to ask how you share finances?

[Dogsarebetter]

Can I ask how you work your finances between you when you move in together? I'm thinking keep our separate bank accounts, but have a joint one for the bills with a direct debit into it each month of an equal amount to cover household bills and then maybe another joint savings account with a direct debit of an equal amount going into that (ideally we would like to save for a mortgage deposit) then anything left over in our personal bank is ours to spend on shoes and horses

Does this sound about right?

[WiIdfire]

Thats exacly how we do it, and it works because we have equal incomes. If one person earns more than the other or if there are issues like maternity leave, SAHP, sick leave in the future, then it wont work. It may be better to move to paying all income into a joint account and pay an equal 'personal allowance' into your separate accounts for shoes etc.

[DisappointedOne]

We've been married 11 years and don't share a bank account.

[Ragwort]

Have a really, really honest talk about your finances BEFORE you commit to living together. It's easy when you both have brodly similar incomes but think about the future - are you planning to have children? Is one of you taking maternity leave? Will one of you be a SAHP? What happens if one of you is made redundant/becomes sick and cannot work? What are your pension arrangements? Is one of you a saver and the other a spender? Do you have similar attitudes to money?

Just talk through every possible scenario. Personally, DH and I have shared a joint account since the day we married (nearly 30 years ago) - at the time we earned around the same but I have been a SAHM for years (by choice) and now only earn a pittance small wage but we have both always had the same access to the bank account, never had to 'ask' each other for spending money etc. We do have very similar frugal attitudes to money which helps enormously. We paid off our mortgage in our 40s and have substantial savings and reasonable pension plans because that is what is important to us.

A large % of the problems on the relationship boards are down to money, so please discuss this carefully.

[bruffin]

Been married 24 years and all our accounts are shared. There is no such thing as his or my money in our house and never has been. I earn under a third of what dh earns

[Dogsarebetter]

Dissappointed, how do you share bills etc?

Wildfire, that's a good point, he earns more but is self employed where as mine is a regular income so this might be a better way of doing it.

[Londonista123]

We don't share a bank account. At the end of the month I take a stack of that month's receipts off the fridge, put them into an Excel file and tot up who paid what over the month, and one or the other of us will reimburse half the difference so that we're even.

Sounds odd but it works for us and takes me all of 10 minutes a month.

We're both pretty conservative with saving money / pooling it when needed, so no joint account for that either.

[MaxPepsi]

Wages go into our own accounts.

We both pay into the 'joint' account it's not joint, it's in my name only but is for all the bills, and we both have access to it

DH pays more into it, because he earns more. However due to his CSA payment and pension he has less disposable income per month than me. BUT I pay for all the shopping inc clothes which comes out of 'my' money. Plus we use my car more than his van which I fill up.

I am probably financially worse off than him at the moment but it's swings and roundabouts and he will forgo his monthly pleasures to ensure I get mine so it all works out in the end.

[HippyDippyRidingPretty]

We have a joint account for bills, food, household items and rent. We put the same into this every month.

Another joint account for holidays and rainy days which we both put the same percentage.

Separate ISA's which are again done by percentage to save for a mortgage.

And what's left stays in our personal accounts for our own use.

[ginmakesitallok]

We've been together over 20 years, have had shared bank accounts since we bought our first flay together about 19 years ago. It's all OUR money. He earns twice what I do, I probably spend twice what he does...

[marzipancustard]

When we first moved in together we had one joint current account for household expenses and were 50/50 on everything despite me earning slightly more, & then separate accounts for everything else. Then after 6 months we bought our house & I also became ill and had to leave my job so everything was 50/50 from then onwards. I earned nothing for a while but now contribute about 40% - but I'm still suffering with health and can't work full time. We're getting married next year and planning to have children in a couple of years so it's not a big deal to be so financially committed to each other (& if we hasn't been - we would've had to sell the house)

[CatMilkMan]

We have a house current account and a house credit card, house bills come out of the current account and we both have access to the credit card.
We both have our own personal accounts and we just transfer the money when it's needed.

[marzipancustard]

*everything wasn't 50/50 from there onwards !!

[luciferswench]

We have separate bank accounts only as we couldnt be bothered to make a joint one.
His wages go into his account and he transfers majority of it into my account all tax credits/child benefits go into my account too. All the household bills come out of my account as does the food shop, clothes everything really. Only thing that comes out of his account is his car insurance.
He moved in with me so made sense to keep the bills in my name and from my accounts.
It works well for us we just transfer money back and forth when needed. I am a better saver than he is.

[TheGonnagle]

Everything in one pot, every bill comes out of it.

[Thurlow]

Joint account is a good idea.

Look at what your monthly outgoings will be, for rent and bills. Factor in travel, if one of you pays more than the other. Discuss how you will pay for food and household items.

At the start, I would both put in an agreed amount ensures you have enough to comfortably pay all bills and shopping, plus extra for emergencies, repairs etc.

Plus another joint account for saving for the future house.

I would say that at the start of living together you exercise a little bit of caution, just so you can see how you both are with money - as in, there's nothing worse than realising one of you is happy to buy designer clothes with their 'spare' money while the other person is sitting in, skint.

Then as you are settled in together and looking to buy the house, move towards putting the bulk of your money into the joint account and keeping a smaller amount for personal use in your own accounts.

In the long-term, while hopefully things will be wonderful and and you'll just pool all your money when you have a house, maybe kids and maternity leave and part-time working, it's always useful to maintain your own account if you can.

[Patapouf]

With great difficulty. There's a discrepancy between our incomes one month to the next, sometimes I'll have loads more than DH and other months he'll have far more than me. He begrudges me spending his extra money if I've been unable to contribute as much and vice versa so now we get everything paid into one account and half the disposable income each month, although we match savings contributions.

[sproketmx]

I don't have a bank account. Don't really need one. My wages are in cash so these nothing for that. I give put money in the electric and buy most of the shopping. Other than that he does the rest because he earns wayyyy more than me. I barely scrape 4 grand a year he's on about 26 grand. The point is to do what works for you. What works for us may not work for you. Try it, if it doesn't work out try something else

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Everything in a big pot, budget works and we both get equal 'pocket money' to spend on what we want.

This works well as he spends his on personal training and beer and I save up and buy expensive electronics and shoes. If we were just spending as and when, he would look frugal because his spends are small. This means that when I buy a handbag, he knows it's with months of money.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Meant to say, he earns vastly more than me. I do more of the back end stuff (child-wrangling etc.) so it works out.

[Hamishandthefoxes]

We work out each year what the joint expenses are (mortgage, childcare, child activities, insurances, pets, bills etc) and how much they are each month. We use

[sproketmx]

child wrangling. Thought I was the only one who called it that

[BarbarianMum]

He earns most of it, I spend most of it, everything via joint accounts. We agree big purchases and how much we want to save together.

I know a few people who do things the way you are suggesting and it seems to lead to lots of arguments - over who spends what on kids, or one wants a holiday but other can't afford one cause spent all their money on a car etc etc. I'd find all that 'trying to keep it fair' exhausting but each to their own.

[CookieMonsterIsOnADiet]

Pre marriage we split bills 50/50 as only fair, after marriage we got a joint account.

[IpsyUpsyDaisyDo]

We have our own current accounts, salaries paid into those. All mortgage, household and childcare costs come out of a joint account mostly set up on direct debit - we have a spreadsheet and a monthly budget worked out and we contribute proportionately from our salaries set up on a standing order, so don't have to think about it often.
The monthly budget incorporates savings every month, rainy-day money, and a bit for annual costs (like car insurance, holidays, Christmas, etc.) so we don't feel the hit when the bills come in.
Whatever is left over is ours to do with as we like.

[sleepychunky]

We have had a joint bank account ever since we bought our first house just before we got married 13 years ago. I have always earned significantly more than DH, and he has always spent significantly more than me on "fripperies". Both our salaries get paid into the joint account and all household expenses come out of there. I also have my own account which CB goes into, and anything left in the joint account at the end of the month I transfer into there, and then into my ISA. DH has a very good work pension and I have nothing (work for a charity) so I'm trying to save up a decent amount now that we don't have to pay for childcare as both DCs are at school. DH leaves all the finance arrangements to me (probably because he doesn't want the responsibility of sorting everything out and making sure all the bills are paid, credit cards switched etc.).
Finances have been the cause of most of our big arguments over the years - DH is a spender and I'm a saver - and if I were starting again, I'd have "the conversation" before doing anything to lay things out from the start.