Contact centres with out my consent?

[UmbongoUnchained]

So apparently my ex has been spending the past few months arranging visitation with our daughter in a contact centre.
This is the first I've heard of this, can he just go and do it without speaking to me? Will they call me and ask me about it? Can I call them?

For a bit of background ex is abusive and I have said he can only see my daughter supervised and he hasn't seen her now for almost a year. He has threatened me with court and all sorts but it's all talk so part of me thinks it's bullshit but just wondered if anyone had any experience with contact centres and how they work?

Not really an AIBU sorry, just wanted lots of advice if possible.

[UmbongoUnchained]

yes i just read the one where it says both parents have to fill out the application before anything can be moved forwards so thats really helpful.
Thankyou so much everyone, i know i post on here a lot but I don't like talking to my friends in real life too much about it incase anything gets back to him so you guys are all I have!

[ADishBestEatenCold]

I have just skimmed through those links I put up, Umbongo. The second one, in particular, is very reassuring. Unless there is a court order or similar (which you would obviously already know about) he cannot do this without your full knowledge and advance cooperation.

Sleep well!

[UmbongoUnchained]

I wish i could move but I have no money haha.
When he left he took everything, literally left us in an empty house. Took the little ones cot an everything. I had to quit my job because i couldnt afford the childcare and had to wait 3 weeks for benefits to come through so had to take out a credit card which im currently still trying to pay off.
Im hoping to go back to college in september though when my daughter qualifies for the free childcare hours. It's just a shame that it's all come down to this. Not exactly how I pictured my life turning out.

[ADishBestEatenCold]

Am no expert, but as far as I am aware parents can apply directly to contact centres for assistance.

This site might help and there is also this about self-referral.

[fastdaytears]

Sounds like nonsense to me to get to you or make himself look like dad of the year or most likely both.

I used to volunteer in a contact centre though. We were free and took self referrals where both parties wanted it. We had lots of first meetings between children and parents (or first that child could remember) and put a lot of work into making it as comfortable for the child as possible. It was hard and emotional obviously but it does work for some children. Hardest bit was the children's faces though when parent didn't turn up, which happened a lot.

[ollieplimsoles]

cest really knows the score,

I agree completely op, get on with things and wait for him to make his move. Stop talking to his friends and his girlfriends need to leave you alone too

[cestlavielife]

You can't cut parental rights as such.

But you can move and get on with your life and wait for him to actually take it to court. If he was serious about seeing dd he would have done so already.
If he in forces and works away that's to your advantage. And good reason to move to where you have support.

[ollieplimsoles]

It does sound like a control thing, so sorry for you op.

If he really did care about dd then he would realise the importance of treating her mother right.
Could you use his abusive background as leverage to get his parental rights cut back? I wouldn't want him to see my child at all if it was me.

[cestlavielife]

If he is in forces he willmove around anyway so you may as well move to where you have support.

[cestlavielife]

How far do you want to move ?
He could apply to court to get an order to stop you moving but if there has been no contact for months and no court order then just move.
Given the threats to you then just move.

[UmbongoUnchained]

I don't think so, he's on the birth certificate so has rights and I don't think they can be taken away. He pays maintenance but only because he's in the forces and he would be disciplined if he didn't. It's just really hard doing all of this by myself and then him doing things to make me anxious.

[Oldraver]

Who has told you this and could they be stirring ?

He can talk to contact centre all he likes, you dont have to agree to it unless ordered by a court.

[ollieplimsoles]

Is there any way you can just cut him out completely so he has no rights at all over your dd?

[UmbongoUnchained]

Ha not interested in his daughter at all, he's had plenty of opportunities to see her and make things right but he only cares about drinking and shagging. It's just a control thing over me but it's working I just want to move away but I can't even do that without his consent!

[ollieplimsoles]

Given his history I think I would put a court order in place to make sure he never sees dd, then I would cut all contact with him. Its just a big game to people like him.

[cestlavielife]

Oh and stop talking to his friends.
Keep away from anyone who has anything to do with him. Build a new set of friends for you and dc. Wait to respond to official letters. Concentrate on you and your dc don't let his antics take your energy away.

[cestlavielife]

Good not god

[cestlavielife]

Look right now he s spent months jumping up and down making threats but you ve had no formal letter giving you a court date etc.

So for now deep breath try to ignore.
If and when he takes it to court provide the evidence police ref etc. Get legal advice.

If he gets contact centre contact and turns up unfailingly for several months and dc is happy then you review. He is not going to suddenly get unsupervised. Take it one step at a time. Let him huff and puff. Ignore him.

If he genuinely wants a god relationship with dc he will bend over backwards to do what's right.

[Jezebel555]

If you honestly believe that he will abuse your child in any way then fight with every power of your being to keep him away from her and if you are forced then insist on supervised contact. Sounds like an awful situation to be in OP

[UmbongoUnchained]

At least not till she's old enough to talk and can tell me if he's done anything to her.

[UmbongoUnchained]

Don't they only use contact centres for a little while though? I don't think I could ever leave her alone with him...

[cestlavielife]

Given there s a police record do nothing until it s court ordered . If he takes you to court it s ok as you have enough strong evidence ie police reports that there will not be anything other than supervised contact. Don't give him your time and energy. Let him talk via your solicitor.

[Jezebel555]

Wow I can't believe the girlfriend had the cheek to message you!! Talk about crossing a line, I hope you told her to fuck right off! Some people really have no idea

[UmbongoUnchained]

I doubt it. I've had so many threats over the past few months. Court, a super solicitors letter that he's spent 2 grand on that will strip all my parental rights and I'll never see my daughter again, he's going to come and kill me in my sleep and take my baby (he got arrested for that one!)
He's just a total scum bag. He's currently playing 2 girls against each other and one of them has been messaging me trying to be all nice and asking if she can take my daughter for a few hours to go and see her dad... Yeah alright then, I'll just send my daughter off with a total stranger to go and see my violent ex. She's using my daughter to try and score points over the other girl he's shagging. It's really pathetic. Just want them all to leave me alone now!

[MumOnTheRunCatchingUp]

Don't forget they aren't free...... You do have to pay!

So would he?

Failed at the first hurdle I'm guessing....