To be furious with DH

[porridge90]

My husband never really goes out, neither do I. He works nights so we get very little time together so we tend to spend time together whenever he gets free time.

I was scheduled to do a Race For Life this morning at 10:30, it has been booked for around 4 months. Hubby told me a few weeks ago he was going out for the day and then out on a night out with some work colleagues. He was going to drive me to the place where I do my run (I don't drive) and watch our 2 year old DD whilst I ran. I told him he needed to have sobered up so he could legally drive by 9am the day after his night out.

That was yesterday. He got in at 2:30am an absolute mess. He woke me up being ridiculous (after spending £60 on a taxi home I'd like to add). By 7am he woke up again (I had already got up with DD at 6am) and was still pretty pissed. I knew at this point there was no way he was going to be in a fit state to drive me or look after DD for my run, so I had to cancel as I had no other way of getting there and no one else to babysit.

He has been sick a few times and is feeling really sorry for himself. I have completely lost my shit with him. I'm furious. AIBU?

I know he doesn't go out much, but he KNEW I had this run. Why not just not drink so much? Or stop drinking at a reasonable time? He could have still gone out and had a good time! Now I have had to cancel the run ive had booked for 4 months and I am sat downstairs looking after our DD absolutely seething with him.

[mathsenglishscience]

YANBU.

[RubbleBubble00]

Your both unreasonable. Why on earth did either of u think he would be fit to drive after a day and night on the lash esp when he doesn't usually go out

[user1467491951]

Without a doubt, my bags would've been in the front garden if I'd pulled that with my ExW.

Probably on fire.

[porridge90]

Naïve perhaps yes RubbleBubble. It wasn't supposed to be a night 'on the lash'. He told me that everyone had stuff on on the Sunday morning so it wasn't going to be a heavy night. He had a day out paintballing and then was going to a nice restaurant and the pub next door. It wasn't clubbing or anything like that from what we both discussed. IMO he should have just not drank so much or stopped drinking much earlier.

[ChicRock]

YANBU.

He'd been out all day, he should have stopped drinking in the early evening and got himself home.

[Farmmummy]

Nope think I would be teaching Dd to dance to Metallica turned up very loud! (Never having actually listened to Metallica they're probably not appropriate for a 2 year old but you know what I mean )

[porridge90]

The thing that tipped me over the edge was when I went in to bollock him about me having to cancel my run at 7am, and he was still drunk and telling me to 'come over here' and getting a bit frisky. I told him to go 'F* himself'. Probably a bit of an overreaction I should apologise for, but I just saw red!

[RedHelenB]

I would have got a taxi and left dd with him. So you are being a bit unreasonable.

[molyholy]

Wow. Yanbu. I would be fuming!!!!!

[Sparkletastic]

What a twat. YANBU

[porridge90]

RedHelenB - would you not be a bit concerned about his capabilities to look after her when he is still drunk/hungover? At 2 years old, you need eyes on them every second and reactions like a ninja.

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

I think it was a tiny bit optimistic to expect him to be up and responsible after a whole day and night out. I could have seen this coming from a mile off.

Still, you are perfectly entitled to be absolutely raging with him. Keep your powder dry and have it out with him when he's in a fit state to get the hair-dryer treatment from you. There's no need to waste a decent opportunity.

[DoreenLethal]

I told him to go 'F himself'. Probably a bit of an overreaction I should apologise for, *

No - please don't apologise. I would also have got a taxi and left him to it.

He knew what he was doing - which was fucking up your enjoyment of life.

So - what are you going to do about it?

[Birdsgottafly]

It's total disrespect.

He didn't think that you doing the run, or looking after his DD was as important as throwing ale down his neck.

I've been a big drinker and my nights out regularly didn't end until 5am, up until my early 40's.

But we all (male and female), managed to call it a night, or calm it down, if we had stuff on, the next day.

[3littlefrogs]

RedHelenB - would you really have left small child in the sole care of someone in that state?

[2ndSopranosRule]

YANBU. Even if it's a one off misdemeanour, still YANBU.

My DH is hopeless at drinking but even he can engage his brain and think what he's doing the following day and act (or cease to act) accordingly.

[crayfish]

I would be raging!! My ex used to pull this kind of thing regularly (I know this is a one-off for your DH) so I have no tolerance for pissed up men.

That said, I would have had a back-up plan for getting to the run myself, unless it's really far there must be a bus or train or something.

[Joolsy]

YANBU. That is disgusting behaviour. And you're the one looking after your DD when he was supposed to be. Surely he must have known how important this run was to you. I would be absolutely seething. Why don't you cheer yourself up and go out somewhere on your own, even if it's just for a walk. He needs to take responsibility for his actions

[porridge90]

Another issue (hope this isn't drip feeding) is that in January I went to a family party for my aunties 50th. DH stayed home with DD as he didn't want to go, but I got very drunk. I was a complete mess (I hadn't eaten all day and had too much wine - silly I know) and was sick in our bedroom (which he cleaned up). Although I accept that this was pretty awfuyl of me, and I apologised profusely. I STILL got up with DD at 6am the next morning. And I didn't ruin any plans the next day. I know he will bring that up in defence of his actions. Does that change any ones opinion?

Also, I am a SAHM and he works really hard, really long hours. I know again, that I will be made to feel guilty because he never does anything for him etc.

I just don't know if I am being a massive bitch about this or if I need to just let it go as one of those things. He is STILL in bed BTW.

[BertrandRussell]

"I think it was a tiny bit optimistic to expect him to be up and responsible after a whole day and night out. I could have seen this coming from a mile off."

Really? Not if the person going out is a responsible grown up human being, surely?

[porridge90]

It was a bit of an awkward place to get to that would have involved 2 buses and me setting off at like 8am to be there for 10ish ready to run at 10;30. And even then, not sure what I would have done with DD. It's unfair to ask anyone else to watch her this early on a sunday morning really.

[RedHelenB]

If he goes out rarely the I don't think he's being unreasonable to have a good night out. But do learn to drive for your own independence.

[Foslady]

Just because you are a SAHM does NOT negate your right to be treated as an equal - this is a total lack of respect on his part, you are still entitled to a life - the S stands for stay, not slave

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

"The thing that tipped me over the edge was when I went in to bollock him about me having to cancel my run at 7am, and he was still drunk and telling me to 'come over here' and getting a bit frisky. I told him to go 'F himself'. Probably a bit of an overreaction I should apologise for, but I just saw red!"*

If anything it was an under-reaction. There's nothing more angry-making than some pissed-up wanker trying to get frisky when you're stone, cold sober and dealing with a bitter disappointment to boot.