To be cross with DH about the state of the house?

(23 Posts)
BlackberryGrumble Tue 19-Jul-16 09:26:14

DH has always had a habit of starting lots of DIY jobs and leaving them unfinished, so basically we live permanantly in a tip and I am fucking sick of it! He refuses to get anyone in to do or to finish these jobs and gets pissed off with me if I even suggest it.

He is currently in a bad mood with me because I have said unless he finishes all the jobs he has started within the next month I will be getting decorators/tilers/builders in to finish it all. We can easily afford this, he just wants everything to be on his terms.

Doing it all myself is not an option; I have many strengths but DIY is not one of them. I work full time, do the majority of stuff in the house and with the DC myself, look after my disabled mum, and have neither the time of inclination to start painting or tiling.

And please no one say "At least he does DIY" or that I should be grateful because starting lots of little jobs and leaving them unfinished is far worse than doing no DIY at all, believe me.

Euphemia Tue 19-Jul-16 09:27:53

YANBU! Why does he start things and never finish them?! How maddening.

MollyTwo Tue 19-Jul-16 09:28:26

Yanbu, let him be pissed off. Why should you live in a state of chaos just because he is too stubborn. If you can afford it, do it. At least you will know there's a definite deadline and it will be professionally done.

BlackberryGrumble Tue 19-Jul-16 09:29:48

I just don't know why he does it, Euphemia but it's driving me round the twist.

At the moment we have a living room with walls that he prepared for painting and stripped wallpaper from about 6 months ago, a half finished wood floor that he started laying, and crap everywhere that he moved downstairs from a bedroom because he wanted to paint the bedroom (he hasn't painted it)

Tralala33 Tue 19-Jul-16 09:30:24

This would drive me crazy. I would do the same as you. He won't finish all the jobs off in the month of course. Looking forward to a thread next month "Aibu? Hired a builder to finish off husbands DIY attempts and now he won't speak to me."

RNBrie Tue 19-Jul-16 09:30:36

Yanbu. I'd start getting quotes from people now if I were you. That way he will know you're serious and as soon as the month is up you can have someone lined up to start.

Euphemia Tue 19-Jul-16 09:30:37

Get tradespeople in! He's had plenty time.

skatesection Tue 19-Jul-16 09:32:57

I'm in the same position. It is so frustrating.

Just get the tradesmen in, if you can afford it. Your blood pressure will thank you.

CantChoose Tue 19-Jul-16 09:33:11

My OH tends to finish the job but leaves all the tools behind for the fairies to put away... For months as I'm too lazy stubborn to put them away myself.
Should add that I always do useful household stuff while he DIYs so don't think I should tidy up after him as some kind of thank you gesture...

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Tue 19-Jul-16 09:38:07

Get someone in and finish them all.

Then in future, when he starts DIY job 2, ask can he finish DIY job 1 first!

BlackberryGrumble Tue 19-Jul-16 09:40:30

He gets cross at any mention of finishing the old jobs.

Euphemia Tue 19-Jul-16 09:44:02

Why? What reason does he give for not finishing?

BorpBorpBorp Tue 19-Jul-16 09:45:38

I don't have any advice, but I'm the same re not finishing jobs. Every room in my house is almost completely painted, but not quite blush

ShebaShimmyShake Tue 19-Jul-16 09:53:14

I wish my mother had done this rather than letting Dad force us all to spend years living in a house that looked like it had been wrecked by fire and flood. You are definitely not being unreasonable. You're a saint for giving him a month to get it all in order.

TheWernethWife Tue 19-Jul-16 09:54:38

He gets cross - diddums, poor baby. Tell the fucker to grow up and provide his wife and children with a decent house to live in. This must be a control thing, he knows it upsets you but still continues to do it.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Tue 19-Jul-16 10:29:10

Definitely set a deadline and then get the relevant people in to complete anything that isn't finished.

Why does he start one job while he's still in the middle of one? Why empty a bedroom to paint it while the lounge is still stripped ready to be done? confused

It would drive me mad too OP.

MermaidTears Tue 19-Jul-16 10:32:15

Wow op you have far more patience than me..from what you describe I'd find miserable and I'd have paid someone along time ago!

KittiesInsane Tue 19-Jul-16 10:40:40

It's not a question of 'providing a decent house for his wife and children to live in', though, is it? It's a question of 'stopping actively blocking his wife from making the house decent'.

Sod him. Get the quotes in.

MatildaTheCat Tue 19-Jul-16 10:47:37

He sounds like an idiot, sorry. You do not need his permission to get the work done properly professionally, just tell him he has one month to finish everything and get the quotes in the meantime.

YANBU, I could not stand this.

lacktoastandtolerance Tue 19-Jul-16 11:01:46

"I'm phoning the decorator on August 5th to get a quote for the hall."

"I'm phoning the plumber on August 10th to get a quote for the bathroom."

Make sure you follow-through. He'll get the message.

If you want to give him a chance then ask him to give you a date when he will complete a specific job (not all jobs, just one). Then if it's not done, book someone in the next day.

Maybe mention how unattractive a sulking adult is. Then go for a Mumsnet spa day wink

NarcyCow Tue 19-Jul-16 11:24:22

YANBU. DH does this too and it drives me nuts. We're moving house shortly and I've told him he's not doing anything more complicated than hanging pictures in the new house - anything more than that will be done by a professional so it actually gets finished.

Thankfully he agreed. I think he's secretly relieved not to have to do it.

ShotsFired Tue 19-Jul-16 12:03:40

I'd look at the short term pain of him sulking about you getting experts in as a tiny price to pay for having the long term happiness of a finished house.

He'll probably get over his mardy strop faster when he sees how nice everything is!

SheSparkles Tue 19-Jul-16 12:19:06

That would drive me nuts -you are definitely not BU! I'd start getting prices now-we do all the painting etc ourselves because we can't really afford To get someone in, but if I could I'd be right on the phone arranging it!

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