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To think my MIL is being unfair

(70 Posts)
listsandbudgets Sun 20-Dec-15 21:02:24

We are going to my mum's for Christmas. As MIL would otherwise be alone she has invited her to come and stay from lunchtime Christmas eve until tea time on boxing day when DSIL will be coming to pick her up. We will then pick her up on the 29th and take her home with us until 4th January.

We are going to my mum's on the 22nd. MIL has repetaviely phoned me, my mum and DP asking to be picked up on the afternoon of the 22nd as she wants to spend more time with her grandchildren - we've all said no as we have plans for the 23rd, its another hours drive from my mum's to go and get her (so 2 more hours driving after a 3 hour drive) and we dont want to put any extra pressure on my mum.

This morning she phoned my mum saying if she wasn't welcome she wasn't coming at all. I've told DP to talk to her but fuming.

Before anyone asks we can't easily go to her instead as she has a one bed flat

Could she get a taxi to you mum's house?

ollieplimsoles Sun 20-Dec-15 21:05:40

I'm on the fence here as I feel a bit sorry for mil..

Do you not get in with her usually and could she maybe join in your plans for the 23rd?

Madeyemoodysmum Sun 20-Dec-15 21:07:58

Your dp need to sort this your mum has been very welcoming and see will see them Again at new year. I'd stick by your guns. She has shown her unreasonable ness by trying to blackmail your mum.
It's your dp issue. His mum his problem.

Nanofone Sun 20-Dec-15 21:08:13

She is being very unfair. She's been invited for a good stretch of time and trying emotional blackmail to be invited for longer is very unreasonable.

rumbleinthrjungle Sun 20-Dec-15 21:08:37

She's asked and had the answer that no, that isn't convenient. If she wants to shoot herself in the foot by taking her bat home if she doesn't get exactly what she wants then frankly I'd let her get on with it. "Ok MiL, if that's your decision then I respect it."

She may think twice about stamping her foot and making silly threats another time. What is it this week about adult DMs and MiLs women acting like overtired toddlers?!

Nonidentifyingnc Sun 20-Dec-15 21:09:00

I think it is rude if her to invite herself to your mums for extra days. She is taking no account of the fact that other people have plans and the whole world does not revolve around what suits her. I would stand my ground and continue to say no.
I think you are going above and beyond in having her from 29th to 4th Jan tbh.

monkeymamma Sun 20-Dec-15 21:09:10

YANBU, she is quite obviously being unreasonable! No advice other than let your dh deal with it. You simply cannot invite yourself to someone else's house for longer than they've asked you! Plus what age are yr children, if they are very young surely she'll see enough of them 24-26 Dec and over new year?!! My kids are obviously adorable but tiring for grandparents over a very long period...

BackInTheRealWorld Sun 20-Dec-15 21:09:24

How rude and ungrateful. I would be angry too.

Optimist1 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:10:27

So she phones her DIL's mother (who has kindly offered her a 2-3 day stay) and suggests that she's been made to feel unwelcome? Words fail me.

lunar1 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:10:45

Do you alternate years or always see your parents?

OwlinaTree Sun 20-Dec-15 21:10:55

I'm with rumble just say, 'you are welcome, what a shame you don't want to join us. Let us know if you change your mind' or something like that, leave it with her.

MontyYouTerribleCunt Sun 20-Dec-15 21:12:23

Agree with PPs - yanbu. Also like rumble's text.

Rivercam Sun 20-Dec-15 21:13:58

I think your mil is being very selfish inviting herself to your mothers for an extra 48 hours. No doubt your mum wants that time to do last mi ute shopping, cleaning, preparation etc. It was vey generous of your mum to invite your mil to stay over Christmas, and for her to demand to stay longer is taking the p..s.

Creampastry Sun 20-Dec-15 21:15:15

How rude! Leave her to it, let her go elsewhere.

OTheHugeManatee Sun 20-Dec-15 21:18:25

In your mum's shoes I'd be feeling quite put out now. Your MIL needs to learn some manners shock

ollieplimsoles Sun 20-Dec-15 21:19:27

How old are your dc op?

ohtheholidays Sun 20-Dec-15 21:32:37

My God she sounds awful.It's a complete lack of manners and normal respect to keep asking like that.I wouldn't have asked once,to then demand as well and use emotional blackmail to get her own way is not normal behavior that's a disgusting way to behave.

I'm not surprised your furious OP.Your DH needs to have words with his Mother.

Corygal Sun 20-Dec-15 21:37:25

Startlingly entitled and rude. Whatever else happens, don't cave in.

0christmastree5 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:38:31

Does having a tantrum normally work got her?

0christmastree5 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:38:45

Got - for, sorry

OhJustGetOnWithIt Sun 20-Dec-15 21:39:04

Just take her at her word and assume she's cancelled her visit. Outrageously rude behaviour.

DartmoorDoughnut Sun 20-Dec-15 21:41:40

That is a whole new level of rude behaviour! Who the hell tries to extend their stay repeatedly?! Maybe you want a bit of time just your DM and you? Just unbelievable. Obvs YANBU!

JT05 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:49:47

I'm a 'MIL' and no way would I do this. I'd be happy that I could join in for Christmas Day and Boxing Day! Plenty of MILs will be on their own. ( I hasten to add I'm not one of them'

EponasWildDaughter Sun 20-Dec-15 21:55:17

This morning she phoned my mum saying if she wasn't welcome [for the extra days] she wasn't coming at all.


Who rings anybody and says this?! Especially someone who you're meant to be staying on good terms with!

Rude. Bad manners and manipulative. DH needs to have a word with his mother.

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