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AIBU?

To have confronted these boys?

72 replies

I8toys · 26/09/2015 13:26

Where to begin. My son is in year 8 and the start to this school year has been rough.

History - My son is a sensitive, a little hot headed (no idea where he gets it from) but is generally well liked by adults and peers. Had problems with one boy all through primary with name calling etc - I use the term bullying lightly. This boy was also complained about at primary by other parents. So was well known to be a trouble maker. Unfortunately at high school this same boy was in most classes with my son. I just told my son to be friends with him even though no-one else wanted to know him.

He started playing tricks on my son to try and get him into trouble - saying the teacher wants you when he didn't etc. Just told him to ignore it. They started hanging around with another boy and they would come to our house to play xbox and go to the others. I admit my son gets heated when playing games and can be a bad loser but the other two would wind him up and he would end up leaving.

Now yr 8 they have changed form and are no longer in most classes together. That's okay and I appreciate that as they get older they find people with similar interests and drift apart. But my son stuck up for someone this boy and others were excluding recently. They all then turned on my son. My husband is a teacher and says that this type of behavior from boys is unusual in that this is the type of behavior girls usually use. He went to speak to school- not to name names but just to ask if a PSHE lesson could be held on bullying and exclusion.

I noticed a change in his behavior - he was snappy, irritated and missing lunch at school. He started going to school later and dragging his feet to get there. He told me they had been excluding him from the group, name calling, ignoring him. I said it would settle down and to ignore them.

However they keep waiting for him in a group in the alleyway on the route to school. They don't need to as they can walk a more direct route but they do this to antagonize him and they pull away all the kids my son is walking with so he is on his own.

I followed him without his knowledge on Friday. Saw them in a group of 4 waiting at the top of the hill. They were name calling and making chicken noises and started to run away when they saw him. Well that was it I saw red and shouted at them. I was angry and I was about 6ft away.

I asked them what they were waiting for. The one that we have had the problems was is the mouthpiece - the others couldn't look me in the eye. Waiting for such and such. I said rubbish. You are picking on my son - leave him alone. They then mentioned a text which my son had sent them that included swear words when he had left their house one time after they had been playing xbox. They were threatening to show me it and I said I'd seen it and the only reason he said those words were because 2 of you were picking on him.

It sounds so stupid written down but I cried this week over it and its something I never do. I know they need to sort it out amongst themselves but it never ends - they are always falling out and arguing. My son doesn't go out anymore because when they do someone is always excluded. I think I did it to bring an end to their friendship and get my son to move on. Flame away if you are still reading this.

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mewkins · 26/09/2015 13:33

Op I have no experience of this age group yet but, well, there seem to be a trend now for parents to expect kids to sort things themselves. It wasn't like that when I was at school and parents did indeed stick up for their kids. I think it is good for kids to know their parents are sticking up for them especially if the school is not. Good on you.

I hope this means that your son is left alone and finds a good group of kids to hang around with. I will also be devastated when my lovely dc have all these horrible things to navigate.