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To think a 12yo should know better?

(82 Posts)
WibblyWobblyJellyHead Tue 26-Jul-16 17:43:09

I cleaned the whole house this morning, for context.

DD (12) asked if she could do some painting. I said yes, but only in the garden and only if she cleared everything away afterwards. I left her to it and played Lego in the front room wth my 4yo DS for the rest of the afternoon.

I've just gone out to start dinner. Omfg. There is paint all over the patio. She had painted her entire forearms with green paint. Obviously tried to wash it off at some point and completely trashed the bathroom in the process, leaving a half filled painty bath and handprints everywhere. Still has green arms.

She's made 'goo' out of a whole bottle of washing up liquid, most of the salt, a tube of toothpaste and some glue. It's all over the patio table. We now don't have any washing up liquid, toothpaste or much table salt.

She's also papier mached a balloon which she has hung up to dry on the washing line with the clean clothes. There are torn bits of magazine all over the grass. Glue everywhere.

All the painting stuff is strewn around the garden.

I lost my shit and she is now sobbing and petulantly clearing up. She has been incredibly rude to me and DH about the whole thing. I will have to clean the kitchen floor again as she's been in and out with wet bare feet and it's disgusting.

I seriously can't do six more weeks of this shit. AIBU to think by now she should know better? I'd expect this sort of behaviour from a 4yo, not a nearly teen. She'll be in yr8 in September ffs.


feelingmiffed Tue 26-Jul-16 17:44:56

No way

I've got a 12 year old soon to be yr 8 son and I'd go bat shit if he did that!!!!

Groovee Tue 26-Jul-16 17:45:24

I have a 16 year old who is only just grasping the art of doing the dishes after making herself food. Highly intelligent but no common sense.

I would be furious too. I've learned to be calmer but sometimes I want to just wring her neck.

AndNowItsSeven Tue 26-Jul-16 17:46:22

But the mess is outside not on your carpet, I don't see the problem.

amidawish Tue 26-Jul-16 17:46:46

i'd go apeshit.
she is not 5

WibblyWobblyJellyHead Tue 26-Jul-16 17:46:47

The mess is all over the kitchen as well! The kitchen leads out to the garden.

WibblyWobblyJellyHead Tue 26-Jul-16 17:46:52

And the bathroom!

BITCAT Tue 26-Jul-16 17:48:07

I would be livid. As someone who struggles with Ocd my kids now know what not to do.
Although at 12 I would have thought she would be able to clean up after herself. Yanbu to expect her to clean up after herself but then she is still a child and unfortunately they do have a habit of making a mess. Something I struggle with everyday. So I understand your frustration.

LegoCaltrops Tue 26-Jul-16 17:48:36

YANBU. She should be doing all the cleaning up after this - consequences. Hopefully it will stick in her mind how much of a hassle it is, & won't do it again.

MouldyPeach Tue 26-Jul-16 17:50:13

I wouldn't have left my 12 year old to it with no guidance, you should have given her a clear idea of what sh could and couldn't do and maybe checked in on her to see how it was going a few times.

CurlyhairedAssassin Tue 26-Jul-16 17:52:21

Could it be that she was jealous of you spending all afternoon doing things with your son and not her?

minifingerz Tue 26-Jul-16 17:52:48

My sweet, dreamy 12 year old ds would do exactly the same and look utterly baffled at my anger.

My 11 year old ds would do all that and worse because he'd probably try to rig up an explosion at the end.

DelphiniumBlue Tue 26-Jul-16 17:53:19

The rule here is no painting without supervision. The clearing up also needs supervision. For context, DS3 is 15, so I understand what you are feeling!
If you can't supervise, don't allow painting, but I would have thought the 4 year old might enjoy it.
I agree that anyone would think a teenager could deal with paint and its after effects, but lots of them can't, they can't anticipate the mess, or understand how to clean it up without making worse.
Fwiw, I have 7 year olds in my class who can clean up after painting as efficiently as me, but my own teenage son can't hold a paintbrush without getting it everywhere. I feel your pain.

WibblyWobblyJellyHead Tue 26-Jul-16 17:53:53

I've told her a thousand times not to take stuff without asking (the toothpaste etc). She KNOWS.

And i didn't think I'd have to tell her not to paint her fucking arms. She's not three.

The rest of the mess just shows a complete lack of respect for me, and the house.

CurlyhairedAssassin Tue 26-Jul-16 17:54:09

And you didn't notice that she was running a bath? I'm betting that it's an attention-seeking thing, as it doesn't sound like you were getting involved in what she was doing at all.

Muskey Tue 26-Jul-16 17:55:24

If it's any consolation dd and her friend both 12 decided to paint a sheet. I gave them an old sheet. I left them to it. They have managed to get paint on every plant in the garden. The patio looks like psychalldelict vomit. The bathroom and kitchen looked like a multicoloured bomb has gone off. I was just grateful it washed off the kitchen floor and bathroom.

WibblyWobblyJellyHead Tue 26-Jul-16 17:56:25

I was in the front room with DS. The bathroom is the other side of the house and upstairs so no, I didn't know she'd run a bath. It wasn't a full bath, she'd just filled it to presumably soak her arms in.

I spent all morning baking with her yesterday and she's been out with her friends all morning today. She's not starved for attention.

PersianCatLady Tue 26-Jul-16 17:56:34

This is a tough one.

Did you not check on her at any point all afternoon to see what she was doing or did you just assume that the fact she was quiet was a good sign?

Either way I think you need to tell her that in future you need her to do painting on a plastic decorating sheet or old bed sheet and not to bring the mess indoors.

But for now I would insist that she helps you to clear up all of the mess that way she might realise just how much work is involved.

Sirzy Tue 26-Jul-16 17:56:46

How long was she unsupervised tnough? Mess like that doesn't just happen!

AliceTheCamelHasNoHumps Tue 26-Jul-16 17:57:15

That's a long time without any of your attention, even 12 year olds like a bit of interaction/guidance now and then. In all honesty there's no way my 12 yr old would get up to all of that without me noticing.

WibblyWobblyJellyHead Tue 26-Jul-16 17:58:03

I checked on her about half an hour in and she was merrily painting away. I then left her to it. Big mistake.

MouldyPeach Tue 26-Jul-16 17:58:58

If you feel you wouldn't usually have to tell her these things it sounds like she was craving attention. Don't get me wrong, my 12 year old annoys the shit out of me every day but I remind myself she is 12 and not a little adult and certainly not being malicious, not in the way an adult would. Try not to be so hard on her.

VoldysGoneMouldy Tue 26-Jul-16 17:59:30

YANBU. I'd have lost my shit.

hotdiggedy Tue 26-Jul-16 18:01:22

Sounds like an odd thing for a 12 year old to do. Mine have never done anything like that. When I was younger I went through a little phase of wanting to be George (Marvelous Medicine) and mixed some old medicine we had in brown and clear bottles in the bathroom cupboard but I never made any mess.

dontpokethebear Tue 26-Jul-16 18:03:09

Only on MN could it be your fault for not paying your daughter any attention hmm
At 12 i would expect her to be able to clean up after herself, or at least come to you and ask for help! Is she quite young for her age?

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