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DH refusing to come to a christening with me

(62 Posts)
MoveItMoveItMoveIt Sat 22-Oct-16 20:46:17

Is anyone else's partner difficult when it comes to attending social occasions with you? To be clear my DH is very very sociable when it's his friends and family. When it's mine it's a different story. He's generally fine with my family but not as forthcoming as I would like. We live in the same town as his family where he grew up. Mine live hundreds of miles away. When they visit he always says he will join us "if I'm not busy". I think that's just a way of not committing. He always comes along in the end but there's a battle beforehand where I try and get him to say that yes he will actually come.

The latest is my best friend had a baby not so long ago. She lives in the town where I'm from. He said " I suppose this means another christening then?" I said yes it does and he said " please don't make me go!" Reasons are petty IMO he didn't like the food at the last one etc. I've told him its half a day and he should come. I go to any event with him and they're not all five star glamour not that I give a fig! I've told him these people are my closest friends they mean a lot to me and I want him to come. He's saying "we can talk about it nearer the time." I feel like telling him to get stuffed and telling him he's not invited anymore but I don't think he would feel guilty he just wouldn't come.

And my friends all make an effort and are very welcoming and as I say he is the most sociable person I know.

AIBU to make him (not that I can but I could put pressure on) come to this event?

MoveItMoveItMoveIt Sat 22-Oct-16 20:47:51

I should say my parents probably visit once maybe twice a year and have always been so good to him and we visit them together probably twice a year (I go alone other times).

NavyandWhite Sat 22-Oct-16 20:48:56

I hate christenings so I can't blame him.

I don't think you can make him go either.

catgirl1976 Sat 22-Oct-16 20:49:11

Would you not have a better time without the miserable arse?

Make a weekend of it, catch up with old friends and enjoy yourself. Maybe make a regular thing of doing stuff like that too. He sounds selfish.

Whatsername17 Sat 22-Oct-16 20:50:12

HIBU. Massively. Tell him you are a couple and these type of family events are the sort of thing that you need your partner to have your back on.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 22-Oct-16 20:50:31

He should go to support you.

Everyone does stuff they don't want to, to support their other half. Don't they?

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sat 22-Oct-16 20:51:15

Hmm. Will he have an actual conversation with you about it?

Is it the journey? Is he shy around new people? Is he worried about expectations?

If he's just being a dick, I don't know if I'd want to be with him. If he wasn't already DH it would put me off - as he is, I'd just stop inviting him to anything. It's really quite self important to say "I'll see if I'm free"... he'll come if there's no better offer?

Bubblegum18 Sat 22-Oct-16 20:51:46

I'm due to have my sons christening tomorrow and my close friends godmother I would love nothing more than if her DH didn't come he's an utter arsehole but unfortunately I have to suck it for my friendship. Is he well behaved at these social events? I ask as my friend has a chore getting her DH to come and as a result his behaviour is not the best. If that's the case I would just go solo.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Sat 22-Oct-16 20:52:08

I'd go on my own. Rather have a good time than have misery personified hanging around my neck.

pictish Sat 22-Oct-16 20:52:32

Hmm...I think it's ok to duck out of a christening...particularly if you are not religious yourself. No idea if he is or isn't btw...but I've been invited to couple and didn't attend. I'm an atheist so feel it would be inappropriate. I bought gifts though and made enthusiastic noises after the event.

All you have to do is say he's busy. Go on your own.

Monkendrunky Sat 22-Oct-16 20:52:58

I live with one of these. It's not fair, but you're unlikely to change him. Depends how much it winds you up I suppose! You can't make him go, but it speaks volumes that he doesn't care enough to support you on something that is not a big deal for him and means a lot to you

JockTamsonsBairns Sat 22-Oct-16 20:53:06

Why would someone need 'support' to attend their friend's dc's christening though? Genuine question.

MoveItMoveItMoveIt Sat 22-Oct-16 20:53:08

Bubblegum he's generally well behaved when he's there although he is very outspoken that's just the way he's always been. He has always been nice to my friends to their faces anyway.

Pickanameanyoldname Sat 22-Oct-16 20:55:00

"He always comes in the end"

I think he enjoys it - you fretting, asking, cajoling, arguing, begging him to come along, keeping you hanging until the last minute until he decides he'll be gracing you with his presence.

Try just saying "no problem, I'll probably enjoy it more if you're not there anyway" and don't mention it again.

GirlOverboard Sat 22-Oct-16 20:55:15

I don't blame him. A journey of hundreds of miles to attend his wife's best friend's baby's christening? I wouldn't do it. If they were a close friend or if they were nearer it would be a different story.

NavyandWhite Sat 22-Oct-16 20:55:49

DH and I support each other hugely.

But as christenings go we both hate them. We would both attend our own friend's individually.

GirlOverboard Sat 22-Oct-16 20:56:59

That should read 'if they were close family'.

honeyroar Sat 22-Oct-16 20:57:21

It's not really the point whether OP would have a better time without him or not, it's that he isn't supporting her or making any effort with her family, despite her having moved away from her family and family and being a part of his life and family.

My ex was a bit like that (probably not even as bad!). In the end we split up and I'm now with someone who supports me and is part of the team with me. I don't miss my ex and the guilt for asking him to fit into my world a bit.

He is taking you a little for granted and acting as though being part of your life/family is a nuisance. Try and tell him this calmly when you're not wound up, and get across to him that it's upsetting you and may even become a deal breaker one day.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 22-Oct-16 20:57:39

Jock because it's nice to go as a couple when it's a social occasion and everyone will be there. That is, everyone unless they're an anti social arse like the ops oh. Genuine reply .

MoveItMoveItMoveIt Sat 22-Oct-16 20:59:06


I always make an effort for him and as we live closer to (think virtually on top of) his friends and family I am always attending events with him which I'd rather not be at but he would like me to go to.

As my family and friends live so much further away these events are very rare and I'm not asking him to get on a train and go every month is more like 2-3 times a year. I don't think that's a particularly big ask? The christening will be a couple of hours and then it will be a nice meal somewhere and a walk in the countryside.

Gatehouse77 Sat 22-Oct-16 20:59:25

I would accept that's the way it is. Inform him of any events and enjoy them whether he's there or not. And the same goes for you. Go along to the ones you will enjoy.

You can't change him but you can change how you feel about it and how you react. Shrug your shoulders, accept his answer and plan for it just being you. If he comes along, willingly, then it's a bonus!

BackforGood Sat 22-Oct-16 21:00:31

I'd just go without him too.
I'd like it if my dh wanted to come to social occasions, but, for those he doesn't want to, I'd just as soon go on my own than try and make him come with me when he doesn't want to be there.

Nurszilla Sat 22-Oct-16 21:00:33

I have terrible social anxiety and fret for the weeks leading up to and the weeks after an event. However I still force myself to go because if it's important to DH it's important to me.

Bountybarsyuk Sat 22-Oct-16 21:00:45

I think pick has it! Just say you are going alone and don't mention it again, and go. I'm betting he'll want to in the end.

I would hate this though. I'm amazed on MN that couples don't attend weddings, funerals, christenings, significant birthdays together, in my social circle, people go as a couple to big events, less so for parties and divide and conquer at children's parties. I don't think it's too much to ask my husband to stand by my side at big events once or twice a year, I do for him, he does for me. What is on the buffet or whether we'll actually enjoy it doesn't come into it, that's what being a partner is in life to me, he comes when he knows it matters to me.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 22-Oct-16 21:03:07

Yes I agree Bounty

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