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AIBU?

to go and put my child in the car til they stop screaming?

65 replies

hotlinesling · 17/11/2015 22:13

DS is 8. He has always been needy and clingy when at home - he'll follow me round the house, wait outside the door while I go to the toilet, won't go upstairs alone etc. For the past few weeks he's been making a real fuss at bedtime. He'll be absolutely fine and happy all day, receive plenty of positive attention and then bam - as I take him up to bed his lip starts quivering and he starts literally wailing. He will say he can't sleep because of x, y, z reasons (yesterday he was 'scared of his radiator'. Seriously.) This is usually before he's even tried to sleep. His bedtime is 9.15 and he's up at 7.15 so I'm not trying to send him off too early. During the day and out and about he's actually extremely confident and independent.

I'll reassure him but he usually just wails and screams and won't talk back. I then put consequences in but his wailing gets louder and louder. I have two younger dc so he's disrupting the entire house. Tonight he started wailing saying he won't sleep because there's too many police cars making noise; we heard one ten minutes earlier when brushing teeth. I reasoned with him briefly then said goodnight and left. He started screaming and wailing. I returned and explained the consequences of him continuing (losing ipad time and football practice tomorrow) and then left again. He is whimpering and wailing now and building himself up to start being extremely loud and I feel like saying I'll go and sit him in the car til he's quiet if he continues. DH is in the house if the others wake. Aibu?

OP posts:

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MissFitt68 · 17/11/2015 22:18

What about neighbours etc who would have to listen to that noise?

Yabvvu

NickNacks · 17/11/2015 22:24

I imagine the neighbours can already hear him!

TheCrowFromBelow · 17/11/2015 22:27

You've already told him the consequence, sounds like you will have to follow it through. YANBU for feeling like this. YABU if you actually get him out of bed but I sympathise!

spanisharmada · 17/11/2015 22:29

Yes I think that prob is unreasonable, but I can see why you're tempted. He's 8?! What's he thinking of carrying on like that. Is there something causing it?

hotlinesling · 17/11/2015 22:29

The wind here is awful so they'd hear him less in the car than in his room.

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Edeline85 · 17/11/2015 22:29

Will you be staying in the car with him?

GreatFuckability · 17/11/2015 22:30

Just ignore him. The more you pay attention to it the more he'll do it.

spanisharmada · 17/11/2015 22:30

'Is there something causing it?'

Sorry, stupid question!

canyou · 17/11/2015 22:31

But if you do that then he gets what he wants. Out of bed and with you.
Is he on his own in the room or with other dc? Would he settle better if they shared a room? Or does he just want the other person to be you

Chippednailvarnish · 17/11/2015 22:31

What would happen if you let him decide his own bedtime, but if he stays up he just has to sit on the sofa. No TV, internet, iPad, etc?

hotlinesling · 17/11/2015 22:32

I have no idea Spanish. When I mention it tomorrow he'll probably make a joke of it but it will no doubt start again when I enforce the consequences. I've tried offering 1:1 time as an incentive but I really don't feel like spending time and effort on him when he is being so inconsiderate to everyone else in the house.

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starlight2007 · 17/11/2015 22:32

Well obviously you know you are been unreasonable..

Have you considered turning it round...Rewarding him settling down.

Is he going to bed too Late ..My DS (8) goes to bed at between 8 and 8.30...

Does he have a bedtime routine.. My Ds also goes to bed 30 mins earlier than bedtime to read.. not because I think it particulary relaxes him but it does give him 30 mins where he can get up and down and tell me all the stuff he wants to tell me but was far too busy playing/ watching Tv to talk to me.

MissFitt68 · 17/11/2015 22:34

How would you physically get him out of the house and into the car?

hotlinesling · 17/11/2015 22:36

Yes I'd stay in the car with him but ignore him. I can't ignore him in the house as no one can sleep. Often it's just me as DH sometimes works nights so he is causing everyone to be completely disrupted and knackered the following day.

He did share a room but had to be moved because of how disruptive he was being. If I did that Chipped I'd have to sit with him and he'd start wailing that I'm ignoring him.

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mommy2ash · 17/11/2015 22:39

Bringing him to the car won't solve anything. Is his bedtime too late and he is overtired? What is his bedtime routine!

hotlinesling · 17/11/2015 22:40

He would do so if I told him to miss fitt.

He has been pleading uselessness in all areas recently. I.e. he 'doesn't know how' to take his plate to the sink, he 'isn't able' to put his clothes in the wash. I've then replaced his technology time with patronising lessons on how to do said things so I'm thinking I'll have 'how to go to bed nicely' practice after school tomorrow.

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Dothetwist · 17/11/2015 22:41

Have you tried to get to the bottom of why he is so scared? Is he frightened of being alone in a room?

Could you create a ritual before bed of checking things to assure him there is nothing to be scared of?

What about playing some music quietly in the room for him?

hotlinesling · 17/11/2015 22:42

He isn't overtired. He has always had around this much sleep and has been fine. His bedtime routine is reading with me for twenty mins, brushing teeth and into bed.

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Chippednailvarnish · 17/11/2015 22:42

What if you did it sat with him in total silence? You read a book, he just sits there.
My DS is sometimes reluctant to go to bed, because he thinks he's missing something exciting. 25 minutes of watching me doing the ironing normally cures him...

DoreenLethal · 17/11/2015 22:43

I would go down the road of him being overtired and tell him each time he does this he will be put to bed 15 minutes earlier the next night as he obviously isnt old enough to go to bed later.

hotlinesling · 17/11/2015 22:43

He laughs it off the next day. At the time he won't talk.

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Stillunexpected · 17/11/2015 22:44

Are you sure he isn't overtired? My DS2 is 14 and goes to bed at 9.30, which is only 15 mins later than your 8 year old! It does sound quite late for his age.

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hotlinesling · 17/11/2015 22:45

Chipped - he'd wail about me ignoring him.

I've said he'll be going to bed earlier by however many minutes he plays up for tonight Doreen.

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gallicgirl · 17/11/2015 22:46

Poor boy and I do feel for you.

My daughter can have moments like this but not to this extreme and she isn't 5 yet. 8 seems awfully old to be making a fuss about bedtime. Personally I think 9:15 is a bit late for an 8 year old - should be more like 8 or 8:30. Is there a chance he's over-tired?

When my daughter gets like this, we go back to basics. No screen time, no sweets, no toys or nightlight and try to give her some calm attention. I appreciate that's difficult with other children though.

Would a picture chart work to remind him of what the bedtime routine is? Maybe if he's clear about expectations, he will react better. Maybe consider a reward chart for good behaviour too.

Best of luck.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 17/11/2015 22:46

Is his door shut? Could you get him to agree to be quiet if you leave a door open so he can hear you watching telly or moving about? Or put a CD on quietly in his room to take the edge off the quiet?

Flip

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