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to not let DD give out Christmas cards?

(35 Posts)
MandSPressedApple Mon 23-Nov-15 18:36:58

I am finding this stage far too difficult.

All of the Y6 girls are outrageous atm. There are squabbles and tears constantly and there is a core group of them which are all at it, including my DD.

A big hoo-haa is currently being made over worry boxes and all of these ridiculous friendship dramas. This has got suckered into Christmas and tonight she was sitting writing out cards with glitter, stickers, long elaborate messages about BFFs etc etc. I then heard her on the phone to someone about giving them out publicly and leaving someone else out.

The phone call was interrupted pronto. I am so, so disappointed in her and really finding it hard to like her atm sad I have confiscated the cards and read her the riot act. Actually I was a bit more abrupt than I would have liked, but nothing is getting through to her sad

Radio13 Mon 23-Nov-15 18:47:30

YANBU, I think I would do the same!

It's not funny when people get left out but it is sometimes funny how dramatic they are. They would probably cringe in a couple of years if you kept the cards and read them out!

Helloitsme15 Mon 23-Nov-15 18:48:04

Good for you - I'd have done the same.

LadyColinCampbell Mon 23-Nov-15 19:29:36

Good for you OP, I'm glad you intervened, as much as people say you shouldn't interfere with DC's friendships I think here you prevented something that could have been classed as bullying.

ChristmasZombie Mon 23-Nov-15 19:33:16

Oh dear. sad Preteen girls can be so unkind to each other.
I don't have anything to add, but I think you've handled this well.

Rinoachicken Mon 23-Nov-15 19:33:39

Good for you OP. Genuinely. On behalf of that other girl, and speaking as the child who was always publicly humiliated 'left out' THANKYOU

reni2 Mon 23-Nov-15 19:34:15

Has she understood it would be mean to do this ceremony specifically to leave one girl out? I don't interfere with them, maybe they are less innocent than I thought hmm.

TheLambShankRedemption Mon 23-Nov-15 19:36:27


My DD tends to get left out by girls as she's not in a girl clique. I would really appreciate a parent taking this line with a discussion intention to sideline someone.

TheLambShankRedemption Mon 23-Nov-15 19:36:56

Discussed not discussion, d'oh!

PaulAnkaTheDog Mon 23-Nov-15 20:23:17

Well done op. Definitely the right course of action.

SoulSoSeptimus Mon 23-Nov-15 21:00:35

Don't bother doing xmas cards. I bin mine as soon as I get home.

Don't like tat. Never have, never will I tell ya.

Mintyy Mon 23-Nov-15 21:04:52

Its not about you SoulSoSeptimus.

How about trying to get a feel for a thread and what op is asking instead of just posting inanities?

Whatever your dd is involved in, it sounds deeply unpleasant and destructive, op. How about taking her phone away for a week or so?

SoulSoSeptimus Mon 23-Nov-15 21:12:29

Sorry Mintyy and OP smile

SushiAndTheBanshees Mon 23-Nov-15 21:15:13

Well done. Hopefully you have given your DD something to think about. A hard line is what is required at this age.

itsmeohlord Mon 23-Nov-15 21:15:28

Ah, the Queen Bee syndrome. Horrible phase.

Good on you for the action you have taken.

yorkshapudding Mon 23-Nov-15 21:23:06

Good for you OP. If more parents intervened at the first sign of their child targeting/excluding others then a lot of serious bullying might be prevented. A lot of children don't even realise that 'leaving someone out' constitues bullying, they assume bullying has to mean name-calling or physical violence. You're doing the right thing by letting DD know that this kind of behaviour is not OK.

PoorFannyRobin Mon 23-Nov-15 21:34:19

Also very impressed by the action you have taken. Good job!

Spellcaster Mon 23-Nov-15 21:35:29

Well done and thank you on behalf of all the children who were "left out" and ganged up on in school. YANBU

MandSPressedApple Mon 23-Nov-15 21:36:37

Thank you. I am really disappointed in DD. It's actually worse than when they are the ones left out.

It's not her phone no way in hell atm, it's the house phone she uses.

Idefix Mon 23-Nov-15 21:41:44

Yanbu op, really feel for you brew =gluhwein for getting the Christmas mojo back. I hope the short sharp shock works with dd. sometimes abrupt is just what is needed.

CatMilkMan Mon 23-Nov-15 21:42:23

Good for you! I hope everything is sorted out ASAP and gets better story everyone soon.

kippersmum Mon 23-Nov-15 21:47:21

Thank you OP. My Y5 DD has Aspergers & I can guarantee she will be the one left out of christmas cards sad It is very interesting to see you say it is worse from your side. I always assumed it was easier. It is useful to me to hear a different perspective.

Instead of confiscating the cards, can you add an extra one for your DD to write to the child left out? Once everyone has a card she can then hand them out at school (assuming she doesn't hide it or something!)

longdiling Mon 23-Nov-15 21:57:19

YANBU. I think your DD will come good in the end with a mum like you, you're giving her a clear signal that this is not an OK way to treat people.

reni2 Mon 23-Nov-15 22:02:24

It's just a continuation of telling a 3yo "don't shove others on the slide" and an 8yo "do not comment negatively on your classmates reading ability". Well done OP for keeping your eye on the ball. Your dd won't be the topic of an AIBU thread about cliquey friends in the future.

yorkshapudding Mon 23-Nov-15 22:12:31

kippersmum, it's a nice idea but I bet the extra card would end up getting "lost" or something not very nice written in it. Maybe I'm being cynical though grin

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