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AIBU?

To tell my mother to FOTTFSOFO if she so much as mentions it

76 replies

Coldlightofday · 19/12/2015 19:46

I will be without my DC for the first time this Christmas, post separation. I'm thinking of going to my lovely DSis and family. My mother (many, many ishoos with our relationship)has already started with the ' it will be so sad for me to see you but not to see DC'.
She's not local, she never sees us, she's a nightmare.

I just think her saying it on Christmas day repeatedly might make me stabby wibbly and I need a plan.

OP posts:

Report

Sirzy · 19/12/2015 19:50

I would speak to her before and make it very clear that you know it will be very strange without them and as such would like her not to mention it.

If she does tell her to fuck off

Coldlightofday · 19/12/2015 19:53

Sirzy..you mean treat her like a normal human person?

I'm just not sure that will work.

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ProfGrammaticus · 19/12/2015 19:57

Email her to say it. Write a letter saying it. Get your sister to say it?

Sirzy · 19/12/2015 19:58

Get your sister onside as, then she can kick her under the table step in if she starts.

Good luck with your mum and hope you manage to have a lovely Christmas

WhirlwindHugs · 19/12/2015 19:58

Gang up with your sister (and her DP?) with a preprepard plan to interrupt her and get her talking about her favourite subject instead.

Or you sis will could split the pair of you up by asking one of you to do a job or something else urgent that changes the subject.

Can you tell I team up with my sis against our tactless parents sometimes? I hope you have a peaceful Christmas!

Coldlightofday · 19/12/2015 20:02

Yeah, I considered getting my sister to have a word.

I just don't think my mother will be able to stop herself.

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LottieDoubtie · 19/12/2015 20:04

embrace it? Come on here and play christmas bingo with me, glass of wine every time she mentions it or my registered blind granny calls me fat?

mineofuselessinformation · 19/12/2015 20:06

'Yes mum, but I'm sad about it too so can we change the subject?' ought to do it and make her realise that it's not something you want to discuss.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 19/12/2015 20:08

Oh well, it's a piece of piss for me, mother - now shut the fuck up

Would that do?

Coldlightofday · 19/12/2015 20:09

ooh...Lottie that might work..

I just don't want to end up crying into my wine turkey.

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Coldlightofday · 19/12/2015 20:11

you'reall You've clearly encountered someone like my mother....

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LottieDoubtie · 19/12/2015 20:14

Then IME you have to turn it into a game.

You prob can't stop her saying it, a scene will make you feel worse (-sod her!), come on, you've got almost a week to get yourself into a position where you can laugh at her outrageous inappropriateness!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/12/2015 20:16

Fix her with a beady stare and say, 'If it is making you sad, imagine how much worse I am feeling, mum! It would help if you didn't mention it again.' Or could your dsis say something similar for you?

Coldlightofday · 19/12/2015 20:18

SDTG - I'm just not sure I could get that out without bawling.

Then she'd probs tell me to stop being attention seeking.

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knobblyknee · 19/12/2015 20:20

I think you need a list of responses for when she days it despite all the requests before hand for her to use some fucking common sense and think of someone else for a change.

Group them into Sarky, Dimwitted Misunderstanding, Deflecting etc and assign each one a colour. Print them on to cards,whip out the pack and pick one at random.

Have these. (good place to hide a knofe.)

WaitingForMe · 19/12/2015 20:23

MIL is a delight and has moaned to DH that she sees less of her grandsons since he split up with their mum. "Well so do I" he pointed out. "But I find it hard" she replied.

Coldlightofday · 19/12/2015 20:23

I like the colour coding, knobbly

Perhaps I could insert them into the crackers?

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HelloItsMeAgain · 19/12/2015 20:23

To be honest I think FOTTFSOF would do pretty well. Only on the condition that you forewarn her you will says so if she as much as mentions it.

On another note - some good distraction techniques work well. We had my DM here last Christmas - not long after I had finished some counselling (a lot of which shit in my life narrowed down to stuff from childhood/her) so was quite a tough prospect. Brilliant posters on here suggested things to change the subject - Christmas quizzes and the like. So I printed off loads of riddles and quizzes and as soon as anything got even vaguely like they were getting heavy/touching raw nerves etc I whipped them out and changed the vibe.

This kind of thing. brainden.com/logic-riddles.htm gpuzzles.com/quiz/clever-riddles-with-answers/

Coldlightofday · 19/12/2015 20:23

Waiting - THAT IS MY MOTHER.

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Coldlightofday · 19/12/2015 20:25

That sounds tough Hello - sounds like you dealt with it well.

Busy festive fun might work..

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Notgrumpyjustquiet · 19/12/2015 20:32

Could you get so pissed that you fall asleep and miss most of it..?

knobblyknee · 19/12/2015 20:34

Yes! Perfect. In the crackers :)

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TopHat33 · 19/12/2015 20:37

You and your DSIS treat it as mum bingo and each gets another each time you hear it until you've had enough to say 'you must be feeling terrible, why don't you go home and lie down until Christmas is over'. be insistent that she really must go if she feels that bad and pack her bags for her.

Coldlightofday · 19/12/2015 20:37

Not tempting....

My mother will get horribly drunk.

She may end up weeping that her DGS is not with her.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 19/12/2015 20:38

We have one of these. Nothing so far works to change their behaviour so we have to change ours. Play with Lottie. Even if you have to keep score until you get back online. I would count out loud to freak her out but that's just me.

Unfortunately I won't be seeing my versions of these this year. I could have played along (talking about 'fat, smelly people' and prostitutes, swearing and being evil in front of my 5 yo). I bet I would have beaten you.

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