My mother said you should never ever wish that on anyone. So I'm ashamed and bracing myself for all the hateful backlash I might get. But please hear me out, I'm desperate in need of some advice and support.
This man, the father of my 5 yo DD physically, emotionally and mentally abused me over a seven year relationship ending with one day when he beat me senseless on the floor while my daughter was in the bath alone aged 2. I called the police, he was arrested and charged with assault.
I have left him three years ago. Despite me caring for DD 80% of the time in that 3 year separation, he won 50/50 custody in court. It hurt like hell but I have sucked it up; I work hard in a excellent job, study, see friends, do all my chores so when DD is back I can be the best mum I can be.
In March following three months of text and email abuse saying i was a failure of a mother, fat, ugly, useless etc I reported him to the police again for harassment. He got a warning and his response was to report me back to the police, and to social services for child abuse. This also hurt but they had the sense to see it for what it was and dismiss him.
As a result I now only communicate with him via his girlfriend. (Yes he has a girlfriend, of 2 years, they are living together and trying for a baby. I met her and really liked her, how is she not running for the hills!). She is capable of keeping communication business like and I am hugely grateful for that.
However, he keeps finding new and creative ways to hurt me: keeping back uniform so i have none, blocking me from face timing DD when shes been with him for a week, calling me fat on the doorstep when i pick her up and this week he has kept back her first reading response book and won't let me borrow it to take pictures. Sounds insignificant, but she is in reception; it documents her transition from angelic chimp, to reading, writing little pupil and her dad has not done any of her homework with her. It represents hours of my time investing in her drawing and writing and maths and the pictures and stories are so lovely and ooze sentimental value. And I am in bits, crying about a little book?!
And so I had that horrible thought flicker in my mind that this is how its going to be for the rest of my life, him finding new ways to be spiteful and nasty because i left him and he is bitter. And i know its a terrible thing to think, and I don't think i really want him dead, I just want to live without this constant torment.
AIBU?
to wish my ex was dead?
frecklesagogo · 15/04/2016 09:57
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I understand. I didn't wish death on my ex, he did on me. After so much abuse from these people you want them to leave you alone.
Thankfully exh went for therapy and was apparently advised to walk away from our lives to get away from me. 
I suspect the therapist told him that because they realised he was a narcissistic and gave him that narrative to keep us safe. I am so grateful to them. I don't know how you go on continually being attacked. Do you think you may have PTSD?
I don't think yabu. I understand feeling like that. I wished the same on my ds's dad. Then he did die. In someways, knowing I don't have to deal with him, deal with ds being constantly disappointed is easier now we can just remember the nice things about him. But that doesn't make up for the howling noise I heard come from my ds when I told him his dad had died. If I could go back I would do things differently, not engage, get help/mediation/whatever to help us to co-parent in a better and healthier way.
I think you need to find ways to not let him get to you, not engage with you. Parallel parent as opposed to co-parent. I don't have the answers or any even half decent advice I am afraid but I understand why you feel and think the way you do 
A friend of mine has an ex she wishes dead, and I don't blame her at all. He is an evil man and is currently in prison. Hell, I would almost wish him dead, because I've seen what he's put her through.
I know what you mean though, it feels wrong. But it's understandable in your (and my friend's) case. 
No judgement here. He sounds utterly vile in every way, shape and form and I don't blame you for a single second. It would take an absolute saint to not have the sneaking suspicion that, frankly, life would be much better if he were no longer on the planet.
As an aside, bloody well done. You sound like you have been to hell and back and yet you have got yourself and dd back on your feet and are coping admirably and with grace
Not unreasonable
I don't have any experience of your situation but it sounds horrible. The fact even now he scores points off you in any petty way he can.
You'd think his focus would be on his dd not hurting you any way he can
I'm shocked that a court gave a man like that 50/50 custody there really is no justice some times.
I'm also shocked that he got 50-50 when he had beaten you senseless leaving your dd in the bath 
A person that does this should not be allowed access at all IMO - I don't believe men with convictions of domestic violence should be allowed to see their children at all.
Pfft It is just a thought, people are generally only condemned on their actions. Wish away 
Frecklesagogo I've never been in your situation so I have no advice for you apart from repeating PPs saying you need to report him to SS and also tell your DD school what's going on!
What a vile excuse for a human being he is, how dare he treat you and your little girl like that 
You sound like a fabulous mum and I hope you get the peace that you and your DD deserve
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