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apparently ds would behave a lot better if I was stricter

(81 Posts)
DorothyL Sun 26-Jul-15 21:48:14

He is on the spectrum and has a myriad of behavioural and health difficulties. He is really hard work, and we are working on/with him every day. But hey, apparently it's as easy as a few slaps to sort it outhmm

Aibu to want to move to the outer Hebrides?

LineRunner Sun 26-Jul-15 21:49:46

Says who?

Anyway if your son has ASD you know that's beyond nonsense.

paulapompom Sun 26-Jul-15 21:59:37

I work with children with SN (specifically Behavioural Emotional and Social Difficulties) which can include ASD. I have been told repeatedly what has caused these issues : ' need a good talking to/telling off/slap on the arse. I blame the parents/school/computer/drinking water (! ), bring back national service/corporal punishment/capital punishment' etc

Some people know fuck all, and want to share their wisdom with others grin

It's frustrating but you know the truth. Try to ignore x

vaticancameos Sun 26-Jul-15 22:01:26

Are you sure you have put in the correct boundaries? wink

DorothyL Sun 26-Jul-15 22:01:49

Says my brother and so called "friends"

Tangerineandturquoise Sun 26-Jul-15 22:04:00

They know this because.......
They have been there and sorted it out using brute force such methods
They read it in the Daily Mail
Someone on Mumsnet said so

Wolfiefan Sun 26-Jul-15 22:06:00

They are clearly talking out of an orifice other than their mouths!
grin
wine

DorothyL Sun 26-Jul-15 22:14:19

I just really need this, I mean why would I want support...???

Branleuse Sun 26-Jul-15 22:17:08

HAVE YOU TRIED CONSEQUENCES??!!?!

DorothyL Sun 26-Jul-15 22:19:08

That's a brilliant idea ������

DorothyL Sun 26-Jul-15 22:33:47

On a serious note, I feel very lonely sometimes :-(

FujimotosElixir Sun 26-Jul-15 22:35:22

Hugs been there , my DS is very tall too so people expect more assuming he's older sad

Tangerineandturquoise Sun 26-Jul-15 22:37:23

Or have you truly persevered with the naughty step?
Time outs- it works for Supernanny-she is always having to go in and save parents until you see what a difference consequences and the naughty spot can make you really shouldn't knock them grin

My son once had a meltdown and a lovely lady told me it was because he was my first child, she explained she was hopeless with her first child as well- but the others turned out just fine. I wont repeat what my son said to her mid rage but she backed off pretty quick!

Tangerineandturquoise Sun 26-Jul-15 22:38:04

Sorry Dorothy flowers

cece Sun 26-Jul-15 22:51:28

I feel your pain. My youngest has ADHD, behaviour problems and possible Asperger's.

The amount of useful advice I get regarding managing his behaviour is quite astounding. I usually smile nicely and say wow I hadn't thought of that in a very sarcastic tone and walk off.

I am actually considering getting some cards printing that explain his diagnosis to hand it to these helpful people. (My ADHD nurse does advise this).

5madthings Sun 26-Jul-15 22:53:26

Oh come on.Op, you he just needs to learn don't you, he just has to get on with it... Yes I have been told this about 13yr old ds2 who has asd.

5madthings Sun 26-Jul-15 22:55:44

And op it is hard and feels a very lonely battle to fight, but fight it we must. Our boys are worth it, hang on in there, rant away and hopefully one day your brother will realise what a prize twat he is.

Notthecarwashagain Sun 26-Jul-15 22:57:59

Another one knowing your pain here.

My DS, with his compulsive hand washing and germ phobia just needs to be told "no, you can't wash your hands"
Simple!

Everyone's a bloody expert!

DorothyL Sun 26-Jul-15 23:04:16

Thanks everyone

geekymommy Sun 26-Jul-15 23:14:14

It's always easy to solve problems when all you have to do is talk about how someone else is screwing up. It's even easier if you get to do this after something has happened.

CrispyFB Sun 26-Jul-15 23:53:28

DS (4) gymnastics teacher told me that he is the way he is because I am not strict enough and let him get away with too much. I'd given him some water after she'd called me down to "deal" with him (being boisterous, not even one of his meltdowns) and apparently that attitude - of giving a very thirsty child water even though he was in "trouble" to avoid a meltdown - explains all of his behaviour. Who knew??

I'll be sure to tell the doctor who, with the full support of our GP and the school, will be assessing him for probable Aspergers on Tuesday that I am wasting their time, and that his lovely gymnastics teacher has worked it all out for us! If the school had only told me not to be so soft he wouldn't have been excluded a few weeks ago either. Never mind the very same gymnastics teacher taught one of his older sisters only six months before him who was as good as gold in her class, short memory.

I hear you, and it seriously depresses me that there's not an end in sight to it flowers

It's the whole "I feel the need to explain but at the same time why should I have to and you probably won't believe me anyway" thing. I think I will borrow cece's tactic, I like that.

Atenco Mon 27-Jul-15 04:42:27

My dd did not have any special problems but I still remember everyone telling me that a good slap would solve her tantrums. This was back in the day and I had tried smacking her but it was like pouring gasoline on a fire.

textfan Mon 27-Jul-15 05:03:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glenthebattleostrich Mon 27-Jul-15 10:11:29

Well you know you just need boundaries and a sticker chart. Apparently they solve everything.

Or reply that they'd be less wankerish if they just didn't speak.

wevecomeonholidaybymistake Mon 27-Jul-15 10:54:53

Oh yes, because I don't shout at DS when he's in fight or flight mode, thus stopping him running across a main road, I'm not dealing with him properly.
I also should let the other children "punch him in the face" if he lashes out in panic because that'll teach h

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