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To not want to date a man who is too tight to buy himself shoes?

(61 Posts)
bodenbiscuit Sun 01-Nov-15 17:53:43

I've actually known him for years but not very well and a few months ago he asked if we could meet up for a coffee so we did. I like him physically and he's very intellectual and I like his conversation. But after a while he told me he's got holes in his shoes but he's too tight to buy new ones and although he has a well paid job and savings he'd rather just leave it. So he has only one pair of shoes that let the water in every time it rains. I think this kind of meanness could be a real problem and since I have already dated a lot of awful men in the past I really don't want to put myself in that position again of having to get out of a bad relationship.

I've told him I'm sorry but I don't want a relationship with him (but not why) and he is angry with me about it. But I don't think my reason is wrong iyswim. I am a lone parent with a severely disabled child and I feel that he expects me to be grateful for wanting his attention too. I find that so many men think if you're a lone parent your life is a mess and you need them to come and sweep you off your feet.

ArcheryAnnie Sun 01-Nov-15 17:57:44

I think you've dodged a bullet there - not for the shoes (which wouldn't bother me - I'm wearing DS's old trainers at the mo as I find shoe shopping such a bore and his are comfortable), but for him getting angry when you told him you don't want a relationship with him. That's a red flag if I ever saw one.

Run, run, run! You deserve better.

ThursdayLastWeek Sun 01-Nov-15 17:58:33

You sound very sensible and not at all unreasonable to me.

DragonRojo Sun 01-Nov-15 17:58:51

I would not date someone so stingy either. Shoes might not be the only thing he refuses to spend money on, and although I don't need luxury, I do like to have a treat when budget allows. I would be concerned that he starts telling me not to spend on nice things, or refusing to go out, etc.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sun 01-Nov-15 18:01:03

The anger is worse than the shoes, but either way you're better off without him.

Wolfiefan Sun 01-Nov-15 18:01:51

You met for one coffee? When you said you didn't want to take it any further he got angry? Lucky escape.

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 01-Nov-15 18:01:58

I am a lone parent with a severely disabled child and I feel that he expects me to be grateful for wanting his attention

This (too me) would be more of an issue than the shoes.

DriverSurpriseMe Sun 01-Nov-15 18:02:39

I can't abide mean people, and being willing to put up with wet feet because you don't want to buy shoes is BEYOND mean.

Just think how tight he would be in all areas of life. Dodged a bullet indeed!

squoosh Sun 01-Nov-15 18:02:40

The meanness combined with his anger show you've made the right decision.

Good work!

theycallmemellojello Sun 01-Nov-15 18:02:51

If meanness is a problem for you then it's a problem, there's no right or wrong answer there. But getting angry when you say you don't want a relationship is scary, and if you're getting vibes that he reckons you should be grateful for his attention then you are probably right! Good job for dodging that bullet.

InTheBox Sun 01-Nov-15 18:03:52

Whats's with all the dating stuff today? Has there recently been a spate of unreasonable men unleashed to unsuspecting mumsnetters?

amarmai Sun 01-Nov-15 18:04:04

he was clearly making the assumption that you would/could not turn him down-hence his anger. You have your priorities right op. Your dc comes first and will no doubt need extra expenses as s/he gets older. Good you can see him clearly and make the right decisions. Your dc is lucky to have you for a mum.x

amazonqueen Sun 01-Nov-15 18:04:47

Not only is he tight -he is proud of it. And gets angry because he is denied something?

Dont even engage with him again. He sounds like bad news all round

AnnaMarlowe Sun 01-Nov-15 18:05:15

It's not that it's mean, it's just that it's odd...

SurlyCue Sun 01-Nov-15 18:11:01

I've told him I'm sorry but I don't want a relationship with him (but not why) and he is angry with me about it.

Thats all you need to know right there.

Arfarfanarf Sun 01-Nov-15 18:11:21

Getting angry with you for exercising your right to decide who you do and do not want to have a relationship with is a big warning sign that you must not ignore.
He does not have a right to a relationship with you.

MargoReadbetter Sun 01-Nov-15 18:14:14

Don't waste any more time on him. He sounds creepy.

PolterGoose Sun 01-Nov-15 18:14:53

He sounds horrible, you deserve better flowers

But the shoes thing doesn't bother me, dp refuses to buy new shoes and clothes until his are in tatters, but he's extremely generous and not at all stingy in any other way.

AlwaysHope1 Sun 01-Nov-15 18:17:20

You made the right decision. He and his soggy feet can keep on walking.

Pipestheghost Sun 01-Nov-15 18:20:06

He sounds bonkers!

Aeroflotgirl Sun 01-Nov-15 18:22:49

Wow you had a narrow miss there, the meanest with the shoes, could spread to other things in your relationship, and the anger. A definite no no.

ShebaShimmyShake Sun 01-Nov-15 18:23:06

Any man who gets angry when you reject him should be rejected for that alone. But yeah, he should also be rejected for walking around in winter with holes in his one pair of shoes when he could easily afford to replace them.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 01-Nov-15 18:25:20

He actually told you, he is too tight to replace his worn out shoes, a big no no!

ImperialBlether Sun 01-Nov-15 18:26:49

WHERE ARE ALL THE NORMAL MEN?

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

squoosh Sun 01-Nov-15 18:27:11

Such weird chat for when you're trying to woo someone 'my shoes have holes in the soles but I'm too mean to shell out for a new pair'.

Oh baby!

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