Ugh. Feel horrible even posting this. Thankfully still theoretical at the moment. I know she raised me and you should pay back what you get and all that, but can't really help having all these really negative thoughts about it.
OK. My mum is in her early eighties, lives on her own (dad died 15 yrs ago) about 100 miles from me. Have DB who has wife n 3 kids and DSis who is single and works FT - we all live in different cities. I work PT from home and have 2 pre-teen kids and DH. Mum's memory is deteriorating quite quickly. She is going to have a memory test in the next few weeks. Dr has already questionned if she should be living on her own.
I just know that if she can't cope on her own I am going to be the obvious choice - we have the room, I have the time. I just feel terrified of it happening though.
My DH doesn't really get on with her - nothing overwhelmingly negative, just has nothing in common, not interested in the same things etc, When she stays we can't all find things to watch on the tv, he finds her conversation boring. So when she stays he basically retreats from the lounge and does his own thing.
She asks so many inane bloody questions - clearly this will increase if she is having memory problems - which get on my nerves. She doesn't like the same food as us so I have to change what I cook when she is here. She has increasingly little to do with the kids as they aren't really at the playing games stage anymore.
I just am panicking about having to absorb her into the house on a permenant basis and what it will mean for our family. I just feel like everyone would leave me to it and our nice little family unit would splinter. It would put a huge strain on my and DH relationship. She wouldn't drive and we have no local amenities so would be reliant on me for everything. She doesn't really know anyone here apart from us, and is not very outgoing.
I like my life. I like having time to myself. I am also scared about watching her get worse and the impact that will have on us, let alone just the moving in aspect. She tried to get me to promise years ago that I would make sure she never ended up in a home and I very gently said that wasn't a promise I could make - I wasn't going to potentially ruin 4 lives for the sake of 1.
Anyone?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
to be terrified that my mum may have to come and live with us?
98 replies
tactum · 17/05/2016 15:54
OP posts:
user838383 ·
17/05/2016 16:07
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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