wedding or birthday?

[itosh]

AIBU to go to my husband's 60th birthday celebration and miss one of my really close friend's wedding?

It is so unfortunate they fall on the same date..

[itosh]

sorry husband's dad's 60th birthday!!

[Trills]

Which one do you WANT to go to?

Personally I'd prefer the wedding.

[caravanista13]

Depends who's invitation came first.

[Cooki3Monst3r]

Well that totally depends which one you like the most.

But all being equal, I'd say the wedding is definitely more important.

Birthdays happen every year! I realise 60 might be a 'big' birthday, but really I don't think a reasonable person would expect you to miss a wedding.

[Cooki3Monst3r]

wouldn't expect you to miss a wedding!!! sign I should be in bed

[itosh]

well I thought that Cooki. It is my wedding and one of my closest friend's isn't coming because of a 60th birthday. They said they don't want to fall out about it to which I replied I haven't fallen out with you I am just extremely disappointed in your decision. I genuinely would have been okay in the end but this was 3 months ago and they still haven't contacted me.

I went to their wedding last year.. I suspect their partner won't let them miss their dad's birthday?

[fredfredgeorgejnr]

Use the wedding as the excuse to avoid the b'day
Use the b'day as the excuse to avoid the wedding

Stay at home.

[Cooki3Monst3r]

Oh shit. No, that's not good. So sorry itosh.

Could there be other reasons do you think? Could money be a problem? To get there, to buy a gift, outfits etc.

It doesn't really sound like she's that good a friend after all.

Try to forget about and enjoy who will be there. X

[Nanny0gg]

Many of the guests at my son's wedding are no longer friends with him and his wife. For no especial reason, just their lives have moved in different directions (my son and his wife decided to start a family fairly soon after getting married, their friends were childless until some years later). They now have new friends who they have more in common with.

So is the wedding really more important than FiL birthday? I think I would have been disappointed if a close family member hadn't been around for mine.

What do they need to contact you about as they appear to have already declined? (and it does sound as though you were a little snippy about it).

[Cooki3Monst3r]

I think an adult being upset about someone not being able to make their birthday party is just plain odd.

Especially when you've already had 59 birthdays!!

It's not really that special, is it? Being a year older, that little bit closer to old age and death.

[Cooki3Monst3r]

I think between the ages of 21 and and 90 a birthday isn't really anything to celebrate. A nice excuse for party etc, but certainly not something to be upset about someone else missing!

[StrikesMatches]

"I think an adult being upset about someone not being able to make their birthday party is just plain odd.

Especially when you've already had 59 birthdays!!"

That was my niece's view - she was very annoyed when my Dad (her grandad) had his 60th birthday party (a night away) the same weekend as her 10th birthday

I think I'd choose the wedding, but I know FIL would be very unhappy at anyone missing any of his "milestone" birthdays current drama playing out as evidence. Hope you have a lovely day regardless, OP.

[Nanny0gg]

It's not really that special, is it? Being a year older, that little bit closer to old age and death.

You may not think it important. Others do. Me for one.

[Cooki3Monst3r]

Really? You're that bothered about your own birthdays?

So you'd be upset about someone missing your birthday party because of a wedding because the wedding might contain people the bride and groom might not be close with in 10years??

That sounds incredibly egotistical to me. As Strikes said, that's the behaviour of a 10 year old.

I guess if you've got a reason to be grateful you lasted another year that might be different.

[MidniteScribbler]

It's an invitation, not a summons. You provide an invitation, they say whether they can attend or not. Their reasons for non attendance are none of the invite givers business. They have no right to get snippy or hold a grudge over the attendance or non-attendance of their guests.

[londonrach]

Depends on how close the person who getting married is. Dh dad is very family member and 60 is special. How many other family members are going to the birthday. Id certainly go to my dads birthday party (close family) to a wedding of a friend. However if the wedding is my sister that be over my dads birthday if you understand what im saying.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

Id go to the wedding and DH would go to the birthday party (and my mum would mind the kids!!)

Such a shame that your friend has chosen to forego your wedding for her fils 60th

Try not to let it overshaddow your day - am sure it will still be brilliant.

[Cooki3Monst3r]

But birthdays happen every year. And weddings (preferably) once a life time (for the weddingee).

My mum is very special to me but there's no way I'd turn down someone's wedding if it clashed with her birthday. And she wouldn't be at all offended. And we are a family who do make a big deal of birthdays.

I guess people feel differently about birthdays

[paxtecum]

Can the 60th party be changed to a different date?
If it was my party I would change the date so all my family could be there.

OP: maybe you will have a different view in 30 odd years time when it could be your DC favouring a friend's wedding over your 60th party.

[wanderingcloud]

I'm with MidniteScribbler on this. You invited your friend. They have other plans and have declined your invite.

Whether you attended their wedding or what their other plans might be are irrelevant.

Really, who's position is it to judge the relative merit of guests reasons for declining an invite?

IMO it really isn't anyone elses business.

[addictedtosugar]

It would depend on if I'd already accepted the birthday invite.
In which case its a matter of first acepted in honoured, even if a better offer came along.

However, we may have split, and one partner to each event, depending on logistics.

[PeppermintChaiLatte]

There might be personal family reasons why she has prioritised the party that she has not told you about. She's probably embarrassed and that's why you've not heard from her? I suggest putting out the olive branch and invite her for coffee :)

[voluptuagoodshag]

This is really sad. You've not spoken to your friend in three months because of what? In the whole great scheme of things, does it really matter?
You invited her, she declined giving a perfectly legit reason. Get in touch with her for goodness sake. If she's that good a pal then she's worth hanging on to. She's probably feeling shit enough because she can't make it without you making her feel worse.
Make sure she's invited to your hen night and have a blast or why not do something just the two of you.