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AIBU?

Contact centres with out my consent?

41 replies

UmbongoUnchained · 27/01/2016 22:31

So apparently my ex has been spending the past few months arranging visitation with our daughter in a contact centre.
This is the first I've heard of this, can he just go and do it without speaking to me? Will they call me and ask me about it? Can I call them?

For a bit of background ex is abusive and I have said he can only see my daughter supervised and he hasn't seen her now for almost a year. He has threatened me with court and all sorts but it's all talk so part of me thinks it's bullshit but just wondered if anyone had any experience with contact centres and how they work?

Not really an AIBU sorry, just wanted lots of advice if possible.

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cestlavielife · 28/01/2016 22:21

Oh and stop talking to his friends.
Keep away from anyone who has anything to do with him. Build a new set of friends for you and dc. Wait to respond to official letters. Concentrate on you and your dc don't let his antics take your energy away.

ollieplimsoles · 28/01/2016 22:24

Given his history I think I would put a court order in place to make sure he never sees dd, then I would cut all contact with him. Its just a big game to people like him.

UmbongoUnchained · 28/01/2016 22:25

Ha not interested in his daughter at all, he's had plenty of opportunities to see her and make things right but he only cares about drinking and shagging. It's just a control thing over me but it's working I just want to move away but I can't even do that without his consent!

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ollieplimsoles · 28/01/2016 22:26

Is there any way you can just cut him out completely so he has no rights at all over your dd?

Oldraver · 28/01/2016 22:27

Who has told you this and could they be stirring ?

He can talk to contact centre all he likes, you dont have to agree to it unless ordered by a court.

UmbongoUnchained · 28/01/2016 22:30

I don't think so, he's on the birth certificate so has rights and I don't think they can be taken away. He pays maintenance but only because he's in the forces and he would be disciplined if he didn't. It's just really hard doing all of this by myself and then him doing things to make me anxious.

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cestlavielife · 28/01/2016 22:32

How far do you want to move ?
He could apply to court to get an order to stop you moving but if there has been no contact for months and no court order then just move.
Given the threats to you then just move.

cestlavielife · 28/01/2016 22:33

If he is in forces he willmove around anyway so you may as well move to where you have support.

ollieplimsoles · 28/01/2016 22:34

It does sound like a control thing, so sorry for you op.

If he really did care about dd then he would realise the importance of treating her mother right.
Could you use his abusive background as leverage to get his parental rights cut back? I wouldn't want him to see my child at all if it was me.

cestlavielife · 28/01/2016 22:37

You can't cut parental rights as such.

But you can move and get on with your life and wait for him to actually take it to court. If he was serious about seeing dd he would have done so already.
If he in forces and works away that's to your advantage. And good reason to move to where you have support.

ollieplimsoles · 28/01/2016 22:41

cest really knows the score,

I agree completely op, get on with things and wait for him to make his move. Stop talking to his friends and his girlfriends need to leave you alone too

fastdaytears · 28/01/2016 22:42

Sounds like nonsense to me to get to you or make himself look like dad of the year or most likely both.

I used to volunteer in a contact centre though. We were free and took self referrals where both parties wanted it. We had lots of first meetings between children and parents (or first that child could remember) and put a lot of work into making it as comfortable for the child as possible. It was hard and emotional obviously but it does work for some children. Hardest bit was the children's faces though when parent didn't turn up, which happened a lot.

ADishBestEatenCold · 28/01/2016 22:43

Am no expert, but as far as I am aware parents can apply directly to contact centres for assistance.

This site might help and there is also this about self-referral.

UmbongoUnchained · 28/01/2016 22:45

I wish i could move but I have no money haha.
When he left he took everything, literally left us in an empty house. Took the little ones cot an everything. I had to quit my job because i couldnt afford the childcare and had to wait 3 weeks for benefits to come through so had to take out a credit card which im currently still trying to pay off.
Im hoping to go back to college in september though when my daughter qualifies for the free childcare hours. It's just a shame that it's all come down to this. Not exactly how I pictured my life turning out.

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ADishBestEatenCold · 28/01/2016 23:00

I have just skimmed through those links I put up, Umbongo. The second one, in particular, is very reassuring. Unless there is a court order or similar (which you would obviously already know about) he cannot do this without your full knowledge and advance cooperation.

Sleep well!

UmbongoUnchained · 28/01/2016 23:08

yes i just read the one where it says both parents have to fill out the application before anything can be moved forwards so thats really helpful.
Thankyou so much everyone, i know i post on here a lot but I don't like talking to my friends in real life too much about it incase anything gets back to him so you guys are all I have!

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