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AIBU to be upset with my MIL for using one of my photos as her FB profile without asking?

(74 Posts)
NinaMama Thu 21-Jul-16 02:51:45

I send my family and my husband's regular photo updates of our kids. I am not friends with my MIL on FB but she has just sent me a friend request after taking a tender picture of my 3 kids and putting it as her profile picture without asking. Am fuming and I'm sure DH will not see the issue so can't bring it up with him. I've sent my MIL an email asking her to change it and offering to take one of her with the kids when she visits in a few weeks. AIBU to be so upset?

icklekid Thu 21-Jul-16 02:53:47

If your happy for your kids to be in her profile pic I don't understand why you would be upset at all let alone fuming? Is it because you want her to ask permission or because it is your picture?

Katinkka Thu 21-Jul-16 02:59:44

Total non issue. Do not see the problem at all here. Your poor MIL!

Marilynsbigsister Thu 21-Jul-16 03:16:27

Sorry, you need to get a grip. I feel bad for your MIL. I would have more sympathy if you had a fundamental objection to your children's faces being on social media but this is clearly not the case, it looks like it's purely you picking a fight with mil for the sake of it.

MrsDrSpencerReid Thu 21-Jul-16 03:21:11

My MIL always uses my photos as her FB profile and cover photos.

She usually makes a collage of photos of all her grandkids, taken from mine and all my SIL's FB profiles.

Never occurred to me to be upset, she's just a proud nan showing off her grandkids smile

I think YABU, sorry.

Longlost10 Thu 21-Jul-16 03:25:23

she took the picture? Then it is hers

You took the picture? Then you should be flattered by this compliment to your photography skills

non issue.

I'm sure DH will not see the issue so can't bring it up with him

here is your clue that it is a non issue, and you already know that!

sykadelic Thu 21-Jul-16 03:25:26

There are always 2 sides of this argument:
1. I have no issues with people sharing my kids photos and I share other people's kids photos. People who care are control freaks.
2. No photos of my kids FB unless you ask for permission. Always asks for permission from other people. People who do it think they're entitled and they're rude

I'm #2 personally. I also make this very very clear. My in-laws tend to be #1.

So, you called the photos a "tender" photo, which made me wonder what it is and whether it's more than just a photo of your kids heads. You are not unreasonable for requesting she not share photos on social media. It doesn't matter why, they are not the parents and they have no rights to your children's images.

I suggest you tread lightly if this is the first time it's happened and say something like "I noticed you had a photo of the kids as your profile photo. I must have forgotten to tell you that we don't want photos of the kids on social media so if you could take it down we'd appreciate it". If they disagree or react poorly then you can always follow it up with, "if you can't take our request seriously unfortunately I won't be able to send you any more photos".

And the end result is reporting the photos to FB will get the photos removed.

puglife15 Thu 21-Jul-16 03:39:12

Yabu to want her to change it because it's 'yours'

Yanbu to want her to change it if you don't want pics of your DC publicly available on Facebook. Assuming her profile photo is visible to all.

waitingforsomething Thu 21-Jul-16 04:27:37

You don't mind the picture being of your kids but you do mind if it's your picture? That's ridiculous.
My parents and my PILS both do this, they're just proud of their grandchildren. Unless I've misunderstood this YABU

BitOutOfPractice Thu 21-Jul-16 04:30:51

First what's a tender picture?

Second, you're happy for her TI have a pic with your kids in for her profile pic, but not this one? Why?

I think "fuming" is a bit of an overreaction either way

Tootsiepops Thu 21-Jul-16 04:52:33


Do you not like your mil?

Cosmo111 Thu 21-Jul-16 05:53:46

What's the difference in her putting the pic of the three kids and one with her in it? You sound like your looking for a fight

branofthemist Thu 21-Jul-16 06:05:44

I don't see the issue either.

Is it simply because it's 'your' picture?

Surely any picture you will take is yours, in that case?

tofutti Thu 21-Jul-16 06:06:09

I think the key word here is 'tender'.

I think the pic is special to OP and not one she wants to share on social media.

OP, has she asked you before using a pic before? Do you use your kids' pic on your fb profile?

OiWithThePoodlesAlready Thu 21-Jul-16 06:08:07

I'm totally failing to see the issue. It wouldn't bother me at all. In fact I think my mum has a picture I took as her profile picture and I haven't thought twice about it.

I can't believe you emailed her asking her to change it grin

VioletBam Thu 21-Jul-16 06:14:36

My MIL has one of my kids which I sent her as her FB profile. WHat's the problem? confused Unless you NEVER have pics of your kids on social media of course.

MollyTwo Thu 21-Jul-16 06:16:19

Fuming? Get a grip. No wonder your DH won't see the issue, he probably just thinks you are being ridiculous which you are.

DoveBlue Thu 21-Jul-16 06:24:02

I'm ok with pictures of my kids on fb however neither my husband nor I ever have them as profile or cover photo as those are public. I would not want others to use as profile picture but would be happy to share on their wall.
It's hard to say if YABU because you've not really said why you don't want it.

DustOffYourHighestHopes Thu 21-Jul-16 06:27:23


Clandestino Thu 21-Jul-16 06:32:06

Are they her Grandchildren? Do you feel like she loves them?
You're BU. I wouldn't begrudge my Father for posting my DD's picture and I'm not on particularly good terms with him. But his relationship with DD is a different story.

insancerre Thu 21-Jul-16 06:36:12

You do not own your children
You do not own their images unless you take the photo
If you send other people photos then you are giving them ownership of those images

What is a tender photo?

ApostrophesMatter Thu 21-Jul-16 06:40:10


And spiteful.

sandgrown Thu 21-Jul-16 06:47:18

Once you post a picture on Facebook it is no longer yours or hers . It belongs to Facebook. I think you are harsh if you do not mind pictures of your children on there anyway . Why spoil your relationship with a proud grandma.

MonkeyPJs Thu 21-Jul-16 07:02:15

I have a suspicion this is the sort of thing that would only bother you if you already didn't like your MIL ... ?

PotteringAlong Thu 21-Jul-16 07:04:41

Do you have pictures of your children on Facebook? If so yabu

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