Son's good friend possibly stolen money from him

[Cloggies]

Hi, I am new here so bear with me.
On Boxing Day I had a family over who we've been good friends with since nursery, their daughter and son are same ages as ours- 9 and 12 respectively. They left late that night and my son came down stating that £30 from his £40 Christmas money was missing from his wallet as well as his phone. He checked every where- we checked everywhere, we checked our daughter's room- tipped literally everything upside down, opened unopenable piggybanks as well. As dd was in a foul mood that evening (because her friend wasn't allowed to stay over that night) we really thought she took it from her brother out of spite, however his friend wasn't allowed to stay over either so there was no reason for her to feel that way.
We eventually found the phone in our bedroom under a drawer unit (why?!) but not the money. We decided to sleep on it and spoke to them the next day- again we asked ds whether he had taken it out to pay for something I was going to buy or whether he had hidden it himself to get more money!! We also asked dd again to owe up now so we can put it to bed and move on. She denied taking the money again and certainly there were no traces of guilt, only tears of being seen as a suspect. We stated to them both that we would now have to contact the parents- our friends- and ask them to check with their kids- essentially accusing them- which would put their kids and our friendship into jeopardy. Still denial from our kids- which makes me think that our kids genuinely have nothing to do with it, especially dd as she was horrified to find that she would lose a friend through this! We also suggested that both dd and our youngest son (6 year old- exonerated by virtue of checking all his piggybanks and room too!) should give him £10 of their Christmas money to him so all then have £30. They were happy to do this!

So, however we've gone ahead and asked our friends to check with their kids to see if they knew where it could be but they also denied it and now their mum has texted that we should not meet up anymore for Hogmanay and perhaps meet up on New Year's Day for the run....

I think we've lost a friendship now but I hope that one of the kids owe up. Does anyone feel we could have done it differently or any suggestions or thoughts?
Thanks very much!

[Hissy]

If a parent ditches you/your friendship because you've asked if they have seen any additional money that you can't find, and you've asked with respect and without accusation then tbh, you're best off without them.

I do think calling them may have been a better idea as you can convey the intended tone.

[Hissy]

I hope the kids own up, if they do and the money is returned, let it go, but make sure your dc know to put all money away safely in future.

[Mysteryfla]

Did you find the phone?

[JohnLuther]

Mysteryfla it says right there in the OP that the phone was found.

Sounds like you're better off without them if they ditch you despite the fact that you asked nicely.

[llhj]

I think you should phone them to get across intended tone because it's not definite that one of their children did take it is it? It's worth a call rather than chuck away a friendship.

[Allgunsblazing]

I once called a friend to let her know her toddler son had emptied a little pot of coins I kept by the door. I didn't care about the money, I was worried he might choke. The coins were definitely taken by him (I saw him, put them back with him, he was the only kid in the house etc). We are talking 80 p at most).
The mother shouted at me for calling her son a thief and never spoke to me again.
Whereas I would have been grateful to be told and looked for the ruddy things!

[gabsdot]

Did your son show the other boy the money? Why do you think it was him? I'd be pissed off too if a friend did what you did. You need to have sure proof before basically accusing someone of theft.

[NoahVale]

it might just be lost, put in a safe place, washed by mistake?
it sounds like they said dont meet up at hogmanay but meet up on new years day, what is the difference?
are they upset with you for sure?

[FriendofBill]

Be very careful here.

A while back a Nintendo DS went missing, we thought it was a visiting friend.
Thankfully wise enough not to accuse but I did not invite them over again.

It turned up a long time later under some furniture.

It could have been mislaid?

[cuntycowfacemonkey]

Tough situation TBH I always keep hold of all the dc's money rather than use piggy banks as these situations are just horrible to manage without upsetting someone.

A few years ago SIL phoned me to ask if I could see if DS had taken any money from his cousins money box - he swore blind he hadn't and I believed him. Turned out big brother had "borrowed" it without saying anything. I wasn't offended about being asked but it isn't a nice feeling to know someone thinks your child has taken money. I think if you are worried about the friendship then you have to reassure them that you believe them when they say their child didn't take it. At the end of the day it is still a possibility that it was one of your's so unless the money turns up you just don't know.

[Skullyton]

why have you asked your other two kids to replace his money?

its not their fault he's careless enough to a) lose it, or b) leave it somewhere it could be stolen.

[goodnightdarthvader1]

Sorry, there is no way in the world to ask "Have you seen my son's money?" without it being an accusation.

[Buttercup27]

I don't think you ate being unreasonable asking but yadbu asking your other children to give up their own Christmas money because your eldest lost/had his stolen. That's not fair.

[Skullyton]

and what is going on with your kids that your first thought is to accuse a 9yo of stealing it out of spite?

[SevenSeconds]

Sorry OP, but I don't think you should have asked them. It's all very well to say 'if they take it too seriously they weren't a good friend in the first place' but I would be seriously pissed off if one of my friends accused my DC of stealing.

[HackerFucker22]

We have loads of boxes and tons more recycling than normal. Money could easily be in any of this had we mislaid any.

Have you checked clothes / jackets kids were wearing.

Was the money in an actual wallet or a money wallet?

[honeysucklejasmine]

I can't imagine I would mind a text along the lines of "I'm really sorry to ask, and I'm not accusing, but did either of your kids say anything about some cash DS had? He can't find it all."

I'd be quite upset if the friendship is over over this.

Yy to not making your other kids replace it.

[ThreeRuddyTubs]

Yanbu trying to make the younger children replace it. Maybe should should hang on to Christmas money in future but your other kids should most definitely not have to pony up because your other kid was careless with his

[Sansoora]

I think you have to chalk this up to one of those things you may never get to the bottom of.

Replace the missing money yourself on the condition is repaid should the original amount turn up but please don't ask your other children to part with any of theirs. Its just not a reasonable request at all.

[Goingtobeawesome]

Not sure it is fair for the other kids to have to give up their money, no way would I ask mine to do this, but the friends are the ones who haven't behaved well.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

he'd remember putting hos phone under the drawers surely?

were the wallet and phone together befire the disappearance?

if it's lost its in the house somewhere. it would however he very odd fir a kid yo take out money walk around and put it down enough times fir it to not be found.

dies sound a bit fishy.

either taken or hidden as part of a trick.

[amarmai]

the phone being under the furniture in another room makes me wonder who wd have had the opportunity to do that. The problem with theft is the distrust it causes as often you never find out who did what.