I used to think the same thing. What's wrong with these people? Why don't they just leave?!
Then I got into an abusive relationship. Not physically but emotionally and sexually, to an extent. Something I thought I'd never put up with. Yet I did. Why? That's very hard to answer. We weren't married, didn't have children so I had no excuse. I've posted a bit about this on the relationships board but there were many reasons. A lot of abusive relationships are co-dependant. Abusive people are very good at manipulating others. Everything was always my fault. He was always the victim. I was constantly questioning myself. Fear of what he'd do if I left. Pressure from family to stay with him. Not recognising what he was doing was abuse as it was so subtle. Thinking he couldn't be really abusive because he had so many nice qualities. I felt loved with him most of the time. Maybe this is just what relationships are like? Telling myself what he did wasn't really sexual or emotional abuse, it was just a misunderstanding because otherwise I'd have to face up to it. I was too ashamed to accept that because I'm a feminist, surely I should know better? He had a very good way of making me feel guilty for everything. Even when we split up, I still went back to him a few times.
It's very easy to say oh there's loads of domestic abuse awareness. I've had domestic abuse training as part of my job. I still ended up in that situation. Because I didn't recognise it as abuse. A lot of women don't. Plus, it's also very easy to say, oh just leave. That's actually the most dangerous time for women - men are more likely to stalk them, turn violent, even murder. I had threats of violence, not against myself but against a male friend of mine. I didn't want to be responsible for someone else getting hurt so I stayed. That's why so many end up going back. Obviously pregnancy is another one. Nobody wants to be homeless and pregnant.
I do hate this kind of attitude. You could easily say the same about sexual abuse or rape victims. Why don't they tell someone? Why don't they fight back etc. etc. Shock plays a large part and I think the same is true in abuse situations. You might sit there and think it would never happen to me, I'm too strong, I was brought up by a feminist mother. So was I. She still thought the sun shone out of my ex's arse and tried to persuade me to stay with him. It can happen to anybody, regardless of intelligence or mental strength.