To be annoyed about this on DD's school report?

[LittleMiniPainAuChocolat]

DD is year 6, and is aged 11. For this whole school year she has been given a hard time by a girl in her class who told DD at the beginning of the year that she was going to make things up about DD and continue doing this until DD left the school because of it. She also gets others to join in.

The school haven't been that great about it. Initially they kept telling DD off as this girl's parents kept going into the school about the lies their DD was telling them but when I put the school straight about this they just told DD to ignore it, but said to me that it's easier said than done to stop the girl's lies and that by the time they'd put a stop to it then it would be the end of the school year anyway!

Today I have had DD's school report and one of the comments on there said something along the lines of "DD has had lots of problems getting on with a fellow pupil this year". As if it's DD's fault!

I want to complain to the school as I am worried they will be painting DD to her secondary school as someone who can't get along with others, but DH says to leave it.

I'm so cross about it, I feel like I can't just leave it!

[Muskey]

I am sorry that you and your dd have had to deal with this. I had a similar problem and comment on dd report a few years back. When I asked the teacher about it she said she put it in there to show that dd had tried very hard to deal with the issues. Although tbh it didn't sound like it when she had written it. Do you think that's why the teacher wrote it.

[lilyboleyn]

To be honest the secondary school will probably pay very little attention (if any) to the report anyway.
We take reports from our incoming pupils and only I read them (scanning for signs of behavioural problems. If I spot one I count myself fore-warned but am happy for the child to prove different).

[trinity0097]

Her next school will not care one jot what is on the report. I speak as a teach who has worked in secondary schools, they do not read the reports of 180+ new joiners.

[LittleMiniPainAuChocolat]

Well yes she's been bullied but someone who is bullied doesn't have problems getting on with others. That's victim blaming.

[Alibobbob]

I would speak to the teacher and ask for the comment to be amended or removed. It may not count against her as far as a new school is concerned but it might have an effect on her confidence. My little girl would worry about a new school reading that comment and would stress about it regardless of what I would say.

[noblegiraffe]

Secondary schools really don't have time to be reading in detail reports of all the new intake, and even if they did, that sort of sent etc wouldn't even register.

If your DD and this girl are headed to the same secondary, you need to be proactive and tell the secondary yourself and request that they are put in different classes/half of year.

[PenelopePitstops]

Yep can guarantee secondary school don't read reports. All we see is levels.

In the nicest possible way are you sure your dd is totally in the right?

[LittleMiniPainAuChocolat]

This girl has done similar to a couple of other girls in previous years. Don't get me wrong I have no doubt that my DD is not perfect but this girl did say to her that she was going to make things up until DD had to leave the school, plus I have seen lots of nasty text messages and instagram messages she has sent to DD, which I did show to the school but they weren't bothered.....

[LittleMiniPainAuChocolat]

The parents have complained about DD because of the lies the girl told her parents. The school did actually catch this girl out with her lies a couple of times and the headteacher told me that they had no evidence DD was doing anything wrong. Plus as I said she has done this to other children in the past.

[LittleMiniPainAuChocolat]

Why is it a waste of time, TheTroubleWithAngels? The other girl sent DD bullying texts. I didn't 'get involved' with the texts. I read them and showed them to the school.....

[noblegiraffe]

You said you are worried how this will look to the secondary school. The answer is that the secondary school won't give a toss.

Therefore it is not worth any further fuss.

[DonkeyOaty]

Please take your daughter's instagram account down and block the other child on her mobile

The school report, well it is factual though I can see why it might sting

[LittleMiniPainAuChocolat]

Instagram account was taken down months ago and the girl was blocked months ago too.

Why is DD getting bullied by someone her 'not getting on with someone' though? They're different things.

[That1950sMum]

Secondary school won't read the report.

Year 6 girls love all this friendship nonsense. Are you sure your DD hasn't fuelled this drama?

[LittleMiniPainAuChocolat]

Also, school have been fucking useless in offering any support or stopping this girl from bullying DD.

I just think it's a bit unfair that they just haven't done anything to sort it then declare that DD 'doesn't get on with someone'

[PlatoTheGreat]

It is bullying and my dcs school would have been very hard on anyone doing that sort of stuff on Instagram. They would have sorted that out!

My issue isn't the secondary school but the message it's giving to your dd. For that reason, I would go and see the school and have a chat with the teacher.
And Yes it is victim blaming. Probably easier to do that recognising they haven';t been able to stop the bullying in the first place.

Is your dd going to the same school than the other girl?

[LittleMiniPainAuChocolat]

Yes they are going to the same school but won't be in the same form group or in the same half of the year thankfully.

I am going to a 'meet the year head' evening next week though so I will be speaking to her about it.

[PlatoTheGreat]

Giving them a he'd up is good idea but I suspect that the bully will be busy with a lot of other things than bullying someone that she is never seeing.

I wouod though try and have a chat with your dd about how to deal such a behaviour. She might find that there are plenty of other girls like tis in Y7. And 'ignoring' isn't always the best way to deal with it.

[puglife15]

I wouldn't necessarily say it's victim blaming but it's certainly minimising.

[Robbo78]

I would be on the school like a ton of bricks...no letting go till it was sorted. Its not like squabbling at 6 or 7. Kids this age should know better.

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

I hate all this "oh she's a girl in year 6 she's probably winding them up".

At the end of Year 6 three girls grabbed me, punched me, kicked me, pulled my hair, scratched me, made me bleed. The teacher's response? "Oh, girls in Year 6 are all bitchy, they're all as bad as each other". What had I done wrong?

Tried to stop them from beating up my brother and his friends, who were in Year 1. I was the quiet one; preferred staying in at lunchtime and reading to going out on the playground. The one time I spoke up to try and defend my little brother I was attacked and bullied, and it was written off as "bitchy year 6 girls not being able to get along".

It's bullshit. In Year 6, some girls become proper little bullies, and unfortunately their victims get ignored and don't get helped because everyone gets it in their head that all Year 6 girls are bitchy and wind each other up.

OP I'm sorry you and your daughter are going through this. I'd raise it with the primary school in a "you haven't safeguarded my daughter" way, but it won't even be a blip on the radar of the secondary school, so don't worry about them. Good news that your DD and the bully will be in separate form groups.

[LittleMiniPainAuChocolat]

Plato what would you suggest is the best way of dealing with someone who tells lies about you and gets her parents up the school all the time about it? Genuine question. DD tried being nice to her, confronting her, ignoring her. There isn't really much you can do to deal with someone who's determined to cause shit for you and rope in others to side with them is there?