I’ve been married for six years, together for ten and have two DCs (aged 6 and 4). I have got to the point in my marriage where I just don’t think I can make it work any more and my only option is to leave DH as I don’t believe he can/will ever change.
Although DH works full time, I work three (long) days a week as well as run the house single-handedly. I recently drew up a list of who did what and realised that the only tasks DH exclusively “owns” is taking out the bins (though this also sometimes gets left to me if he can’t be arsed). We have had many many discussions about how unfair I feel this is, but he just doesn’t seem to get that running a house should be a shared responsibility. He appears to feel no guilt– he can happily spend all afternoon pursuing his hobbies, while I cook, clean, do the garden, the washing etc and if I do say something, then I am nagging. I can honestly say it is like living with a teenager.
Things have now come to a head, because despite my being very clear I did not approve, DH booked a skiing trip for himself last week. I had been hoping we could go as a family, but I just hadn’t got round to organising anything this year and if I don’t do it, nothing happens. I would not be against him doing his own thing per se, but I am so so bitter about the huge imbalance in our relationship, that I feel sick at the idea of him indulging himself in this way, while I soldier on at home with the relentless work that comes with young children.
I can’t think of a single time DH has ever put me first, or gone out of his way to do something nice for me or the DC. My bitterness has now taken me to the point where any feelings I once had for him have been completely eroded and I really would be better off on my own. This breaks my heart as he is a good dad, and I can’t bear the thought of breaking up the family, but I know he will never change. So it’s either a case of put up with him treating me like a doormat for the rest of my life, or leave. AIBU?
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AIBU?
to want to leave my selfish husband?
69 replies
Hoggleforth · 26/01/2015 11:01
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