To feel bullied

(33 Posts)
redchick33 Thu 13-Oct-16 20:44:46

I'm a assistant at a primary school, I've worked there almost 5 months.

I have had lots of problems with year 6 boys. I seem to be the only member of staff trying to implement rules therefore I am seen as the bad one. Pupils hate me and colleagues laugh because they know we have no control. But hey I'm not there to make friends just to keep everyone safe. The head etc do assemblies but it doesn't register and the staff don't work together.

I regularly get sly and sarcastic comments from these boys, they are basically taking the piss! They have started singing the 'I'm a barbie girl' song when I 'tell them off'. I am always polite and respectful. One of the boys made a complaint about me which was a complete lie. I was accused of calling a special needs child 'a stupid little idiot ' just 2 days after I reported them for treating him as their puppet! Unfortunately I felt accused by the head who had to take it seriously. I've heard nothing since. But feel disappointed that she thought I might actually of said that. Im still not convinced she believes me. I'm also being alienated by another staff member (for no reason) who I think (but can't prove) put the yr6 boy up to making this up. She also tried to paint me badly. She has a child in yr6 which might be why she's protective etc. I can't help feel she has encouraged these yr6's to behave like this. I haven't mentioned anything to anyone because I now have very little faith in the head.

Today the boys crossed a line and bullied my 7yr old! I feel sick. It was made clear to him that it was because of me. I spoke to his teacher and explained that what had happened was because of my recent run ins with yr6. She made the right sounds but I doubt anything will come of it.

The school seriously lacks discipline which is why the pupils show no respect. The pupils play staff off each other and run rings round them. I'm ashamed to feel bullied by these 11yr olds and now my son is because of me. I should do what other staff do stand there, say nothing and go home. Easy life.

How would you expect the school to react to my situation and my 7yr olds situation?

And

What would you do?

monkeywithacowface Thu 13-Oct-16 20:48:45

Resign and put your child in a different school?

VanillaSugarandChristmasSpice Thu 13-Oct-16 20:49:45

Leave.

BolshierAryaStark Thu 13-Oct-16 20:51:57

I'd leave & take my child with me, sounds like an awful school so certainly wouldn't trust them with the education of my own DC.

SoTheySentMeA Thu 13-Oct-16 20:53:03

That sounds truly appaling, your poor DS sad

I'm not in education so don't really have any practical advice to offer but didnt want to read and run. Is there anyone higher than the head that you can take this to? Board of governors? Ousted? The council? Are you a member of a teachers union?

Its not shameful to feel bullied, children can be threatening when they have no respect for authority and no other adults support you in disciplining them. Do whatever you have to to protect yourself and your son. flowers

Aeroflotgirl Thu 13-Oct-16 20:53:20

Sounds horrendous. When I was 22 I was a TA in a similar school senior school. Teenagers can be awful. I resigned soon after, it wasent for me.

redchick33 Thu 13-Oct-16 21:45:06

I've been struggling with the idea of leaving myself but I hate to be beaten by bullies. Also not that keen for my son to stay at such a bad school but I was worried about another disruption as he only started there a year ago. This evening he brought up the idea of moving school himself and was so excited. I'm worried it will teach him to run away from problems. Im still very unimpressed with the school. I'm trying to hold back and not do anything in the heat of the moment and consider our options. It's ofstead report was the best out of the 4 school's we looked at. It goes to show these reports don't show everything.

AIBU to expect an apology from the bully to my son and for his parents to be made aware of the reason behind the bullying?

I won't hold my breath.

As for my situation I'd be happy for it to be taken seriously and investigated but again I won't hold my breath!

redchick33 Thu 13-Oct-16 21:45:21

I've been struggling with the idea of leaving myself but I hate to be beaten by bullies. Also not that keen for my son to stay at such a bad school but I was worried about another disruption as he only started there a year ago. This evening he brought up the idea of moving school himself and was so excited. I'm worried it will teach him to run away from problems. Im still very unimpressed with the school. I'm trying to hold back and not do anything in the heat of the moment and consider our options. It's ofstead report was the best out of the 4 school's we looked at. It goes to show these reports don't show everything.

AIBU to expect an apology from the bully to my son and for his parents to be made aware of the reason behind the bullying?

I won't hold my breath.

As for my situation I'd be happy for it to be taken seriously and investigated but again I won't hold my breath!

Lovewineandchocs Thu 13-Oct-16 21:53:02

Please take your son out of that school. He is only 7, plenty of time for him to learn about not running away from problems. He will always know that you cared enough to remove him from an awful situation. If the school was supportive in any way then maybe I could see the point in you both staying and dealing with it. However, it sounds like they couldn't care less and won't deal with rule breakers and bad behaviour. I'd take your son and leave them to it.

Bluepowder Thu 13-Oct-16 21:56:01

I should have a look round at other schools before deciding. Don't be afraid to make a change if you and your DCs are unhappy. It's not running away, it's going to something better.

elodie2000 Thu 13-Oct-16 22:32:13

It's not running away, it's going to something better.
This ^

YellowCrocus Thu 13-Oct-16 22:33:51

That sounds dreadful. Year 6 can be horrible. Please share all your worries with someone in the SLT, and if they are not listening, document it all and speak to your union. Good luck x

redchick33 Thu 13-Oct-16 22:34:36

Thanks everyone cakeflowers

CauliflowerSqueeze Fri 14-Oct-16 00:12:01

I wouldn't think of it as running away from bullies. I would think of it as leaving an unsupportive school with poor management.

Of course 11 year olds shouldn't be humiliating you and singing in your face without consequences. Staff should be a support to each other.

Leave.

ParForTheCourses Fri 14-Oct-16 07:21:19

Put in a formal complaint and resign. Sadly that school will self destruct itself if staff are turning on each other and not supportive. Get out before you are caught up in that.

redchick33 Fri 14-Oct-16 11:20:22

ParForTheCourses- thanks for the suggestion, which part would I actually formally complain about?

myownprivateidaho Fri 14-Oct-16 11:31:01

Definitely leave. Kids acting out is one thing - but a colleague telling a child to tell a career-threatening lie about you?? That's some next level shit.

Agerbilatemycardigan Fri 14-Oct-16 12:29:20

Like other posters have said - find another job and get the hell away from there.

ParForTheCourses Fri 14-Oct-16 18:27:32

I'd get some advice from your union on specifics but certainly the poor management which has led to this.

redchick33 Fri 14-Oct-16 21:21:31

update

I telephoned my sons teacher after school today as my son was a bit mixed about how the bullying situation had been dealt with. It's a shame they couldn't of told me.

My son and the bully were today sat with a teacher to discuss what happened, basically the bully denied everything. So it's being left there. Apparently he was reminded about how he is expected to behave.

My own situation was not mentioned so I brought it up. I went into the depths and she told me she had written it all down and it will be looked into. I made it very clear that I found yr6's behaviour unacceptable and often condescending. I alluded to the problem I'm having with the member of staff who basically isolates me and pointed out that it is having an affect on the children's behaviour. So we will see how seriously it will be taken.

I visited an alternative school today which I was pleasantly surprised by. I gave very little away because I'm aware that school staff especially head staff often liaise with each other. You can't trust anyone.

redchick33 Sat 15-Oct-16 22:07:18

Feeling super stressed now about the whole thing. Reporting the member of staff who i feel is causing problems isn't going to help the situation is it? I fear it's all going to go very bad.

I'm not great at expressing myself when I'm emotional and I'm dreading having to explain myself again to the head on Monday. I won't know where to start and it's going to look like I'm the mad one! It is all actually driving me mad. I hate situations like this. Any advice about how to explain it all without sounding childish and bonkers?

ParForTheCourses Sun 16-Oct-16 08:32:02

Have you spoken to your union op? They can advise you properly for the whole situation and you can ask a rep to join you in meetings.

In terms of explaining:
Concise bullet points for you to look at
Cite specific incidents dates and witnesses
Take the emotion out until the end then sum up in a sentence or two how this has affected you.

roarfeckingroar Sun 16-Oct-16 09:15:56

These kids are 11. 11! Teaching staff, including TAs, need to have some authority. If you have no control over 11 year olds I think you should probably leave as it won't improve.

woodhill Sun 16-Oct-16 09:36:09

It's difficult when you work in a school and your dc is also there. Could you talk to a union or ring Acas.

When dealing with your dc and teacher try and act like you are another parent and don't work there if you can itms.

Sorry it is so awful for you.

Bluepowder Sun 16-Oct-16 10:05:09

The school sounds unsupportive. I have had incidents where pupils have done their best to completely undermine my authority and I have had to ask for help. I've had it every time. You should get it too. It's really hard sometimes to get respect from pupils as a TA because the relationship is different than with a teacher. They see me cleaning up at lunchtimes and put me in a hierarchy. However, you have to insist, otherwise the system doesn't work.

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