jobs (he's semi-self employed it's complicated) and we have decided to stay more organised DP said we should set a day in the week when I go and see them and then they can drop DS home to DP in the evening as I go to work evenings so won't be there.
DP has said that the best day for me to go over is Wednesday, we want to spend weekends together As a family and Monday's and Friday's he's able to finish work earlier and he'd like to spend those late afternoons with our DS as due to previous work commitments he has never been able to spend much time with him when he was a baby (he's 2 years now).
I've spoken to my parents who said Wednesday is no good for them as they're usually busy, they are self employed my DF usually works ft and my DM helps out a couple of days a week and my DP was hoping they would be able to adjust their days to be able to accommodate the one day a week to see DS as they don't have a schedule or a rota as such and they usually go from week to week. And they are very pushy to see DS.
So my DM is now pulling the guilt trip saying they are being pushed aside and their needs are not being considered as she has specifically stated Wednesdays are no good and that we are stopping them from seeing their DGS. And she's also saying how they're not getting to see me , their DC, either.
I've spoken to my DP and asked him about a different day as I'm quite easy going as I work afternoons he said Wednesday's or Monday's but they'd have to drop DS off around 4.30/5 ( if Wednesday's they can drop off at 6/7) as he wants some time with DS Monday afternoon.
He's not keen to discuss the situation as he feels that in the past we have tried to accommodate everyone else around us and not took care of our own needs and due to our current difficult financial situation he wants to just focus on us 3 and work to get us in a better situation.
I'm slightly concerned that if speak to my DM tomorrow and say either Wed or Mon she'll say Monday's no good either and demand Friday's or something and kick off again like she did at me over the phone today.
Who is BU here my DP for wanting to see DS Mon and Fri afternoons on his own (and obviously we have weekends together) or my DM who's saying they can't adjust their flexible days to see DS on the 2 days we suggested? I feel really stuck and confused and I don't know what to think
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71 replies
twocultures · 23/10/2016 20:38
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