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Contact centres with out my consent?

(42 Posts)
UmbongoUnchained Wed 27-Jan-16 22:31:07

So apparently my ex has been spending the past few months arranging visitation with our daughter in a contact centre.
This is the first I've heard of this, can he just go and do it without speaking to me? Will they call me and ask me about it? Can I call them?

For a bit of background ex is abusive and I have said he can only see my daughter supervised and he hasn't seen her now for almost a year. He has threatened me with court and all sorts but it's all talk so part of me thinks it's bullshit but just wondered if anyone had any experience with contact centres and how they work?

Not really an AIBU sorry, just wanted lots of advice if possible.

LarrytheCucumber Wed 27-Jan-16 22:38:06

Is the contact being arranged through a court and social worker?
We have family members who foster and if a court grants a parent supervised access a contact centre might be used with a contact supervisor employed so the person is not alone with the child.
In those cases the social worker decides where contact takes place, and they might choose one which is convenient for the parent, but not always.
I don't know if that helps.

Jezebel555 Wed 27-Jan-16 22:39:28

How have you found this out?

UmbongoUnchained Wed 27-Jan-16 22:41:38

No nothing has gone through any court, I haven't heard from him since May, apart from a solicitors letter in which he didn't even ask to see her anyway! I found out from his friend. It's most probably just his usual shit of making out that I'm stopping him from seeing her because it's easier than saying he can't be arses but just though I would get clued up anyway just in case.

Jezebel555 Wed 27-Jan-16 23:07:40

If you haven't heard anything from any official channels I'm fairly certain he is chatting shit to his mates. Clearly trying to look like a good father when he is in fact a toss one thanks

UmbongoUnchained Wed 27-Jan-16 23:09:11

That's what I'm hoping! I've never stopped him seeing her, it just has to be supervised and he's chosen not too. Although admittedly I'm glad he doesn't want to see her because he's such an evil person!

notenoughbottle Wed 27-Jan-16 23:18:59

He's talking crap. I know because I've experience personally of this. Only a judge or someone in a position of seniority can arrange contact through a contact centre and then normally only through a court order. Plus nowadays mediation is normally gone through before anything is even allowed to go through court. Don't let this keep you up tonight, I can assure you it's not true.

Jezebel555 Wed 27-Jan-16 23:20:53

These sad people who play the doting parents to others are such a drain on general society angry
I have one as well in the form of my DPs ex although the DSC are old enough to make their own choices about the shit parent. Bitter sweet I suppose but courts can't force teenagers to see a parent they don't want to

UmbongoUnchained Wed 27-Jan-16 23:28:06

That's brilliant thank you. He really is pathetic. Just as I start to move on he pops back up with something and sets my anxiety off again. It's so draining.

cestlavielife Wed 27-Jan-16 23:30:04

If you said it has to be supervised and he is arranging a contact centre then that sounds the right thing ? That's what you want isn't it ? Contact centre can be privately arranged and paid for.
You waNt contact supervised so if he is setting up contact centre what is the problem ? You will be contacted by the contact centre to take dc there ?

UmbongoUnchained Wed 27-Jan-16 23:32:56

Yeah but surely he can't just go and arrange it all without even telling me?

notenoughbottle Wed 27-Jan-16 23:35:37

Unless things have changed very recently I'm sure that you can't go through these centres without court input. I wouldn't worry as there is plenty you could do to prevent it if it ever happens.

cestlavielife Thu 28-Jan-16 00:00:28

He can speak to a contact centre without a court order. you can use contact centre under private arrangement. But unless you take dc there then contact won't happen will it? How old is dc ?

If he suggests contáct centre on specific day what grounds do you have to refuse to take dc ?

UmbongoUnchained Thu 28-Jan-16 00:13:43

I'm not refusing to take my daughter. I just don't like that he's gone behind my back and has supposedly been in contact with them for months without informing me of his plans. Daughter is only 1 and doesn't know who he is so will be a scary time for her.

cestlavielife Thu 28-Jan-16 16:24:23

Just don't worry about it. If contact centre get in touch then visit and ask them how it works. Don't know why he been talking "for months" without you hearing anything. So ignore.

bloodyteenagers Thu 28-Jan-16 16:36:11

If he had been talking to them for months then you would have heard from them by now. For starters, the first process is that you both have to fill in an application. That's even before you have an interview with naccc.

And don't worry about going through mediation either. It's not advised when there
Has been abuse

UmbongoUnchained Thu 28-Jan-16 17:29:28

I figured as much, thank you for the re assurance! Hopefully he will get in with his sad little life eventually and leave us alone

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Thu 28-Jan-16 17:42:58

Don't forget they aren't free...... You do have to pay!

So would he?

Failed at the first hurdle I'm guessing....

UmbongoUnchained Thu 28-Jan-16 18:05:42

I doubt it. I've had so many threats over the past few months. Court, a super solicitors letter that he's spent 2 grand on that will strip all my parental rights and I'll never see my daughter again, he's going to come and kill me in my sleep and take my baby (he got arrested for that one!)
He's just a total scum bag. He's currently playing 2 girls against each other and one of them has been messaging me trying to be all nice and asking if she can take my daughter for a few hours to go and see her dad... Yeah alright then, I'll just send my daughter off with a total stranger to go and see my violent ex. She's using my daughter to try and score points over the other girl he's shagging. It's really pathetic. Just want them all to leave me alone now!

Jezebel555 Thu 28-Jan-16 18:52:24

Wow I can't believe the girlfriend had the cheek to message you!! Talk about crossing a line, I hope you told her to fuck right off! Some people really have no idea hmm

cestlavielife Thu 28-Jan-16 20:58:41

Given there s a police record do nothing until it s court ordered . If he takes you to court it s ok as you have enough strong evidence ie police reports that there will not be anything other than supervised contact. Don't give him your time and energy. Let him talk via your solicitor.

UmbongoUnchained Thu 28-Jan-16 21:16:36

Don't they only use contact centres for a little while though? I don't think I could ever leave her alone with him...

UmbongoUnchained Thu 28-Jan-16 21:17:06

At least not till she's old enough to talk and can tell me if he's done anything to her.

Jezebel555 Thu 28-Jan-16 21:50:29

If you honestly believe that he will abuse your child in any way then fight with every power of your being to keep him away from her and if you are forced then insist on supervised contact. Sounds like an awful situation to be in OP thanks

cestlavielife Thu 28-Jan-16 22:18:53

Look right now he s spent months jumping up and down making threats but you ve had no formal letter giving you a court date etc.

So for now deep breath try to ignore.
If and when he takes it to court provide the evidence police ref etc. Get legal advice.

If he gets contact centre contact and turns up unfailingly for several months and dc is happy then you review. He is not going to suddenly get unsupervised. Take it one step at a time. Let him huff and puff. Ignore him.

If he genuinely wants a god relationship with dc he will bend over backwards to do what's right.

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