To feel uncomfortable when my mother wolf whistles at my DD?

[user1471552005]

Just that really. DD is 16, and is often getting ready for dance class and wearing a leotard or shorts around the house. DM is elderly and will often give her a wolf whistle. She dis it to me as a teenager, and I remember feeling very self concscious. I have asked DD how she feels and she doesn't like it, but doesn't want to mention it to her gran and cause upset.
AIBU to feel it's a bit innapropriate?

Sorry for typos- new phone.

[Enjoyingthepeace]

It's inappropriate because your daughter doesn't like it and feels uncomfortable. Period.

The fact the you felt uncomfortable as a child when your mother did this, and the fact that your daughter has admitted the same feeling to you, really does mean that you must speak with your mother. You just. You will be badly letting your daughter down if you don't.

[sooperdooper]

I would've hated that too, just tell your dm to stop it

[Pineappletastic]

I'd say something. Probably along the lines of 'Mum, can you not? It made me uncomfortable and it makes her uncomfortable.'

Did you ever say anything when she was doing it to you? She probably thinks it's a compliment.

[user1471552005]

Thanks, just interesting to get another perspective.
I have asked DM to stop in the past, but she doesn't think it's a problem. She is 84, , comes from a generation when a wolf whistle was a good thing, she sees it as a compliment.

[user1471552005]

I will speak to her again, she thinks it's all very lightweight. And No at 16 I would not have had the courage to ask her to stop.
I do now, though, for my DDs sake.

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Oh I read this as your wolf who is a mother whistles at your daughter. Confused doesn't come near it. I'll get my coat.

[liz70]

Ewww. I thought it was lecherous uncles that usually did anything like this, which is bad enough, but your own mother/your DD's grandmother? Wrong, wrong, wrong. Tell her to knock it on the head, or stay away.

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

No different to people writing "wit woo" or whatever they write on people's FB photos. Isn't that supposed to be a wolf whistle written down?

That said, if she doesn't like her doing it, she only has to say, and you back her up.

[MrBoot]

My older (by four years) sister would have done this infrequently when I 'dressed up' as a teen. She'd have been in uni at the time do probably the type of thing she and her uni friends did to each other. I know she did it as a form of complimenting me/trying to increase my self confidence .

It never made me uncomfortable but anything that makes anyone uncomfortable should be stopped in its tracks assp. I think you would be doing your daughter a disservice by not firmly stamping it out.

[acasualobserver]

Does she do it really loudly, index and little finger in mouth style?

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

My mum joke wolf whistles to my boys sometimes if they've got new clothes on and trying them for size or sonething. She says "give us a twirl" and they laugh and do it, and she wolf whistles. All very low key, I can't understand the angst really.

[user1471552005]

It's really helpful to get all angles on this.
My mother thinks I am being ridiculous, she feels she is giving a compliment.

[AnnaMarlowe]

Curly but if in 10 years time your boys didn't laugh, and in fact felt uncomfortable and upset by the wolf whistle would you understand the angst then?

[Pineappletastic]

Maybe getting your DD to reply with 'Eww, gran, only dirty perverts wolf-whistle these days!' would have more effect?

I dunno, my DM is 68 and I have an almost constant battle telling her we don't say racist/homophobic/sexist/sizist slurs these days, I'm not letting it go though.

[Evergreen17]

My mum has always done this to me. Hate it. If you can stop it could you please talk to my mum too?

[meowli]

I genuinely don't think that very elderly people grew up with or are aware of the connotations that certain things carry nowadays. It will not have any sexual meaning to your dm - she'd probably be horrified at the thought.

If your dd doesn't like it, can't you just say to your dm that it has a much coarser meaning nowadays, and you'd rather she didn't do it. You could also reassure your dd, that it's her grandma's jokey way of saying "you look lovely".

[liz70]

"I genuinely don't think that very elderly people grew up with or are aware of the connotations that certain things carry nowadays."

My DM (70) wouldn't dream of wolf whistling at my teenaged DDs 1 and 2. Nor would my DF (75), for that matter.

[MolesBreathless]

I genuinely don't think that very elderly people grew up with or are aware of the connotations that certain things carry nowadays

I'm afraid I tend to agree with this. Not all very elderly people, but many of them, and far more than you would find in a younger cohort.

[user1471552005]

meowli- sadly I think it's true.

[Jackie0]

She's 84, I'd let it go to be honest.
Talk to your dd about different generations having different experiences of life.
It's a compassionate thing to make allowances for an 84 year old grandmother.

[user1471552005]

jackie - I think that's why I wanted to hear responses. I am not afraid of coming forward or speaking up to defend my kids, but she is elderly with quite a different mindset.
My OH hates the fact that she does it too, but doesn't think I should mention it to her.

[3BagsFull]

I'm trying and failing to imagine an 84-year-old woman wolf-whistling. It's way too weird.
OP - regardless of her age, I'd ask her to stop.