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AIBU?

To feel bullied

32 replies

redchick33 · 13/10/2016 20:44

I'm a assistant at a primary school, I've worked there almost 5 months.

I have had lots of problems with year 6 boys. I seem to be the only member of staff trying to implement rules therefore I am seen as the bad one. Pupils hate me and colleagues laugh because they know we have no control. But hey I'm not there to make friends just to keep everyone safe. The head etc do assemblies but it doesn't register and the staff don't work together.

I regularly get sly and sarcastic comments from these boys, they are basically taking the piss! They have started singing the 'I'm a barbie girl' song when I 'tell them off'. I am always polite and respectful. One of the boys made a complaint about me which was a complete lie. I was accused of calling a special needs child 'a stupid little idiot ' just 2 days after I reported them for treating him as their puppet! Unfortunately I felt accused by the head who had to take it seriously. I've heard nothing since. But feel disappointed that she thought I might actually of said that. Im still not convinced she believes me. I'm also being alienated by another staff member (for no reason) who I think (but can't prove) put the yr6 boy up to making this up. She also tried to paint me badly. She has a child in yr6 which might be why she's protective etc. I can't help feel she has encouraged these yr6's to behave like this. I haven't mentioned anything to anyone because I now have very little faith in the head.

Today the boys crossed a line and bullied my 7yr old! I feel sick. It was made clear to him that it was because of me. I spoke to his teacher and explained that what had happened was because of my recent run ins with yr6. She made the right sounds but I doubt anything will come of it.

The school seriously lacks discipline which is why the pupils show no respect. The pupils play staff off each other and run rings round them. I'm ashamed to feel bullied by these 11yr olds and now my son is because of me. I should do what other staff do stand there, say nothing and go home. Easy life.

How would you expect the school to react to my situation and my 7yr olds situation?

And

What would you do?

OP posts:

Report

lostowl · 16/10/2016 18:09

Make plans to leave with your son. When that's all firmly in place complain to the governors.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 16/10/2016 18:03

"I'd hate to leave because of one person ..."

One person? Which person? You have listed quite a number of people that have contributed to you feeling so upset.

To be clear, it's definitely not a single person that you have run into a problem with. You are complaining about the basic culture of the school. This is not something one, low power (in the school hierarchy) person will ever change.

You don't change culture, you fit in and become part of the specific culture or you don't. And personally, on that situation I'd be out of the door very quickly to find a work / school culture that did fit with my values and work ethic, and one that my son could thrive in.

Finally, I don't get what you are hoping to teach your child or yourself by staying in such a toxic and irreparable culture, except that you maybe fear everywhere and everyone is like this?

My mother refused to let me move schools in spite of awful bullying for years. She decided that IF she moved me and IF the school was also bad at dealing with bullying and IF I was bullied again and IF they didn't deal with it properly ... Then I'd be in exactly the same situation again so there was no point in bothering (!). What that taught me was that I had to stay in awful situations and put up with it when anybody else would have saved themselves from it.

So, my point is, don't do the same as my mother please!

:) good luck

ParForTheCourses · 16/10/2016 17:40

You're welcome redchick. Glad you are feeling a bit more relaxed.

redchick33 · 16/10/2016 16:44

I'm very reluctant to move my child so soon after moving there in the first place. That said he does seem very keen to try another school! If they don't deal with matters of bullying satisfactorily how can I happily send him there each day.

I can afford to leave the job. I actually took it on to meet people and feel like I was useful. How wrong was I?! I do enjoy working with the children and most of the staff. I do think the head is lacking in judgement and authority. I'd hate to leave because of one person and it would be difficult to explain to future employers.

OP posts:

user1471494124 · 16/10/2016 16:16

This sounds an awful situation. Look at the positive though: by working there, you have seen what a poor school it is first hand and can now remove your child from that environment. You may not have known how bad it was otherwise.

Find another job and get your child out of there too. In my experience (I work in secondary), the head only listens to parents, never staff. It's a tricky situation to be in if you ate both if it is not a nice school.

redchick33 · 16/10/2016 16:06

Does anyone know if the school can legally tell me the name of the member of staff who complained about me?

I'm 99% sure I know but I'd hate to be wrong. I feel my situation with her should be considered when the head is actually making accusations.

OP posts:

redchick33 · 16/10/2016 15:50

ParForTheCourses Thank you for your advice. It's actually calmed me down a few notches

OP posts:

SuperFlyHigh · 16/10/2016 10:08

I'd resign and take my child with me too.

Bluepowder · 16/10/2016 10:05

The school sounds unsupportive. I have had incidents where pupils have done their best to completely undermine my authority and I have had to ask for help. I've had it every time. You should get it too. It's really hard sometimes to get respect from pupils as a TA because the relationship is different than with a teacher. They see me cleaning up at lunchtimes and put me in a hierarchy. However, you have to insist, otherwise the system doesn't work.

woodhill · 16/10/2016 09:36

It's difficult when you work in a school and your dc is also there. Could you talk to a union or ring Acas.

When dealing with your dc and teacher try and act like you are another parent and don't work there if you can itms.

Sorry it is so awful for you.

roarfeckingroar · 16/10/2016 09:15

These kids are 11. 11! Teaching staff, including TAs, need to have some authority. If you have no control over 11 year olds I think you should probably leave as it won't improve.

ParForTheCourses · 16/10/2016 08:32

Have you spoken to your union op? They can advise you properly for the whole situation and you can ask a rep to join you in meetings.

In terms of explaining:
Concise bullet points for you to look at
Cite specific incidents dates and witnesses
Take the emotion out until the end then sum up in a sentence or two how this has affected you.

redchick33 · 15/10/2016 22:07

Feeling super stressed now about the whole thing. Reporting the member of staff who i feel is causing problems isn't going to help the situation is it? I fear it's all going to go very bad.

I'm not great at expressing myself when I'm emotional and I'm dreading having to explain myself again to the head on Monday. I won't know where to start and it's going to look like I'm the mad one! It is all actually driving me mad. I hate situations like this. Any advice about how to explain it all without sounding childish and bonkers?

OP posts:

redchick33 · 14/10/2016 21:21

update

I telephoned my sons teacher after school today as my son was a bit mixed about how the bullying situation had been dealt with. It's a shame they couldn't of told me.

My son and the bully were today sat with a teacher to discuss what happened, basically the bully denied everything. So it's being left there. Apparently he was reminded about how he is expected to behave.

My own situation was not mentioned so I brought it up. I went into the depths and she told me she had written it all down and it will be looked into. I made it very clear that I found yr6's behaviour unacceptable and often condescending. I alluded to the problem I'm having with the member of staff who basically isolates me and pointed out that it is having an affect on the children's behaviour. So we will see how seriously it will be taken.

I visited an alternative school today which I was pleasantly surprised by. I gave very little away because I'm aware that school staff especially head staff often liaise with each other. You can't trust anyone.

OP posts:

ParForTheCourses · 14/10/2016 18:27

I'd get some advice from your union on specifics but certainly the poor management which has led to this.

Agerbilatemycardigan · 14/10/2016 12:29

Like other posters have said - find another job and get the hell away from there.

myownprivateidaho · 14/10/2016 11:31

Definitely leave. Kids acting out is one thing - but a colleague telling a child to tell a career-threatening lie about you?? That's some next level shit.

redchick33 · 14/10/2016 11:20

ParForTheCourses- thanks for the suggestion, which part would I actually formally complain about?

OP posts:

ParForTheCourses · 14/10/2016 07:21

Put in a formal complaint and resign. Sadly that school will self destruct itself if staff are turning on each other and not supportive. Get out before you are caught up in that.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 14/10/2016 00:12

I wouldn't think of it as running away from bullies. I would think of it as leaving an unsupportive school with poor management.

Of course 11 year olds shouldn't be humiliating you and singing in your face without consequences. Staff should be a support to each other.

Leave.

redchick33 · 13/10/2016 22:34

Thanks everyone

OP posts:

YellowCrocus · 13/10/2016 22:33

That sounds dreadful. Year 6 can be horrible. Please share all your worries with someone in the SLT, and if they are not listening, document it all and speak to your union. Good luck x

elodie2000 · 13/10/2016 22:32

It's not running away, it's going to something better.
This ^

Bluepowder · 13/10/2016 21:56

I should have a look round at other schools before deciding. Don't be afraid to make a change if you and your DCs are unhappy. It's not running away, it's going to something better.

Lovewineandchocs · 13/10/2016 21:53

Please take your son out of that school. He is only 7, plenty of time for him to learn about not running away from problems. He will always know that you cared enough to remove him from an awful situation. If the school was supportive in any way then maybe I could see the point in you both staying and dealing with it. However, it sounds like they couldn't care less and won't deal with rule breakers and bad behaviour. I'd take your son and leave them to it.

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